We grieve in silence because
We think that’s how we’re
Supposed to heal
&
Then destroy the first person
To come along who really wants
To help us

By the time we realize this
Their pillow is gone
Their scent is with the wind
Their turning key to bring
Them home

Is with somebody else

Back in those days
All we had to do was
Scrape together $46
For a Friday night room
Two combo meals
A joint
&
A 12 pack of some ****** beer
$46
Got me a hand to hold
A naked body to lay next to
And try to decipher what
She’d say in her sleep
Sometimes she would laugh
Sometimes she would cry
Sometimes she slept all
Through the night
$46
To watch her **** silhouette
Against the window
To have a cigarette
$46
To get to say
‘I love you’
And
Hear it back
And sometimes we’d laugh
And sometimes we’d cry
And sometimes we’d fall asleep
In each other’s arms
All through the night
All for
$46

I felt like a millionaire
Back then
Love was simple

The summer of
1995

We hadn’t spoken in a few days
Made a meal
&
Out of the clear blue I said
‘I don’t want to do this
‘Anymore
‘I feel like I’m wasting my life

She dropped her fork
On her plate
&
Put her head in her hands
Silent
Tears dropped and she looked
Towards the window

‘Why do you say such things?

Tell her I’m sorry
I’m the biggest ****
Tell her it’s just that we haven’t
Spoken in a few days

I console
Kiss her cheek
Kiss her hand
Her tears stop
‘Can we go for a walk
‘That place with a bridge?
Of course we can
&
We get a coffee
Talk movies
As we walk
Hand in Hand
&
She still doesn’t realize I still
Meant every ****
Word I said
That morning

People always ask me what I’m running from

I tell them I’m not running from anything

I’m simply standing up straight
In the storm

And what you see is the storm passing over me

I don’t care about the storm
&
The storm don’t care about me
Simple

Once
In my 20s
I acquired things
Material Possessions
A
Wife
Kids
Mild success
Church goer
Do gooder
I cared about parent teacher conferences and great
School districts

In my thirties
It vanquished
Revealed its disguise
&
Lost it all
But that’s ok

Now in my 40s
I know all the
Happy Hour
Bars
&
Liquor Stores
Nearby
&
10 percent off Tuesdays
For wine
En vino veritas
Finally got the truth
I deserved
Had to lose everything
To get it
Thank you
Thirties

There’s only so much we can give
So much of ourselves
Throughout our lives
So much has been used against us
And yet we
At times still respond

Our favorite music
Our favorite quotes
Our most vulnerable period of

Our Lives
Given as gifts but used later as
Weapons

We can only give so much
And every time we feel
‘This is different
‘This will work
&
We give
As much as we can