You know that the world seems so nice and the people seem to treat you so well and they all want to be your friend
That is until you let a little bit of your crazy show then they tell you how much of a freak you are and how your better off dead or how you don’t matter and that your worthless and stupid
Then when you end up trying to **** yourself or they accidentally see the bandages on your wrists or they by chance notice that your wearing a hoodie in a hundred degree heat
They do one of two options
1 they try to be your friend out of pity or
2 they throw you to the ground and bust your lip open then tell you ten times more often that your a freak and a thousand times more often that that overdose you tried last summer or those times you ran away from home and was so ******* to close to either walking into traffic or jumping of a cliff should’ve worked
To be honest where I come from it’s usually the latter

And quite frankly the more times they tell me all of this it makes it feel worse than death and it gets me thinking that those suicide attempts should’ve worked too

My mom always tells me that being positivity is a choice
But it’s not like I get up in the morning and want to hate myself
No one wants to wake up and immediately think of death
No one wants to go through the day with barely enough motivation to stand
No one wants to get home from school and cry for hours
It’s not like I want to be up all night having flashbacks and anxiety attacks
But guess what mom?
That just how my life is!
And there’s nothing you can do to help me
I’m a lost cause
So just let me give up
Please
Just please

the truth is, i dont have the guts to kiII myself. i want to walk busy roads and dark alleys in the hopes someone will do it for me

“Living is a privilege”
Then please like you take all my other privileges away take this one away too

I know I’ll never be good enough
But that doesn’t mean you have to point it out to me everyday

I can’t bring myself to eat right now
Probably cause I know if I eat
nothing good will happen
I’ll still get heavier
I’ll still be insecure
I’ll still throw it up
So I’m just not going to eat
Because no positives will come out of it