I saw her this evening as I made my way home
Stood back from the lamp light, stunning, alone.
Her beauty enthralled me, compelled me to pause
Compelled me to smile as such loveliness does.
As if to entice me she shifted her pose
Tilter her head and gazed over her nose.
Her eyes where alluring they took me all in
To tell you her beauty I couldn’t begin.
She knew that I saw her, oh she was aware
But she stood there a goddess without a care.
As if she now knew she had me bewitched
She gave a wide yawn and both her ears twitched.
With neither a sound or hint of goodbye
The ***** slipped off in the blink of an eye.

I don’t often comment on other peoples toes

But I feel I have to mention when ones growing on a nose.

Our neighbour face is fairly plain, not much to talk about

Other than the pinky growing on his snout.

I noticed it some days ago when I thought it just a pimple

But it soon was clear it wasn’t going to be something that simple.

Yesterday I noticed, and in truth I couldn’t fail

To see that there were now some hairs and the beginning of a nail.

I thought today he’d cover it but it’s dangling on his lip

He’s even had a pedicure, a trim and a French tip.

In truth I do admire him for he hasn’t shied away

but when I stop to talk to him I just cannot say.

I cannot speak about it, how would I bring it up?

“Excuse me Tom when you’re drinking tea does your toe dip in the cup?”

So, I bow my head, so I don’t stare or get a glimpse of it

But I can only giggle as I think of his digit.

So, I ask him how he’s coping with all the hurtful calls

“Sure this is ****** nothing, I’ve a foot growing on my *****.”

When Santa got stuck up the chimney it caused such a scene
Chaos broke out everywhere, the worst I’ve ever seen.
People standing watching while others did their jobs
Upsetting our new neighbours which was fine for they are snobs.
Snow was falling thickly the temperature had dropped
A blizzard started earlier and it just hadn’t stopped.
Someone heard his cries for help so they called nine one one
They thought the caller joking, thought he was having fun.
Six firemen and their tender were the first ones to arrive
Hoping when they got there that Santa was alive.
They extended up their ladder till it reached the chimney stack
But they couldn’t see poor Santa their view blocked by a sack.
Next arrived the policemen to cordon off the square
To hold back all the nosey folk who came from everywhere.
A keeper from the local zoo was the next guy to appear
Summoned by authorities to look after nine reindeer.
They’d munched upon our borders and chewed our Christmas wreath
There wasn’t really anything safe from all those teeth.
TV crews then battled to get a better view
Behind the lights of police cars flashing red and blue.
Police held back bystanders letting builders and their tools
Make their way to our house past the hoards of shivering fools.
Scaffolding erected they began to deconstruct
The brickwork where it was thought Santa had got stuck.
There’s hotdog stalls and burger vans, ice cream stands there as well
Our street is fast becoming a scene straight out of hell.
Two tired paramedics at the end of a long day
Yawned and asked each other was this really worth their pay,
To sit here for a fat man who really should know more
Than to try to use a chimney when theres always been a door.
Our chimneys near demolished and still he’s not been found
The brickworks gone, the builders are almost at the ground.
And now there someone at the door with a briefcase and a scowl
The underwriters lackey making sure there’s nothing foul.
He sat upon our sofa, glasses hanging from his ears
he said he’d never known the likes in all his working years.
Then there was a rumble, a crash, a cloud of soot
A sack appeared, a tattered suit, a belt and one right boot.
And when the dust had settled and we could see around
Although his clothes where on the floor Santa wasn’t found.
So now then I will tell you what the underwriter said
As he wiped with a hanky the sweat off his forehead.
“Santa did a runner as he was not insured,”
The reindeer too, they were gone from where they had been moored.
So now I’m out a fortune having all these repairs done
And did Santa leave a present, not a single ****** one.

You’ve been his friend throughout his life, since when you brought him home
You’re the one he turned to, you’re all he’s ever known.
You understood his crying when you’re house was strange to him
Those first few nights of whinging when he was settling in.
You were who he ran to when you came home every day
You his friend his master, the one with whom he’d play.
You were his life, all he could see, you were his only friend
So why can you just leave him when it’s coming to his end?
Oh yes it’s hard to watch it, it hurts so much I know
But he knows something is happening, he knows it’s time to go.
There’s strangers all around him, he wants you to be near
To help him take his last few breaths, to help him through his fear.
He needs you more at this sad time, more than he’s ever done before
So hold him, show you love him as he passes through the door.

I watched you from our old park bench, eclipsing the swans grace.
They dipped their heads to the water as if bowing to your beauty.
The evening sunlight chased you as you laughed, dancing on the grass.
The source of all life also wanting to be with you, to touch lightly on your skin.
You turned and smiled with every part of your body, and I grew to love you that little bit more.
I rested my hand on the book you had been reading, a book I could not bring myself to read in all these years.
I heard your voice again as it glided over the rippling water.
Then, it was gone and  the sun retreated, the swans drifted away.
Again alone, I lifted your book and let a tear fall before saying goodbye.
I will see you again someday, someday