It is deeply bittersweet
To see you achieve the life that young you dreamed
Which exists so separately from the one young me fantasized

I take solace in the health of your family
And heed in the love in your eyes that still remains
Even after we cut ties

I feel too much
Emotions like viscous liquid gumming up my veins
Bogging my brain like quicksand

All my muscles quake

Ever  been ***** and equally uninspired?
Not a single person keeps the fantasy alive

Emotions have always been too intense for me
Searing hot in my belly
I got too comfortable trying yours on for size
Now I don’t remember how to be **** if not for you

I always miss you the most in the spring time
I remember your flower shirts and linen pants
The way you would insist on brushing my hair 100 times a night on the front porch
How you always pretended you didn’t like your birthday
As your eyes glowed behind the candle light
You always seemed the lightest
The closest to your faith
The most comfortable
When the birds began singing
And the wind blew through the cherry blossoms

As I struggle for oxygen
And swallow the lump in my throat
I remember the way you saved me

As I skip breakfast
And walk for more and more miles each day
I remember how you praised me

I am as broken as I always was
And I remember what a beautiful thing to be