please go away.
i'm genuinely getting annoyed with you.
i'm starting back to my old ways and i think i'm more disgusted of who you are now than who you were then.
at least back then you were a good person and i was just a *****.
oh how the tables have turned.

but seriously please just leave.
it's annoying as **** that i have to see you first thing in the morning.
yes, i see you. i'm not blind, *******.
and it's kind of getting old how you show up in my dreams.
******* you out every night is not as fun when it's a continuous occurrence.

please go away.

tonight i saw your mother.
and let me tell you it was ******* than seeing you the day after we ended it.

she asked me how i was and even though i said good i think she knew the actual answer. how am i supposed to be "good" when you are better than great without me. more specifically with someone else.

i know it was my fault and when i went to let go of the hug and she pulled me in tighter i couldn't help but start to cry.
it just isn't fair.
and life isn't fair.

but that's just how things are.
there's always a winner and a loser and even with that extra half of a foot grown within your bones you were still so high up. i don't think you could even see me. or you just avoided eye contact-- as always.
what i'm getting at is there's always someone on top, and there's always someone on the bottom.

it's like
i'm an artist
and you're blind.

i've spent countless hours on these paintings.
i've put my everything in them.
there are small details that even the professionals couldn't notice.
and it turns out you can't either.

so why am i still painting?

don't you realize how big of an impact you have on everyone?
you could be the reason someone is happy.
and more so you could be the reason why someone wants to die.

there's always one thing that keeps us up at night--
something that someone said to us.
and sadly enough it's hardly ever a good thing.

and i wish other people could realize
that what you say could put them over the edge.


sticks and stones may break my bones,
**but your words may be the thing that kills me.

i'd have to say that's an understatement.
even saying i despise you is nothing close to the anger that is living within me.
this anger is starting to get cozy in my muscles and sorry that i break so much **** sometimes it just takes over.
it has befriended the sadness that has made a home of my mind and i'm getting very annoyed with it.
its visit has been more than a year too long and every time i tell it to leave it convinces me that's where it's supposed to be.
i'm very tired of all of it but i can't sleep well because i never sleep well when i'm away and even though i'm staying at what my address is i'm afraid this isn't my home anymore. i really have been trying to find somewhere to call my home but every time i think i've found something sadness just makes me think i'm too ******* stupid to have found somewhere to live. i know it's right.

i'm sorry i always get so off track please don't blame me. sadness loves to tell its story and i'm in no place to stop it.

but truly i do hate you with everything in me. "words can't express how much i hate you." well neither can actions. only if you felt what i have felt maybe then you'd understand. but probably not because you just don't give a ****.

**i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.

i know i'm not smart
but for some reason i remember random details.
i have realized that everything in life has a cycle.
i recognize what phase i'm in and i hated it last time
and i hate it even more this time.
but i think i'm moving past it.

**so say goodbye to that chick that cared for everyone but herself. and goodbye to the one that was ruined. her time might not be up but i'm kicking her out.