Of all the things I gave up
You hurt the most.
I needed you day by day
You were my walking cane
Helped me through each step.

But you threw it all away
Stopped caring for me.
For how was I to know
Your interest had waned?
You couldn't tell me to my face.

If you do love me
How is it that you hurt me
Time and time again?
It's like you don't care
About my needs and pain.

And so I set you free
You don't owe me anything
If you have somewhere to be,
Go.
Just stop breaking my heart
I deserve better.

I don't know where you end
And I start
It's all a little blurry
you see, you infected me
With a dose of you.
I see you in every hue.
Want you need you breathe.
You splatter my life with color
Shades of red blue you!
I can't go a day
Without my love
He hides in the recesses of
My memory and haunts me.
We are bound forever
Even when he breaks my heart.

I wish I could be
With you all the time.
Just drink you in
Like a dose of drugs
Addictive pleasurable drugs.
And have you plant on me
Little butterfly kisses .
In your arms I am taken
To paradise.
I miss you
So much my love.

I don't remember leaving my story.
I woke up and I was a part of yours.
I thought we could share space,
Co exist in love and harmony.
For a while you smiled,
The pied piper smile that led me by string into your life.
I was happy and carefree.
Throwing away my worries and pain.
Somehow I gave up pieces of me,
So you and I could fit better together.
I lie around waiting for a hug,
It's the only way I come alive.
Even though you wrote me out,
I keep waiting here for you,
To remind me what it's like,
To live, love and smile.
Sometimes you come alive for me.

having you near
makes me shiver
my heart beats faster
my head spins round.

why did you have to go
and leave me alone?
why? why? why?
does this mean am insane?
to want you back
when you broke my heart

maybe am dreaming
and it never did end
or maybe you are here
to hold me close and say
babe just stay
all i want is to know
what am feeling.

why does my voice tremble
as i speak your name.
you should know
am yours for the taking.
just tell me you are back for me
love me, love me, love me.

When you hold me
I lose myself
In memories and sensations
in the moment of you.
Your warm embrace
Molding my body to yours
I don't want to lose the passion
Of our bodies intertwined.
Consume me, invade me
With these sweet sensations
Only you can evoke.
I want you, **** right I do.

Am afraid of the dark
I guess it's the monsters
That peer in the dark
And ****** the innocence
Of the waking souls.
I don't want to sleep
Because I don't want to dream
The haunted vicious kind
Running from something
I can't even see
Feeling it gaining on me
Losing options to escape
From the snaring beast
I want a fear free night
From beasts and nightmares
All I want is light in the dark.

What if i told you, life was better as a bee?
A world of colors at the flap of wings.
Working every hour
To an assigned end.
To have a purpose, among these colors.

There is no such thing as us.
It's just you and me and all the people out there.
They don't want to feel alone so hold on to hope.
Someday they will meet a partner and begin to morph so their desires meet.
They put them first hoping its enough to make them stay.
But in the end people leave,
It's what they were meant to do.

Don't mess with my heart
When you dunno your mind
It will only break me
Don't you dare hurt me.
Don't speak sweet nothing's
They only make me listen
And then begin the lies
I really hate those.
Don't hold me
When you're leaving
It will only make me yearn
For forever starting Tonight.
You wormed your way in
Made me feel safe
Now you're different
not so much love as before
You take me for granted
turn me upside down
I want to scream
I need to get out.

You just lost the best thing you ever had and you
don't even know it.
I hope it hurts you every moment of everyday.
A numb inescapabale pain.
I want it to keep you up with what ifs and maybes late at night.
It should crawl under the covers with you and settle like a dead weight on your chest.
See I loved you with every piece of my heart.
You took all that as your due.
I could have done less but I gave you more,
Thinking you needed me too.
Am sorry that I gave you the best years of my life.
Even more sorry that I loved you.
That was my greatest mistake.
Loving someone who didn't need to be loved.

Can't you see that i love you?
I swore i would die for you.
My heart breaks
That you can't be here with me.
I feel your absence with every breath
It hurts to be without you.
You haunt me in the silence
I long to be by your side.
You complete me and i You
And now that you're gone
Pieces of me disintergrate everytime i breathe.
I hope you are thinking of me
Maybe somehow we can meet
In the collision of our thoughts
As you remember me.

I sit here
Listening to the haunting melody
As she sings our song.
I imagine you here
By my side singing along.
It feels wrong to listen to the music
We used to love
And listen to together.
I miss you so much.

Watching you cry
Made me realize
it's not you, it's me
Breaking your heart
maybe am selfish
Wanting you to be perfect
when am not.
A little love is all you wanted
I gave you alot of grief.

Hate to see you hurting
feeling like it's your fault
You tried your best
Wasn't enough for me
I must be crazy or why
Would I throw away
The one that treated me right

It's not you, it's me.
Don't fall apart
Don't let me go
I'll love you better
You know it's true
Just don't stop loving me.

