Feels like returning to the scene of a crime
The walls have seen horrors,
Lies unspeakable
It's like their laughing at me, in their stoic, white silence.
And that bed,
She's flat out staring me down.
There she lies,
Like a naked *******,
Daring me to call her shame.

But I cannot.
Instead I turn my back,
And jot down a few lines.

Now to put on that brave face.

The closer you get to her, the further away you become.

Ten words cannot express the full story.
You love her,
And it scares you.

Scares you into others' arms and legs
Scares you into silence
Scares you into distance
Scares you into over-thinking
Scares you into pushing her away

And it scares you
And it's scaring her.

And the pressure is on.
What comes next?

Words mean nothing
If they do not have the power to compel trust.

So when you recount what you said,
You're asking me to trust you twice as much.
First, that what you're telling me is true
Second, that what you told her is the truth,
That both things come from the same, honest place.

And trust,
              Trust came be a very,
                         Very scary thing.



I don't know if I'll always be able to make that jump.

Like dangling from a cliff edge
Is this love?

Slate, black and still.
It's for your protection
Imitate slate, cold, impersonal rock.
Don't let it show

The turmoil and chaos reining inside
The frantic thoughts,
The panicked breathing
Be still as glass on the surface
Like a rip tide, undetectable.

Take a deep breath,
And pretend.



                 I can't live like this anymore.

Still,
Still I find myself surprised at the neglegence of human decency.
How sticky with tar,
Oozing from their insides,
Dark, consuming, disgusting,
Revealing of the soul underneath.

It still gets me,
That people can get that. . . sick
On the inside.

You're sick,
Overridden with this illness,
This apathy and vindictive hatred.
It consumes you.
Soon, very soon,
There will be nothing left of you
But tar and ashes.

It's almost too much to hold in.
I scream out,
"Rest in pieces, you heinous *****!"

I'm telling you, still,
I find myself surprised at the neglegence of human decency.