I remember it all
Down to the stretch of my shorts and the tie in my curls
The way you lingered; daring to get closer
As if a magnet drew us together
I thought; so that’s what fate feels like
But now I wonder if that’s how antelope feel as a lion closes in
If the tug in my gut was my body sensing your threat
I never was a good runner
Or maybe I knew you’d catch me regardless
But I remember it all

I find myself admiring the stained glass
Of the church next door
I watch the way the light changes behind it

I think that window reminds me of myself

Tinted glasses
In a lightless room
She reaches and grabs where she can
But it’s always a shallow effort
Transactional love

But that’s not the love I want to receive
I want to know you trust me
I want to feel you support me
Not take and take and take

I learn to cut the strings for people who are great at wasting my time.
But I mourn each thread of the girl I used to be.
The little girl who hugged lonely looking people in the grocery store.