I came to see you today
In a nice cream dress
Belted at the waist.
You took one look at me
Smiled and got up.
Hugged me and held me
Told me I looked beautiful,
kissed me and pushed me
Against the wall as you touched me
Took my breath away.
You pulled away and said
You just couldn't help it.
I had a silly smile on my face
You walked me home,
Hand in hand.
We took the scenic route
You didn't want the day to end
Fingers entwined
you kissed me goodbye.
Am wearing the smile now
That you left me with.

I come alive,
When i wake in your arms,
And find you watching me.
I get tingles,
From where you're holding me.
I hope for some more time,
Before you have to leave.
Nothing makes sense without you
Even if you don't make sense yourself.
i find myself drawn to you,
In ways that i can't fight
You pull me in and i lose myself.
You will always be a part of me,
I need you more.

We started out wanting the same things
now am not so sure.
You don't seem the same
Am different for sure
You don't call me
I don't sit waiting for your call
I grew up
Realized you don't want
To treat me right and make me happy
I just am not a priority
It's time I moved on.

I ask a question

The answer I wanna hear

More than anything,hopelessly

Instead, you say something noncommittal.

Ever felt your heart breaking?
It's a sharp pain that starts in your sides and squeezes out all your joy.
It's that feeling where you can't breathe cause they took your air.
It's when you can't stop crying cause someone took your feelings hostage and abused them.
It's when you love someone and they don't love you back.
They take you for granted and break you till you lose yourself.
Tell me would you still believe in love?
Or would you just let it go and pray for numbness.
Blessed reprieve from the pain, thoughts and regrets.
Maybe you should have taken better care and not fallen before you were sure he was the one.
You settled for Mr. Maybe and tried to change him.
You did this to yourself,
Got yourself broken cause you didnt wait for what you deserved.

You sneak your way in
Past my guard and defenses
Place yourself center
Right next to my heart.
You direct my dreams
Pivot my entire life.
You're taking over
never liked taking back seat.
Turning my life upside down
you're full of it, you are.
Emotions are so loaded
Infusing themselves in my actions
Breaking my heart over again
Telling me yes when it's no.

You carried me away on wings
Your long was strong enough
to keep us both afloat.
Now am sinking under the weight
of loneliness I never expected
my solitude works against
My hopes, wishes and dreams
and all that remains is nothing
no remnants of years gone by.

It really is an uphill task,
To see beneath your mask.
You wear it like a lance,
To lead the way as you dance.
Won't you let someone in?
It really is no sin
For a glimpse beneath your skin.
Open up your arms
So someone can sing the psalms.
You are more than a dream,
Look beyond the beam.

It is now in the stillness
When the crickets chirp
That I need you most.
Awake and lonely at night
thinking of how you;
Look at me
Touch me
Kiss me.
It drives me insane.
I crave you next to me
In being with you,
I come alive.
Hold me
                      Tight
                     Tighter
So that where you end and I begin
Is a mere blur of the senses.
I am overwhelmed by space
-your space
You write your way in
Like a reality television script
You belong here
Among the folds of my day
For you are the clock
That ticks me through a day
Your absence lingers
Like a persistent fly
I can feel it
You're not here.

they said he wasnt good for me
i said he was the best i had

they said he didnt love me
i said i love him enough for two

they said it wouldn't work
i said i would try my best.

they said it was a lie
i said it was the only true thing

they said he wasn't worthy
i said he was all i needed.

Not a good night for insomnia
The voices, they shout!
Disgraceful things.
I knew I should have locked
The door to their cage.
But they seem to know
How to pick the lock.
They cause mischief
Those mad little monsters.
You see, they dunno they aren't real
All they do is haunt the people
that stifle them
They need to feel heard
So they rattle the doors
Of their prisons
Drag the chains on floors
those loony voices that never shut up.

A box is all I have left
Of the things you gave to me
And the ones you left behind
Memories we shared
Photographs of holidays
Paintings we bought
The clothes I wore for dates
Every other reminder.
Am placing all those in
Going to dig deep and bury
Beneath the soil
Under a glass cover.
So that time and again I peer
Am sure when I heal
Nothing but soil will remain.

A part of me wonders
Do you really love me?
If you had to choose
Between what you want
And what you need
Would I even surface?
Or am I a repressed need?
Something you only get
Cause it's in your face.
If I walked away for a day
For a while, eternity
Would you follow me?
Look for me to the end?
Or would you realize the truth
that it was just a dream
You love everything else more.
I don't want to be second best
I deserve more, you know that
So take your time, think
but when you're done I will be gone.

Last night you made me
Lower my inhibitions
Let you in.
I looked into your eyes
And saw everything.
You kissed me and I melted
Felt my worries fading away
I couldnt think straight
I was overwhelmed by you.
The way you hold me and draw me close
the way you moan when I touch you
You give yourself over completely
I must have done something right.
I keep falling for you
You intrigue and excite me
We are so natural together
Cruel that you have to go.
I will be waiting for your return
To kiss and hold you
To lie in your arms and tall
To drive you crazy with me
I want you to know
you're special to me
In every single way.

Here I stand again
At the beginning of everything
Not sure which way to go
Whether to step forward
Or retrace my steps to the end
I did not finish what I started
Had no idea what I wanted
it was all black and blue
Maybe I needed white.

