You hit me
you hung me
you cut me
you broke me
but i'd never leave you

Food settles in my stoach like a weight has been dropped on my head
The fat settles around my bones weighing me down
10 cal
20 cal
240cal
270 cal total
only have room for 30 more
Dinner
Too much food
I can't do it
Huddled on the cold bathroom floor
I don't know what else to do
I can feel my fat settle around me when I sit
When I run
When I look in the mirror
My shirt diesn't fit correctly
I can't pull my pants over my hips
Though I know it's becuse my mum dired them
My brain won't belive its true
Ive been told I'm skin and bones
But all i feel is fat
I pass out every class but no one sees that
I'm so tiered.

Untitled
That Is what MY story is
My story has not a title
MY story
It has no title because it will end soon
I will wait until the last period is placed
I will wait till the cover is closed
I'm not ready to be labeled yet

You should "smile" more
Why do you always look so depressed
So I do
I smile
I laugh
I watch the world pass by me pretending
I smile
I laugh
I carve it into my face
I wish my poems came out the way my thoughts are in my head
It's all a mess
All jumbled up
Loud and harsh
Headache inducing voices that never shut up
The smile is disillusioned happiness
Smile
I keep smiling
I will smile myself to an early grave
With my actions
I no longer have any idea who I am
I list off my fake dreams and my fake goals
But I never believe I will live to make them a reality
I act fine and no one questions it
Im bitter and broken
Im angry and lost
I got sober for a while but thats when all the pain came back
I was clean for a while but thats when I could no longer take the internal pain
Pills
Potions
Blood
No longer happy
Overdose
But Im saved for one more excruciating day
Why can't you just let me die
Smile
Nothing happend
I'm fine
See im smiling
Smile
All your problems will be solved
I don't remeber what my real smile looks like
I'm so numb and empty
I just wish smiling wasn't a chore
I wish I could write my esseys the way I write my poems or books
I don't know whats so ****** up with my brain but thats ok
I'll just smile for one last day on earth
Im scared for any change though
The pain has become a fimillar feeling
I feel lost without it
I feel like of im not in pain I don't have a personalty
My mental illnesses have become my personality
I'm no longer a person just a problem
One last

Holding a pencil
"Stab her"

Holding a bottle
"Hit your head"

Using headphones
"Choke youreself"

These intrusive thoughts run around my head
These intrusive thoughts make me crazy
These. INTRUSIVRE THOUGHTS

My World Geo class is so loud
Its like ive started floating in a cloud

My mind has gone blank
I feel like I need a crank to work

I can't feel my hands
My life is numb

It's too loud
Its time for a panic attack

I cant wait to have my 4th one today

Like a pencil to paper
The blade to my skin draws lines
I release my pain and thoughts with every cut

This is my life I'm sorry if I disappoint

Ciggerets gather on the dashbored
Shot glasses piled high
Windy night
Shivering in your arms
As you hold me tight
No light on your lips
The ciggrett dangles from my mouth
And you hold me
Not judging
Just there
In a moment
That I will Never Forget
You don't care about my vaices
My habits
My pains
You don't give me these things
But you accept
That this is me
And i'm doing all I can to hold on
Thank you dearly
For I love you
For not being the reson I let go

And Im falling
Falling through my thoughts
Falling down
Falling in
Falling alone
A void of stares
Silent stares
Im falling through
through my thoughts
Falling through my thoughts again
Goodbye ill try again
maybe we'll meet in another life
but goodbye
I say falling of the cliff

Shut up, Shut up, Shut up

No one cares
and no one sees
No one cares
and now I'm gone

Youre tears fall down
and you say I'm missed
You say you love me
Hoverd over my body

If you cared
You would have seen
That when you touched me
I dissapered

You would have seen
my soul turnd to dust
You woukd have seen
My eyes grow dark

You say you care?
Then where were you
when I was alive...

