Grey: Poems

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Grey Apr 2022

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The first dream was the snake,
Then it was the lions in a den.
Next it was you asking me to come down to las cruces again,
You wanted to move away with me.
The plan was we’d move to North Dakota or Minnesota.
Montana was a possibility.
Either way I was to come get you,
So I did.
Everything was going good until he showed up and started arguing.
I kept packing your things and you tried to tell him to leave.
He tried to **** you, lunging at you with that knife.
Instead he had to fight me,
Even though he had stabbed me three times I hit him as hard as I could.
I could’ve killed him, punch after punch.
He was unrecognizable,
Then out of no where a girl plunged the knife in my back.
It was the girl he cheated on you with.
You hated her and knowing she did that, you saw red.
It didn’t take much for you to end things for her.
In the dream I feel like I’m dying but I don’t.
I wake up.
These dreams don’t seem to stop every night it’s a new one
Premonitions?
Warnings?
Signs?
I don’t know.
They terrify me with how clear & precise they are.
Somethings going to happen,
I tried to tell you but as usual you don’t want to listen to anyone but yourself.
So I wait.

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Grey Nov 2020

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One day, I’ll stop writing
One day, I’ll stop dreaming
One day, I’ll stop believing
One day, I’ll stop hoping
One day, I’ll stop trying
One day there will be no more poems written by me
And there won’t be anymore pain
One day I’ll be gone
Maybe it’s today

#suicidal #tendencies #leave

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Grey Feb 2022

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It’s days like this that I wish the bullet hadn’t jammed in the chamber,
That the car had burned.
That it all ended.

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Grey Jun 2021

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You thought I was in a relationship already?
Oh if only you knew what was really going on
But okay since I’m claimed by you
Who’s the ****** ?

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Grey Aug 2021

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Sitting in a chair with a coffee in one hand at a breakfast restaurant , the sun was shining and everyone was walking by going about their everyday life.
Just as I was about get to leave I heard your voice,
“hey Josh”
I turned around and saw you there smiling,
Even though I knew something was wrong.
You didn’t need to explain you sat down immediately and we sat there in silence as if we were honoring a loss.
He had broken up with you because we were all supposed to meet to discuss our lives together.
When you’d finally told me, you tried to leave.
And I responded with
“I have loved you from the moment I met you, everyday I wanted to be a part of the world you are in. I was an young and stupid idiot who never could get control of their feelings or emotions, but you I finally saw that it was possible. And that anything is indeed possible. I look at you and you are the strongest and bravest person I know. I’ve loved you when I was able to hold you in my arms. I’ve loved you from afar when you’d left to find yourself again. And I will always love you no matter what.”
She smiled,
“Can we just run away? Can we just go?”
And just like I woke up.
Back to reality where I know I’ll never be able to call her mine again

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Grey Sep 2021

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I see the demons in the night again,
Itching to torment and fulfill their hateful desires.
Their home lies in the dark quiet hours of the night,
Lately I’ve become more accustomed and welcomed.
Fever and and cold chill down my spine when I wake up from a sound sleep.
Now I no longer wish for sleep,
Only peace.
Eyes yellowed and red, sunken are full of anger and hate.
Yet I’m not afraid,
And I don’t know why.
I don’t even know if they’re dreams anymore or if maybe it’s something else

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Grey Jan 2022

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‘Have a little faith in me’ plays softly in the background as we dance under our night sky.
The clock strikes 12, fireworks all throughout the city welcome in a new year.
As we share our first New Years kiss together,
This moment frozen in time with full realization that we would never have to feel the same hurt from those who we were with just a year before.
No more false I love yous, no more half effort.
No worry of jealousy or anger, immaturity.
The beautiful moment signifying something new, safe and free.
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Today we play ‘Have a Little Faith In Me’ and I love seeing you smiling,
It’s full of hope and excitement.
Making snow angels in the backyard or snowboarding at the resort.
Snow ball fights and sledding.
Gaming all night or binge watching Greys Anatomy,
Marvel vs DC comparisons, taking our pups Daeny and Brady on hikes.
Life is good finally
Finally we can be who we are,
With no one to hold us back from becoming who we are meant to be.

Villains

Grey Jan 2022

Villains

Every villain needs their arch in the stories.
After years of constant pain & betrayals,
Now the time has come.
After trying to be the good person that everyone says you can be,
There’s a breaking point.
Time to give them hell,
My life is my own.
And by my side,
The woman who shares the ideology of its us before anyone.
Who shares the experiences of pain.
Together we build a world to call our own.
Shrugging off with a smile as those who use to hold us back try once again to hurt us.
They hold no power,
They are where they are meant to be,
Below
Behind
In the past

Who knew?

Grey Dec 2021

Who knew?

Who knew,
The little things you do.
Mean so much more than have come before you.
To my surprise,
We got matching red & black shoes.
And you got that red & black hoodie to match mine.
We’d gone our separate ways before,
Yet here you are and I love you all the more.
From best friends to now lovers,
You smile and my heart skips a beat.
Somehow I can’t help but feel that we were always meant to meet that one day walking down those halls

You’re Welcome

Grey Jul 2022

You’re Welcome

I would like to start off with you’re welcome.
For being the first boy she lied to,
For being the one she was able to break down completely,
For being the one she was to destroy mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially.
For being the one that she needed to break so she could learn what love actually is.
For being the one who showed her that it’s possible to love someone that evil and never judge them.
For being the one who forgave her every time she found a new way to torment.
For being the one she used all of her toxic behaviors on.
For being the one who’s heart was tried & tested yet always find a way to still love her.
So of course when you hurt her, it pains me.
Because you got it easy.
You didn’t get the endless nights of drunken rage,
The lies.
The running around with people she said I could trust,
They ended up being the least trustworthy.
The endless insults.
The twisting of words,
The manipulation.
You’re welcome that all you had to do was be the one she could trust but turns out you two are just the same.
You’re welcome,
For being as toxic as she is.
Now the both of you can ruin each other’s lives while I still somehow get the drunken phone calls and crying.
Welcome to hell I tried to warn you

— The End —