I am suspended in limbo
Between where I should be
And where I wanna be
Thinking it over day by day
What I want out of this.
Maybe in the end it will be
Worth everything to me
To just see you
Hold you
Love you.

I think of you and I
it hurts me that we fight.
Going round in circles.
Missing what is right infront of us
All i want this time
Is a love like Fitz and Liv,
Even though they can't be together
They keep coming back together.
I can't go on without you
Even if it takes 50 years
You will realize we are one the same side
Meant to last
More than a season.

Traveling back and forth
to see each other smile
Through time already charted
Listening to each other breathe
in and out with fingers entwined.
Hearts pulsing together
To the beat of love.
You take me in your arms
Kiss me
Tongue darting in and out
Of my soft moist mouth.
You draw me closer
Hand on the arch of my back.
I wrap my leg around you
Pressing closer for more.
I would gladly travel through time
to be with you.
Love how you love me.

I want to believe this badly
That you are meant for me
But each time I see you
You seem more out of my league
A charming prince in a castle
To my isolated tower
Am a little girl in deep waters
Waiting for you to help me out
One day I might get you
And then it will be alright.

I watch your life fall apart
Amidst the clutter of everyday
If only you walked slowly
you might not trip
Over the mistakes you made
Yesterday before u changed
Or when the day grabbed you
And threw you around.
the wind knocked out your sails
And I watched you flutter
and hit rock bottom.

I have tried for you
To wear a smile, to shine a light.
It's not so hard when you're here
To hold my hand.
I have cried for you
A thousand tears as the sun sets
Bitter painful tears.
I have pried myself away
Hoping to stop the pain.
But its you i want to hold me.
You i want to wipe my tears.
Only you.
Who draws me out.
Who i could watch for hours.
Whom i love.

What are we, if not together?
I am not your friend, you're far too aloof for that
Calling me only when you're bored.
you do not crave me in your space
Or long to talk to me all day.
Neither are we lovers,
The intimacy of a shared bond is mere wishful thinking.
A heated coupling can not hope to join our souls.
You only call after dusk.
I am not your partner,
For you never need my help, nor offer yours.
I have lost myself trying to find you
I have hurt my soul trying to bind it to someone that doesn't need a mate.
In trying to define us,
I only formed regrets.

I knew I loved you
from the first time we met
It was magical
Everything seeming to fall in place
Our selves fitted like a puzzle
You embracing  me as I absorbed you
I wanted to freeze that moment
Wanted forever with you.
Never knew it could hurt
Like silver melting in my veins
Painful heated agony
Of you not wanting this
You couldn't even try.
You say you love me
But if love is only pain
I would rather walk away on coals
than be locked in this furnace.

I miss him.
He seemed to complete my days
And give me a reason.
I miss him.
With every part of me.
My soul aches for him.
I miss him.
Who could make me smile
Even when i was trying so hard to be mad.
I miss him
Who my heart belongs to
Nothing can sever the bond.
I miss him.
That makes my heart sing
And my thoughts float on a cloud.
I miss him.
Who i want to spend my days with
And whom i ache to kiss.
I miss him
That puts order to my chaos
And a lid on my pain.
I would give anything to get back
Everything we had.
Oh how i miss him.

Today I tried to leave you
I mean actually go away
I packed all my things
Walked out the door.
Got myself another place
Cleaned it out and unpacked.

but then I began to long
For the sound of your voice
Yearn to be in your arms.
Am hopeless without you
You are everything I need
To fill my days with laughter
to drive me mad with anger
At the end of the day
It's you I need.

there is something about you
that makes me smile
your eyes maybe
or just your face
i just look at you and smile.

your voice lulls me to sleep
or even to feel secure
that you will hold me
and keep me safe.

the way you hold me
makes me feel like am home
right where i belong
in your arms,with you.

It feels strange when you talk about her,
Could be that I was used to being her.
The one you were supposed to love and spoil.
Instead you fought it every step of the way,
You let me down when I needed you.
Now you tell me how you took her shopping,
The little things you never got me.
How you get her the things that were supposed to be mine,
It feels like someone slept in my bed,
Wore my clothes and walked in my shoes.
Guess me leaving changed you,
Only for her to have the best parts.

Sometimes I like to get you gifts
Just to see your face light up
In pure complete joy
That eclipses every tear
you have ever shed.

Sometimes I like to peek
As we lie side by side
Cause only when am with you
Can I see the way you feel
When everything fades and dims
In light of being together.

I like to hold your hand as we walk
and show that he really cares
Watch you watching my steps
And leading the way.
I am truely protected
When I walk with you.

You indulge my fantasies
Subdue my unrest
Give me purpose and direction
with you am right in the middle
of where I want to stay.

You promised to love me
Forever and for always
But you didn't, couldn't?
was I so hard to love?

Said you would be there
I never had to be alone
why am I spending nights alone
in our bed all alone!

I see you here but you're not
Atleast not completely
Get the feeling you would rather
Be somewhere else doing something else.

What happened to forever?
the dreams we shared
And promises made in our talks
Long phone conversations late at night
And cuddles where we held on
And wouldn't let go.

Could it be that we have changed
And don't want the same things anymore
or have you found her
The one you were looking for.