I want to look into your heart
And find myself
Nestled in a corner
Wrapped around all the space
lingering with a warmth
Vibrating with life.
Taking tours to the mind
Totally at home with you
When you love me.

I would call you up
Just to hear your voice.
Snuggle closer as you sleep.
Hug you for no apparent reason
take long walks hand in hand
Give you all my love
Make you happy.

Lay me down to rest
Between velvet sheets
shut my eyes with rose petals.
Adorn my neck with jewels
Lay my hands together
One on top of the other.
In my favorite dress
Absolute still silence
make it cosy and warm.
Spray my favorite scent
Like paradise upon my skin
And watch me sleep.

In a life that's full
There are still gaps
Of the missing things.
A little bit of everything
Seems to make a whole
But all the pieces aren't complete
in comes the duct and glue
To fit shards together
but even on the surface
it will never fit together perfectly.

melancholy

how can i be happy
when i can't have you
who my heart longs for
i see you in my sleep
you complete my dreams.

and am lost,so very lost
without you here
to hold my hand.
you had my back and held me
when it was all crashing down.

how can i smile
when you're not mine.
i need you,i want you
let me be the one to say
am yours forever.

am cold,so very cold
only you can warm my bones
take my hand and say
it's okay to feel lost and alone
am here for you always.

We once had a connection so strong,
It took my breath away.
And now you're another name that makes me cringe,
You turned out to be an ***,
Why am I not surprised.
You took everything i loved,
Shoved it into a box.
The **** line keeps getting longer,
Am a walking poster.
Hurt me, abuse me.
Wring me inside out.
Tear me apart bone by bone,
Burn me, consume me with flame.
I am tired of crying myself to sleep,
Curling myself into a ball.
It's driving me crazy,
Am so tired.
I need my pain to stop.

You ask me why all I do is love,
yet all it does is hurt.
You don't see that its a facet,
of pain, smiles and tears.
Love isn't something you need to
breathe.
But breathing hurts when you don't feel.
It is embedded in your DNA,
Somehow we love or are loved.

You are the need that echoes back to me.

I watched you laugh
and realised you were happy
in your new role with another script
you didn't need me there
to peer over your shoulder
Keep you safe
guide your steps.

You are someone else's pair
joined at the hip
Creating a life together
one I can't share.
Doesn't matter that
I had you first
All that's left is memories.

You were my inspiration
my only reason
Still trying to forget you
Haunting my waking moments
I need to find who I was
Find a life of my own.
You're not here,
You're already gone.

You don't define me
But simply refine me
Letting me grow stronger
Find my feet and totter
You offer your shoulder
for when I need to hold on.
You were made for me
Or maybe Cupid was awake
He saw my desires.
It was fated to be this
more than just a fling.
When you hold me close
I could swear time stops
Cause I lose myself in you.
Recklessly,abundantly
Give myself over to you
Your embrace and caress
Sending shivers through me
I tremble with passion
For all of you,more of you
I could almost scream your name
You are invading my senses.
I like what you do to me.

No, no, no
Don't be gone.
Not now when i need you
More than i ever did before.
You can't be gone ,
When just a moment ago you were here.
Young and full of life.
I never got to say goodbye.
There wasn't a warning.
I woke up to find you gone.
I slept over and over again,
Hoping that the next time i awoke
You would be watching me ,
With that smile on your face.
Instead i torture myself,
With what ifs and what nots.
Sometimes all you need is hope
That its not over.
To keep it all together.

There's a hollow in my chest from where my heart used to be.
An aching emptiness where you curled up and filled me.
You got up and took my heart with you.
Now I long to feel its beat against your chest as you kiss me.
Won't you kiss me one more time?
I want to feel the fire spread from my lips to my toes.
I want to press my body to yours.
I want to make you love me.
Will you love me?

The only thing worse than being alone,
is being with you.
Coz I spend all day telling myself you're busy,
And all night convincing myself you aren't busy.
Either way I never see you.

How hard is it to pick up the phone and say 'babe I miss you.'
But you can call to ask where am at? Who am with?
What are you, my parole officer?

I try so hard to be what you want,
Tripping over my feelings so as not to tread on yours.
But you humiliate me,
Insult me and ignore me.

