Can someone explain to me why I have to be the one people take their **** out on?
Like I’m trying to be a good person and be there for the people I care about because **** i don’t want anyone to feel how I do when no one checks on me or really cares for that matter.
But it’s like when I try to, and honestly it’s scary as **** because everyone reacts different,
And It Never Fails!
They snap at me and then somehow I’m just an ******* who doesn’t actually care about them and I’m just “acting”.
Seriously?
Please by all that is good and sacred please can everyone in my life for once just take all their **** out on someone else and notice that I actually am here and I actually am trying to be there for them?
No?
Well ****.

At the end of the day, after long hours of daily life.
We find ourselves in our separate lives.
The bitter truth of how your love for me was but a lie, and yet I can’t help but wonder if you’d finally led someone else into your trap.
The need to not be alone, the constant want for pity.
I find myself feeling sorry for the poor soul who has wrapped themselves in the web of lies you pulled many times before.
One day I hope they live to see the truth,
Or maybe not.
Either way the sad reality is that one who compels others to stay in their lives only by twisting the truth so they can be the victim.
It’s pathetic and small.
Yet I find myself once again hoping for the best,hoping you find the help you need.
And that one day the lies stop.
Because until then the pain will never go away.
Around and around we go.
We’re all pawns in Her game.
The dead, the broken, the blind.

It’s strange having someone check on you,
Notice the signs that it’s a bad day and instead of leaving you to your thoughts.
To have someone who checks on your family since you live there,
How instead of judging you by your past, only hopes & dreams of the future with you.
It’s a strange feeling,
Mainly cuz I know I don’t deserve her.
Yet here she is, hasn’t given up on me yet.
The craziest part was when I told her what I wanted to do for a career, all she said was okay well let’s hope whatever you get stationed we can go with you.

It’s annoying how no one can grasp the idea of me being single.
Apparently “you are too cute! You’re so hot! You are literally the biggest sweetheart”
And no matter how many times I say it,
Everyone chooses for me I suppose.
Everyone else knows best.

By all the gods I will hate.
I will hate you.
Twisted and blinded by whatever you fill your head with,
I came with offers of more than just the mundane.
And met with conflict and strife.
True I was becoming better than I thought possible,
Yet now after months of torment and being lied to.
I have no more to give you.
You have won what you’ve always wanted when you were drunk and oblivious.
I will hate you till I long gone.
Pray you made the right choice

Life is full of triggers.
Everyday I get sent back to the fire.
Everyday at some point I am back in the fight or flight mode.
Life is dangerous.
Love is dangerous.
Yet I also remember that I started moving when I could’ve stayed frozen in that moment.
I could’ve stayed still and prayed someone else would’ve helped me.
Instead I chose to move, I chose to find a way out.
I chose to pull myself and her out.
I chose to keep going.
Even when everything started to hurt physically, emotionally, mentally.
When the adrenaline started to wear off on that hospital bed and all I could hear was the echoing roaring flames and popping, the explosions.
And the beeping of the heart monitor skyrocketing.
The moment I saw my sister and the look on her face, I collapsed into her arms and she held me.
I broke down like never before,
In that moment I was vulnerable.
Exposed.
Yet all I felt was love and comfort.
Even to this day I call or my sister checks in and I know there’s a reason I moved.
There’s a reason every single doctor, police officer and firefighter kept telling me over and over that I did something.
I saved someone.
I moved quick and I did everything right.
My aunt telling me that she can’t wait to see how I use my “gift” for something good and great.
How everyone always told me before that my ADHD was something annoying or bad or that I will always be a bother.
I learned that it’s helpful.
I processed everything in my head,
Staying in that van and hoping someone else gets us,
Staying and just accepting that this is it.
Or moving.
“Gotta move. Gotta get us out. We gotta go home. How do we get home.”
In the end,
It was terrifying, it still haunts me.
The pictures and videos are nothing compared to how it was.
They don’t show exactly what it was.
The reality was so much worse.

“Hey you’ve been distant today, btw I swung by your aunts and your sisters today said hey, they said they miss you. Also yes I posted a pic to Snapchat for the first time in awhile cuz didn’t want you to forget my goofy *** face. I’ll bug ya later. I love you”
It’s the little things that make the difference,
She understands that I’m working on getting my GED and hopefully a good job before I join the military.
Idk she’s different, no rush and no worries.
Just understanding and patience,
It’s something new

Every villain needs their arch in the stories.
After years of constant pain & betrayals,
Now the time has come.
After trying to be the good person that everyone says you can be,
There’s a breaking point.
Time to give them hell,
My life is my own.
And by my side,
The woman who shares the ideology of its us before anyone.
Who shares the experiences of pain.
Together we build a world to call our own.
Shrugging off with a smile as those who use to hold us back try once again to hurt us.
They hold no power,
They are where they are meant to be,
Below
Behind
In the past

Who knew,
The little things you do.
Mean so much more than have come before you.
To my surprise,
We got matching red & black shoes.
And you got that red & black hoodie to match mine.
We’d gone our separate ways before,
Yet here you are and I love you all the more.
From best friends to now lovers,
You smile and my heart skips a beat.
Somehow I can’t help but feel that we were always meant to meet that one day walking down those halls