I say:
Do you want me to pretend you do not exist?

She says:
Do as you wish.

I perceive:
All I was once you moved onto the next,
A waste of breath.

What a mutual perception process,

You keep on running and now I have nothing but my beliefs.

And what do you have?
Your cup is empty

It would be full but...
You poke holes in all the words I speak

I find
Myself
Surprising
Myself,
Delighting
In new paths
Between postures
And postulates,
The bits
Feeling
Arbitrarily
Divided,
Or
Loosely
Connected,
By stories,
Or both.
And I
Feel
My grip
Slipping,
And wonder
What
Becomes
Of that which
I let go.
And I giggle
On my next
Breath
In.

I want to be available
to the people who love me.
I want to be there
emotionally, physically, financially.
I want to be their shoulder
their crutch, their solace.
The person who does not drop anything.
I want to give the feeling
of lightness to every being walking this earth.
Every human, creature, and plant
as they grow up fast.
I want to be nutrition,
a steadfast superhuman
so unfazed, so cool-headed.

It infuriates me
that I'm not this person.
It should be so easy to give.
If I just get my **** together,
I've repeated on and off again
the last five years.
But somehow, I always manage
to waste enough time
to get there,
but late.
When I have nothing
left, a hollow person
someone gave too
many tries.

Still, the people I love
tell me I'm wise,
an angel body.
Like they must justify,
who I am,
the imposter
the transient,
always planning,
for when she can
run away again.

Passion is excessive effort
when you gotta leave you bed
All my thoughts were once on fire
then I strangled them to death

I see this world through a thick lens
of blinding apathy
Not because I couldn't care less
just because it helps me sleep

It's a clinical indifference, baby, bask in your dispassion
Clinical Indifference, let your lethargy become your guide

Action is a senseless venture
When you can't perceive an end
All my words are now required
to solicit emptiness

I see a stranger in your eyes
who I have known for years
Not cause I couldn't care less
it's just companionship breeds fear

It's a clinical indifference, baby, bask in your dispassion
Clinical Indifference, let your lethargy become your guide

When you are singing in the
bathroom and you get  shower gel in your mouth.