It hurts!!!!
I cry myself to sleep at night holding out for a hug that won't come.
I long for you to put aside your animosity and tell
me you need me.
I tremble when I get the shakes from withdrawal cause am hooked on your love.
I wish you could just put yourself in my shoes and tell me,
Would you stay or leave?

I look at you and see someone I have never met.
You could walk away and wipe my name off your heart.
I reach out and touch empty space,
Cause you aren't here.
You act like you are but you aren't.
Tell me, do you still love me?

I keep watching you with her
Fingers entwined intimately
In the way that lovers do.
Completing each others lines
It makes me yearn for you
In ways I thought I was over
To feel your arms on me
Your lips covering me in kisses
your loving embrace once more
We gave all that up before
when it wasn't working for us
Now I think we were hasty
I still love you, you know.
I want you to come back
into my loving arms.

I saw my dreams in the cradle
strength in the wood
Nostalgia in the chimes
Whimsy in the light.
I was little, I was alive.

Nobody warns you about the first boy that will break your heart.
But even if they did, what words would make it okay for him not to love you anymore?
Would it prepare you to let go when you realise love just isn't enough?

Nobody warns you of the cold nights when you can't stop thinking about him.
And the hollow pit in your chest when he doesn't pick up your calls.
Did he get someone else so soon after you?
Will today be the day when his bed smells like someone else?

Nobody warns you that it will hurt till you can't breathe.
That you will feel your world crashing around you and not be able to stop it.
Nobody warns you that you lose a part of you forever when he walks out on you.

I know am broken
A little bit
A heck of a lot.
I know i am
I feel the pain
Building into a crescendo.
Needles drawing out threads
As i unfurl into folds
Trying to breathe
Pushing back the tears.
Why must i hurt this way?
Aching to my very soul.
I can't sleep as i think of what i don't have
I can't feel from trying to block out the pain
I am alone and empty.
Dying everytime i breathe
As waves of pain engulf me
Numbing me to the core.

He was the kind of man to catch your eye.
Maybe not at first.
The kind of beautiful that is skin deep.
His big heart which cared more than he let on.
His desire to put others first.
His fragile nature which he hid behind jokes.
His love which was like a kite.
He held on to the string afraid to let it fly.

She was a hurricane on a rainy night.
Blowing every which way looking for home.
She soon realised home was him.
His warm arms around her.
His soft kisses which turned hungry.
The way he touched her like he would burn up if he didnt.
Together, their song built to a crescendo.
Mystical music that played each night when they came to their special place.

He was afraid but he was solid.
His commitment was more than words.
More even than empty promises.
He showed up every night for months on end.
Waiting for the girl who had sadness in her eyes.
He instinctively knew that this girl would change his life.
He let her in a little at a time.
Sometimes a lot.

She longed for the nights when he would swoop in.
His need on his skin like a fitting shirt.
His attention a caress she would feel.
She yearned for the kisses that started an inferno and the touches like he couldnt get enough.
She wanted all of him; body, mind and soul.
Wanted to know him as intimately as she did herself.
She knew that losing him would wreck her.
But she dived in anyway.
A life without him was like living in black and white.
He was her greens and gold. Her coloured tapestry.
He would be her utter ruin but he was worth it.


He touched her and it made her feel more alive.
He painted stars in her skin
And wrote his name on her soul.
He showed her that sometimes going slow was ok.
Sometimes it was ok to hear the music in each other.
And he would always come back to her.
For that was their fate.

She danced into his arms and he waltzed into her heart.
Together, they fitted like a jigsaw.
They had a connection so bright.
One that couldn't be denied.
She became his queen, his every need.
She was addicted without a doubt.
Never had they felt something so real.
She whispered over and over,
Let me in. Trust in us.
She hoped one day he would let their love bloom.


He made her feel like she was a beacon.
The light that guided him home.
He was a moth drawn to her flame and told her he wasnt afraid to burn.
He just wanted to bask in her glow.
She was his inevitable girl.
The flame that made him feel all the things he never did before.
She completed him.

I remember falling in love
It was magical,
It was quick,
I was helpless.
You blew me away
Like a storm on a dark cloud
I was lost from the start.
Like a little wandering child.
I don't remember falling out
It was slow and gradual,
Maybe the jealousy
Or the way you didn't care
But either way I lost it.
The desire to be with you
It's truely gone
You weren't who I wanted
You changed too much.