You make me want to write
Words so bitter but oh so sweet on my toung
The words u said to me sour in my mouth as I repeat them

Im a slave to your words
Im a slave to your love
Im a slave to you

I am trapped
In this computer
In my phone
In techolagy
I am the prisoner of my own genoration
MY words live inside this divice
Im a mess of thoughts and anger
I am trpped
Inside my own mind
In my own thoughts
In my words
In my anxity
Im a mess of words and hate
I am trapped
In school
In the bullying
In the hate of other kids
In the judgemntalness and dissapointment in my teachers eyes
I am A mess Gods im a mess
I am trapped
In all these sleepless nights
In the bottom of this bottle
In these pills
In the hate for myself
I am trapped

Heavy is the crown upon the head of the queens of broken hearts and burning love
Heavy is the heart of the kings who lost the war

I don't know who i am
no i don't know who i am

I sit upon a throne of lies wearing a crown i didn't earn I stole this throne
And I will rule
I will be a God among humans
I will be the king among peasants
I will be the ruler they never saw coming

I don't know who I am
No I don't know who I am

I am the boy who will never love I am the boy who was never seen
I was the boy who killed himself to be the ruler he knew he was

the way you look at me
while on the floor
with the bottle in hand

they way you look at me
while lying in the ****** tub
with the blade in my hand

they way you look at me
while tying the rope
around my neck

the way you look at me
while standing on the edge
so high i think i can fly

the way you looked at me
when I said goodbye
when you caught me
from the edge of that building
when i fell entangled in your arms

the way you looked at me
broke my heart

My heart is weak
My hands are shaking
My knees weak
My eyes are dark and blood shot

I'm lying in my bed
It's 9:00pm
Almost bed time
My Brother is in bed
My dad is aspleep on the couch
The is TV playing in the living room
The fake news is all I hear now

My mum is cleaning the house
She has siad goodnight to my brother
She has taken a shower
She is ready for bed

10:00pm
My mums in bed
She said good night
I'm still sitting in my bed
I should be asleep
As usual i'm the last one awake

10:30pm
I'm still sitting here
My mind is racing
I'm staring at my computer

14 missing assignments
I have sat here all day
I need to compleate them
I look at my grades
F
F
F
F

FFFFailure
That is what I am

11:30pm
I finally looked away from my computer
Still 14 missing assignments
I plug in my computer
I unlock my phone
I put my headphones in
Just a half an hour

12:00am
Time to sleep
School tommrow
I have to sleep

1:00am
How!

2:00 am
3:00am
4:00am
5:00am
****
I have to wake up in an hour
How did time pass so fast

6:00 am

I have a ****** line across my face
It curves up at the corners and looks so pretty
It portrays that im ok
It shows that i'm not dying inside

The blody smile curves at the corners
It gives the illusion that all is ok
It distracts from the dark circles under my eyes
It shows that im ok

The ****** line curves more with every time i'm asked if i'm ok
It grows larger and cuts deeper in with every "I'm ok"or "I'm fine"
It hids the pain that resides so close to the surface

That is my carved smaile
One for socioty that I can't take off
forced by my life to stay perfectly poised
To show no emeotion othere than happiness
It has been forced apoun me by a socioty,
that only cares about apperance
If you stray from the path you must know
the same pain i feel of having craved that
smile into youre own face.

What is feeling
It's like I'm just a shell
There is nothing left
My soul has left
I have left

I am EMPTY

E-mpty
M-ad
P-aind
T-ested daily
Y-oung with and aged mind

I am..
Ripped jeans and hoodies
Beinies and army boots
I am...
Ciggaret smoke and burned holes
Midnight kisses and bloodshot eyes
Dark circles and a bruised jaw
I am...
Flinching at movements and jumping at your name
Black outs in school and broken ribs
I am...
Empty bottles and bleeding wrists
I am...
Kisses under the hidden tress
Love in the shadows and fleeting eyes
I am...
Sneaking out at midnight and falling through my mind.

Why am I so sad
I feel this crushing weight on my chest
I feel my life imploding
I can feel my friends slipping away from me
I can see the disgust on there face when they see me
I can feel there words when they talk in hushed voices
I can feel my nails on my skin
Raking and ripping and shredding my skin
Blood drips on my arm
I feel my own skin under my nails
I'm disgusted with myself
I want to die
I want to feel
I want know what it feels like to be actually loved
why am I so sad
Why does it feel like I'm drowning
why does it feel like I'm falling, I'm crashing into a void of nothing