Grey: Poems

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Grey Apr 2022

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The first dream was the snake,
Then it was the lions in a den.
Next it was you asking me to come down to las cruces again,
You wanted to move away with me.
The plan was we’d move to North Dakota or Minnesota.
Montana was a possibility.
Either way I was to come get you,
So I did.
Everything was going good until he showed up and started arguing.
I kept packing your things and you tried to tell him to leave.
He tried to **** you, lunging at you with that knife.
Instead he had to fight me,
Even though he had stabbed me three times I hit him as hard as I could.
I could’ve killed him, punch after punch.
He was unrecognizable,
Then out of no where a girl plunged the knife in my back.
It was the girl he cheated on you with.
You hated her and knowing she did that, you saw red.
It didn’t take much for you to end things for her.
In the dream I feel like I’m dying but I don’t.
I wake up.
These dreams don’t seem to stop every night it’s a new one
Premonitions?
Warnings?
Signs?
I don’t know.
They terrify me with how clear & precise they are.
Somethings going to happen,
I tried to tell you but as usual you don’t want to listen to anyone but yourself.
So I wait.

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Grey Apr 2022

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Todays the day everyone decided to have their mental breakdowns.
My mother trashed the house,
My ex blames me for messaging her off random numbers & lost her cat.
My former best friend could be headed to the mental hospital.
Another family member is in the psych ward,
My father nearly wrecked my truck.
My neighbors argued and the result was a busted windshield.
My aunt is filing for divorce after her meltdown.
And ironically I woke up thinking today would be a good day.
All these people have something in common that I find a little funny,
They’ve all told me the same thing.
That when I broke down or when I was hurting I was just being dramatic or they ignored me.
Belittled me, used my past against me, completely degraded me for breaking down.
Or laughed when I cried, smiled when I would say that I couldn’t do it anymore.
And most of them were practically begging for comfort yet I have none to give.
And I warned them all the same,
That I felt it depleting more and more.
So now it’s my turn to laugh and smile.
Enjoy the villain you created
While I enjoy your pain as you’ve enjoyed mine

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Grey Jan 2023

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I found beauty in the darkness.
Most fear there unknown,
Many avoid the possibility and uniqueness.
There is beauty within the darkest parts of one’s soul.
The purity of it.
Which is where I learned never to judge one based on their past.

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Grey Mar 2022

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Isn’t it cruel and profoundly interesting that in the end you play your game with others feelings.
That once again you think yourself innocent while this whole time I was blind.
Things you want your way and if not you destroy that person.
What kind of a monster did I fall in love with.

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Grey Mar 2023

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Truly I believed I knew hate…
I knew the purest feeling of rage,
The raw untamed feeling of anger…
This…
This is different.
I’ll burn the world down.

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Grey Mar 2022

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I just don’t want to hurt anymore.
Why doesn’t anyone understand that?

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Grey Apr 2022

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There are days where I wish that I hadn’t gotten out of that vehicle that burned & the flames roared.
I should’ve stayed in that seat,
Life wouldve went on for a lot of people.
I’d fade away from memory and existence.
No one would care to even remember why should they?
If I had accepted that it was the end of all things for me,
I’d be at peace now.
Not this hollow shell of whoever I thought I was before.
Terrified of the world
Pressured now to enjoy the life I have.
That’s the problem,
I can’t because there never was any reason to enjoy it before and maybe I had cheated death.
Maybe I was supposed to go.
Next time I wont try to intervene,
Next time I will go gladly

Villains

Grey Jan 2022

Villains

Every villain needs their arch in the stories.
After years of constant pain & betrayals,
Now the time has come.
After trying to be the good person that everyone says you can be,
There’s a breaking point.
Time to give them hell,
My life is my own.
And by my side,
The woman who shares the ideology of its us before anyone.
Who shares the experiences of pain.
Together we build a world to call our own.
Shrugging off with a smile as those who use to hold us back try once again to hurt us.
They hold no power,
They are where they are meant to be,
Below
Behind
In the past

Who knew?

Grey Dec 2021

Who knew?

Who knew,
The little things you do.
Mean so much more than have come before you.
To my surprise,
We got matching red & black shoes.
And you got that red & black hoodie to match mine.
We’d gone our separate ways before,
Yet here you are and I love you all the more.
From best friends to now lovers,
You smile and my heart skips a beat.
Somehow I can’t help but feel that we were always meant to meet that one day walking down those halls

You’re Welcome

Grey Jul 2022

You’re Welcome

I would like to start off with you’re welcome.
For being the first boy she lied to,
For being the one she was able to break down completely,
For being the one she was to destroy mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially.
For being the one that she needed to break so she could learn what love actually is.
For being the one who showed her that it’s possible to love someone that evil and never judge them.
For being the one who forgave her every time she found a new way to torment.
For being the one she used all of her toxic behaviors on.
For being the one who’s heart was tried & tested yet always find a way to still love her.
So of course when you hurt her, it pains me.
Because you got it easy.
You didn’t get the endless nights of drunken rage,
The lies.
The running around with people she said I could trust,
They ended up being the least trustworthy.
The endless insults.
The twisting of words,
The manipulation.
You’re welcome that all you had to do was be the one she could trust but turns out you two are just the same.
You’re welcome,
For being as toxic as she is.
Now the both of you can ruin each other’s lives while I still somehow get the drunken phone calls and crying.
Welcome to hell I tried to warn you

— The End —