You gave me your hand
Reached out with your fingers
And led me on.
All the way and beyond
through friendship and more
Then abandoned ship
left me to set the sails
I thought you were below deck
But you had dived overboard
Into the turbulent sea waters
rather than sail with me.

You broke my heart
cut my chest open
Grabbed my heart and squeezed
the love and life out.
And now it can't beat
enough to keep me warm.
I shiver from the memories
Of the destruction you wrought
but mostly am alone.

Am at that point where you see
Everything is not as it seems
things that used to be fun
Aren't as good as they were.
Even fun might be spelt fan.

hiding what I feel isn't working
cant have you when i need you
all I see is you
in the air,in the night
I want a hug ,I want you
to tell me it will be ok.
that it was a mistake
that you want this too.
don't break me
you know i want you
wish you could let me
show you how great it is.

I always take it for granted
That you walk me home
When I come to see you.
That five minute walk
where we say things
hitherto left unsaid
Squeeze as many memories
As possibly can fit
Into the slow paced steps
Often hand in hand.
I never think about the return
You walk all the way back
Alone.
With nothing but yourself
For company.
I wonder if you think of me then.

Have you ever been disappointed?
Like really utterly surprised
By this person you love.
They steal your heart
Build dreams with you
Make you believe it's perfect
You found everything you want
They seem too good to be true.

Have you ever been confused?
So utterly confused
Questioning yourself
about choices you have made.
Why you were so gullible
Letting someone break you
When you love someone
Should you give them everything?
or hold some part back?
knowing you will be hurt.

Do not look for me in our old haunts
I am not there.
I walked out the door
And never looked back.
Do not call me up at 3 in the morning
I wont pick up.
I found so many things to fill my life
The space you left isn't there.
Do not say you will always love me
I don't want a captive
What I needed was a partner and friend and you didn't care.
Do not wait up for me
Am not coming home.
You threw away what we had
Couldn't even make up an excuse
it's okay to let go you know,
I already have.

In the night as you sleep,
I miss you and your touch.
Its so lonely without you here.
I have to face my fear of being alone.
You text me throughout the day,
When happy, sad or stressed.
You instinctively run to me,
And that warms my heart.
You're the one I think of,
Each minute and hour.
Am falling in love with you.
I need you to stay.

Is love the ache I get when you're far away?
The smile that breaks upon my face when I catch
you looking at me.
The urge I get to kiss you when you meet my eye and catch your teeth between your lips.
I want to love you with my eyes, lips, body and soul.
Love you so you forget everyone that loved you before.
Take you on a trip you won't forget and tell you this is it, the beginning of forever.
To wake up next to you and watch you sleep.
To hold your hand when we have nothing to say and its enough.
I want to be with you everyday and know that I chose to be here.

Kiss me
When you see me looking forlorn
Cause I miss you so much.
Write me
Long old-fashioned letters
Full of sweet nothing's
All I want in the end
Is you here with me.

If only I could close my eyes
Wish this all away
I would close my eyes
And just start over
have a new life
With a little less stress
Love what I do
And live life different
please only myself
It's too short to come last
Too hard to not take it easy
Too wrong to not be right.

He weaves a web with his words
Somehow, am caught between here and there
The distance doesn't matter,
Not as long as he writes.
And I am enthralled, captivated,
If only for a while.
I long to look upon his face,
Listen as he speaks of what he feels,
I want him to reach out to me,
And ask me to stay.

I know am supposed to be over you
But i can't help it
That my subconscious longs for you
Even though you hurt me
With each word you say.
Why can't you let me be me?
The girl you knew once
The one you fell in love with.
Quit trying to control me
Am unpredictable at best
You wouldn't get me either way.
I thought you had accepted me
Human and flawed,
Making mistakes at every turn.
But no
You get mad when i don't do as you say.
So am done trying for this
It never will be ok.
Just go now,
When am still strong enough
To let you go.

What if I told you I was going to hurt you so bad you couldn't bear to live?
That I would creep into your heart,
Make myself a home there,
Then walk out on you one day.
Would it make it easier if you knew I was going to leave?
Or would it just hurt you more knowing this wasn't real.

