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:(
Honeybee Oct 2020
:(
i
just
want
to
give
up
?
Honeybee Sep 2020
?
I am here

But am I really?

I don’t think I am

But I say it anyways

Can I change?

I thought I could

But now I’m questioning

How?
15
Honeybee Jan 31
15
another year
passed by
and i guess
i have more reasons
to be here
to be alive
to try
to be seen
for who i’m meant to be
to be heard
as more than just a little girl
to give myself a chance
to change
to be more of
honeybee
Big fifteen tomorrow
Honeybee Sep 2020
"Ugly"
Wounds ******
I don't believe in myself
Put your feelings on top of that
Bookshelf
Hide away
I have nothing to say
I'm alone in this world
Life in itself is a hurdle
I'm long gone
My family's love is overdone
Everyone's fake
They are just like snakes
Friendly then deadly
Comforting yet scary
I can't handle this
Throw me into the abyss
Already
Honeybee Sep 2020
She was the angel that got me through part of my personal hell
Honeybee Apr 17
Some people count calories
Or sodium and sugars
But I have nothing to count
Because I just
Don’t eat
I used to not eat at all
I’m doing better now
But I still feel really insecure whenever I eat
Honeybee Mar 8
Tears are streaming down my face
Clinging to my jaw
I can’t talk
I can’t breathe
I’m just waiting it out
Using my so called “distractions”

But even after fifteen years I still can’t seem to properly handle it
My anxiety has always been a huge issue
But there is a lot going on
So it’s been worse lately
Honeybee May 24
Dandelions upon your head in the shape of a crown with rose petals to match
The smell of strawberries and sweet citrus rolling through the grass
The taste of sour lemons going all the way through my mouth and down to my throat
Your smile as inviting and friendly as the summer breeze
A light sun shower prickling the top of my slightly warmed skin
Giggling quietly until we can’t contain our joy any longer
Feeling like I belong more than I ever have before
Sadly not going to happen this summer
Because ya know the whole pandemic thing going on
Honeybee Sep 2020
The bright stars settle
In the ominous night sky
Yet I’m still biting my ****** tongue
So I don’t cry and cry and cry
Honeybee Sep 2020
Sitting here
listening to our song
Thinking about how much
I still love you
It’s bittersweet
Honeybee Mar 1
Why is it
That as soon as I see my blood
I feel calmer?
Honeybee Feb 24
I sometimes I look at my body
And just break
I break because I’m
Sensitive
Insecure
Easily scared
And everything that people say
Goes straight to my
Heart
Honeybee May 2
I’m somewhat like a book except
I have a perfect cover
And torn pages
Honeybee Feb 26
I’m just here sitting in my bed
Watching anime and reading
Bored out of my mind
And numb to my soul
I know this isn’t a poem
But it’s honestly just what my mood is right now
Honeybee Feb 6
They say some things that life throws at you will break you
To bad I’m already completely broken
Honeybee Mar 10
They say that staying quiet isn’t the answer
But I’m not looking for an answer
I’m looking more for a way to be myself and not take everything they say to heart
Honeybee 23h
Her lips like candy
Her eyes like the sea
And the way
Her cheeks turned rosy
When she looked at me
Hey I have an Instagram now
Just letting you all know. It would mean a lot to me if you followed me
Honeybee Mar 7
I try to scream for help
But I can’t
It feels like claws are running up and down my throat
Suffocating me making me unable to even let out a sob
So I just sit there in silence
Not being able to breathe
Not moving a muscle
Honeybee Apr 2
She was the colorful part of my black and white world
Honeybee Sep 2020
The stars above
Can’t even show my love
Or how much I died
Every time you cried
The good you saw in me
Made me want to believe
I could get better
And not hide under my sweater
To be comfortable in my own skin
To realize it’s okay to not be thin
Would be wonderful
Honeybee Feb 17
I’m in this huge crowd of people
So why do I still feel
So alone
Honeybee Feb 22
Why do I feel so bad about the extra crumb I ate
Honeybee Sep 2020
I dove too deep
Loved her too much
I didn’t want to let go
But she left anyways
Honeybee Feb 22
I’m trying to get away from them
My demons
My monsters
My insecurities
But no matter how much I run away
Or try to leave them behind
They find me
They always find me
Honeybee Feb 26
It’s not that I’m lazy
I just lack the motivation
To do anything
Honeybee Jan 31
the blood running through my veins
cold as ice
as I test my luck
with a role of the dice
except
instead of money
my life
is on the line
Honeybee Sep 2020
Mental Disorders
Are out of order for a reason
So we can see the seasons
Uniquely
We are health and pain
We see beauty in the rain
We may be considered in a craze
But I consider our brains like a maze
Traps and dead ends
but like water and gardens
beauty
We are all different in our own ways. Just remember everyone is going through their own thing
Honeybee Sep 2020
Suicide doesn’t end the pain
It just makes everyone insane
People who care
Will cry and be in despair
And for the people who don’t
Well there not worth anyone’s time
You have to be kind especially to yourself
Honeybee Sep 2020
My scars don’t mind if they have friends
friends like more cuts and burns
More pain just keeps me happier
At least that’s what I thought
Until I got help
Then I realized I’m not okay
And
THAT IS OKAY
I’ve gotten help for 10 years and I’m just starting to realize that being hurt and in pain is fine just how you handle it is what matters
Honeybee Mar 8
I can’t drown my demons
They know how to swim
At least THEY know how to swim
I can’t swim like at all
Honeybee Mar 10
She said she was leaving
But I’m already gone
Honeybee Feb 28
Dark crimson blood
Stains the many pages of my story
The life I was so harshly given
Is ripped between the lines
Just like my own calloused skin
My book is deeply burned at the edges
Just like the scars I have once were
The paragraphs soaked and blurry
From every single tear I’ve every shed
I feel like the novel I’ve created
Is about to come to an abrupt end
Even though others say
That it just began
I wrote this awhile ago but just found my old poetry book
So I’m revising some stuff
Honeybee Oct 2020
My mind is a maze
The etching on my skin is the proof
I tried to reach out for help
But my heart shattered
Before I could
Get to you
I’m trying hard to not let my thoughts get to me
Honeybee Feb 28
Erasers are made for mistakes
I wonder if I could just erase
My entire existence
Honeybee Feb 17
The expectations
That could shape us
Can be the ones
To break us
Honeybee Feb 28
Why do I try so hard when I know I’ll eventually fail?
This is a thought that’s been eating away at my mind lately
Just thought I’d get it out
Honeybee Jun 28
two fallen birds
both broken in hearts and wings
brought together by a twist of fate
and with hope and grace
learned to fly once again
Honeybee Jan 31
the beautiful crimson string
that tied us together
you put on your neck to ring
and it’s now gone forever
Sorry I know it’s been awhile
Honeybee Feb 6
Just for once, just one time
I want to be someone’s first choice
This isn’t mine I just really loved it and thought I’d share it here
Honeybee Jun 22
Everyone has flaws
It’s the people who admit to those flaws
That I truly admire
What are some of your flaws?
Mine are that I’m impulsive awkward and a little rude sometimes.
But it’s okay because I know that and I can still be me with those flaws
Honeybee Mar 23
I forgive others so easily
My abusers
Forgiven
My bullies
I don’t blame them at all
My demons
It’s not their fault I’m suicidal
The people who have left me
I would leave myself too if I could

