to think of you
is to think of lies

what you were
in my head

was never truly you
I must admit that I read

outside the lines
too entranced was I

to see beyond your exterior splendor
but I miss you still

the truth you were
not the lies you became

it’s sad to say
that nowadays
a smile
is more often
used
to hide depression
rather than
express
happiness.

dreaming of you
like I always do
you're still in my head
like you never left my bed
I still miss your hair
your scent in the air
but baby you're gone
and it's got me all wrong

addiction disease
has infected me
swarming down my throat
invading my lungs
suffocating my vocal cords until
the words are strangled away
tainting my organs with its filthy touch
killing
me
slowly

every day is the same
every day is mundane
but if you ever want things to change

you have will it into being
it won't change on its own
you must know what you want

and make it happen, first in your heart, then into reality

I wish I was even half the man I have the power to be
I hope that one perhaps I will be
that one day I'll wake up
with my failing liver and blackened lungs
and have a feeling, in my broken battered heart
have a feeling that it's time to be a better man