What if I told you I loved you so much I couldn't bear to let you go?
But I trampled on you and left you bruised.
So bad- you couldn't heal.
Would you forgive me for not being able to love you the way you deserve?
Or would it take out the candle burning for me?

What if I told you that this was all wrong?
You loving me, me loving you.
That it wouldn't last past a moment.
If that moment was all we had,
Would you love me more or less?
Tell me something a little nicer,
Or push me farther away?

What if we could make this work?
What if you didnt make me cry myself to sleep everynight?
What if this was all a bad dream and we could wake up married with kids?
I wish fate was a coin I could spin and get happily ever after.

I have always been her
That girl
the one that draws attention
Artistically, intrinsically
you just have to see her.
Everything you have dreamed
and yet nothing like she seems
She is surreal and yet real.

And now
That was then, before
now there is another girl
Whom all girls watch with green
guys strive to impress
She has charisma and poise
Elegance and pride
She is the new me
A better improved version.

Somehow it hurts so much,
To breathe.
To think.
To live.
You took the parts that were mine and corrupted them.
Everypart protests at having to work without you.
Each minute drags as though gasping for a fresh start.
I miss you.
From when i wake.
Every hour my eyes stay apart.
I miss your smile, your touch.
It hurts more than i ever imagined.
Somehow i lived before you,
But now i cant remember how to.
I need you yet i pushed you away.
You were dredging the last bits of my sanity out.
I need to find a part of me you didnt take.
I wish i could unlove you and forget giving myself to you.
It has been my undoing.
And now i am sinking in the abyss of your absence.
You broke me.
The tiny parts you linked together.
Now all that's left are regrets that masquerade as my life.

Today I stand at the brink
With nothing but my ink.
And peer down at the masses
Doing all forms of dances.
Swarming as they  wait
For the actual date.
For me to reach my peak.
Something that kept them meek
One day they will believe
After putting me through the sieve
that I will become greatness.

All this time I have been here
Right next to you.
Lying by your side
Watching you sleep.
you seem to be happy
in the land of no troubles.
If only you could be
This happy when awake.
In the place where you choose
To make your dreams come true.
you watched me cry
Held my hand
Told me you would be here.
Sometimes am with you
But your heart isn't in it
We are miles apart.
And yet am with you.

Dont want to say goodbye
When it's you I want
To spend my life with.
If it's sorrow and pain in our way
The fates must be wrong
We are so right together.
Take my mind by storm
Satisfy me as I ****** you
It's an enchantment on us
One with every design
To give us a good time.
You know I love you
Even though you don't believe
that this could ever be.

In the stillness of the night
I heard echoes of your voice
in the throes of passion
Screaming out for me
Telling me you wanted me.

I saw your face in the water
Smiling up at me
You looked up at me
And asked me to stay.
Gladly I will follow your lead
Just don't leave me.

Your silence drowns out my thoughts,
Your voice louder than the echoes of loneliness.
Your words overwhelm my mute resolve,
I hold on to nothing that suddenly seems like everything.
You push me further away,
Beyond your circle where I once had a special place.
The space you once occupied is empty,
And yet memories of your gestures hover in mid-air.
You changing your mind,
You walking away.
You didn't say goodbye.

I hate how you make fun of me
When am angry at you
As if you're having a private joke
amused that I can be so mad
Saying that am so hot angry
Only makes me want to punch
Your chest with my fists
Even if it will hurt them more.
I want you to placate me
Pacify me and indulge me
Tell me you don't want me mad
Cause am yearning for affection
funny thing is it's you
That can take away the rage
I love it when you shut me up,
With a kiss.
Or hold me as I cry
(I wish)
Instead you watch me and say
What is it this time?
I just love you for loving me.

Of all the things I gave up
You hurt the most.
I needed you day by day
You were my walking cane
Helped me through each step.

But you threw it all away
Stopped caring for me.
For how was I to know
Your interest had waned?
You couldn't tell me to my face.

If you do love me
How is it that you hurt me
Time and time again?
It's like you don't care
About my needs and pain.

And so I set you free
You don't owe me anything
If you have somewhere to be,
Go.
Just stop breaking my heart
I deserve better.