what the hell was i thinking
you were the one tearing me apart
but with empty promises
and a smile to match
i let you try to stitch me back together

you've never been very good with your hands

i'm breaking at the seams
you're no ******* good for me

150
I sleep more than I eat
my stomach is filled with pink pills and the air smells just like ****
140
molly makes me sick
so I only do it in honor of big events
like not getting invited to prom
130
I don't sleep anymore
I always have a ****** nose
I tell my mom it's allergies
it's really coke
120
my face has sunken like a ship
the black around my eyes is haunting
my dad says I look thin
he says beautiful
110
I tuck myself away with the rest of my skeletons
that's all I am
100
no sense in getting up anymore
I can't.

did you know I drag myself out of bed with six lines in the mornings
did you know I sniffle more than I blow because it's the blow I'm trying to push down my throat
that cringe worthy drip is all I'm living for anymore
did you know I've been high for five years
constantly patting away nose bleeds and I chipped all of my teeth
did you know that addiction is something we made up in our heads
that being high is only as good as the crash
did you know when I was sixteen I tried to get sober
did you know when I was sixteen I said **** it because the crash was way better than waking up alone
cause now I don't bother waking up
or ever going to sleep
or eating
did you know I find some sick pleasure in watching the scale drop
and I ain't never gonna tell nobody
did you know my smile was cut by razor blades
along with six lines of something bitter
did you know..
well no, of course not

I think hard about numbers
and how nothing ever adds up to make sense

some nights I sleep in the back seat of my car
I call that my sense of freedom

most nights I fill my head with powder
and my thoughts blur past me faster than the lights on an almost empty street

I think about how most nights I feel pretty empty too

you drive me crazy
and not in a good way

you make my ******* skin crawl

and I am trying to figure out how
to rip you from my veins

you have always left a sour taste in my mouth
and I am trying to wash you out

but I can't forget the way you made me bleed
when I begged you

no
it never meant anything to you
that's why you never stopped when I begged you

no
please stop
please please please

you drive me crazy
in the "I want to blow my brains out" kind of way

do not touch me again
I can still feel my skin crawl

and I am trying to figure out how
to get rid of you

Music I heard with you was more than music,
And bread I broke with you was more than bread;
Now that I am without you, all is desolate;
All that was once so beautiful is dead.

Your hands once touched this table and this silver,
And I have seen your fingers hold this glass.
These things do not remember you, beloved,--
And yet your touch upon them will not pass.

For it was in my heart you moved among them,
And blessed them with your hands and with your eyes;
And in my heart they will remember always,--
They knew you once, O beautiful and wise.