But when it comes to forgiving myself
I just can’t


Why is that?
Honeybee Apr 13
I may not have been able to pick my blood family
But my chosen family
Is the most important thing to me in this world
Honeybee Feb 22
What happened to that sweet, innocent, cute little girl

The girl who could say she was fine and actually mean it
Honeybee Apr 18
I know I’ll never be good enough
But that doesn’t mean you have to point it out to me everyday
Like I get it
I’m fat and Im stupid insecure and worthless
But you are supposed to make me feel the opposite
Your my stepdad for ***** sake!
My mom loves you
Your family loves you
And you know it
But you already have kids
And I know I’m not under that category
I’m just my moms daughter
Not yours
Honeybee May 2
My mom always tells me that being positivity is a choice
But it’s not like I get up in the morning and want to hate myself
No one wants to wake up and immediately think of death
No one wants to go through the day with barely enough motivation to stand
No one wants to get home from school and cry for hours
It’s not like I want to be up all night having flashbacks and anxiety attacks
But guess what mom?
That just how my life is!
And there’s nothing you can do to help me
I’m a lost cause
So just let me give up
Please
Just please
HAE
Honeybee Apr 1
HAE
I feel like there’s a big dark red balloon welling up inside my chest
My blood is pumping in the wrong places
Fluids going into places where it hurts and stings like bees repeatedly stabbing me
I get sick to my stomach and throw up not even forcefully there’s just so much pressure on my organs that it feels like they’re being crushed
My throat getting tight and my tongue not being able to fit in my mouth
Pains in my rib cage that feel like they’re stabbing my lungs and it won’t stop
Being sweaty but shaking from being cold even though it’s 100 degrees outside
Feeling so tired that my vision gets blurry
It comes on so quick but too slow at the same time
It hurts so much
Yet if I complained I’d be told to **** it up and move on with my day
even though when my mom has an episode she gets help and has time to feel better
But I don’t get the same
I named it HAE because that’s the blood disorder I have it’s pretty rare so it feels like no one understands
I mean I haven’t met anyone who has it other than my mom but like I said she gets the special treatment because she has it “ worse”
This isn’t even my only deadly chronic illness
It *****
It really really *****
Honeybee Jun 10
the thoughts in my mind
are more suffocating than
the hands around my throat
Honeybee May 26
Dreams are realities just waiting to come true
It only takes some hard work and passion to make it a reality
Honeybee Oct 2020
I say I’m fine
that I’m good
Even though I know I’m not
I want someone to know I’m not
I’m scared to say anything though
I’m afraid they’ll hate me
As much as I hate myself
I’m dealing with a lot of self hatred recently
Honeybee Oct 2020
She tried and tried
She hid behind a fake smile with tired eyes
She asked you for help
But you didn’t hear her
In time
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