I know you've forgotten about me,
Most people do.
Quick runs into love and they never were true.
I'm a devil in diamonds,
And an angel in dirt,
I was born with missing pieces,
I've been eager to hurt.

But the look in your eyes
Like a thousand knives,
Ripping through all the walls I've built around me.
And the tip of your tongue,
Sings the melodies I've sung,
For what feels like a thousand years.
The things that you said,
Play inside my head,
Like a million counts of reverb.

And it's hard to know that you're just for the day.
What do I do tomorrow when I'm not okay?

It's hard to explain,
Makes me feel I'm insane,
And the look you made when I wished I was dead.
I'm too honest for my own good,
Say more than I should,
And it pushes away every time.

But the look in your eyes
Like a thousand knives,
Ripping through all the walls I've built around me.
And the tip of your tongue,
Sings the melodies I've sung,
For what feels like a thousand years.
The things that you said,
Play inside my head,
Like a million counts of reverb

And it's hard to know that you're just for the day.
What do I do tomorrow when I'm not okay?



And I know you've already forgotten about me

I’m missing you near
Wish you were here,
I'd send a postcard to my first love.
Down below,
So as above,
Always the best when push comes to shove.  

Everyone says
That it comes in waves
Now it's crashing and covers my face.
Ashes in jars,
All that you are,
My beautiful boy, what a waste.

If you were the wine,
I'd have a taste,
Stuck in the maps and still misplaced.
If my love didn't die,
You'd still be alive
And we could get out of this place.

My heart calls to you,
With notions of gloom,
Locked in a room, in the dark.
The clock and the time,
They fall out of line,
Eternity has no ending or start.

Everyone says
That it comes in waves,
Now it's crashing and covers my face.
Ashes in jars,
All that you are,
My beautiful boy, what a waste.

The moon was hidden,
And the sky was missing any sight of stars
Or a glimmer of hope, in this case.

Walking into the room with the anxiety of falling back in a chair, awaiting inevitable pain and wishing I had taken the time to be careful and avoid this.

I keep thinking it's wrong to hate seeing you with someone else,
And the way your face lights up at the thought of someone else,
How you get your haircut and clean your entire house for someone else.

And the lights that flash,
And the music that blasts
Can’t deafen me or blind me from the fact that
I can feel the lump in my throat wrap into a swift breeze of nausea when she wraps her arms around you and kisses you like I'm not there at all.

I told you she was so pretty because I wanted to be kind,
You might be more apt to love me more if I was kind right?

I settled in the back and drank all the drinks,
And took off my glasses in the hope that blurring the sights would make them not so real,
But alas, the pain was there and was real already.

Too much to dissipate with the removal of glasses,
Just staring at blurry black shadows and smiling a look of extra approval when you turned around.

And I can never let you know,
Because I'm not a selfish person like that.
It's called love, not possession,
So I’m having to love you from across the room, and possess only the overworked smile smacked across my face.

Because I don't want you to be unhappy,
I just wanted you to be happy with me,
Not somebody else.

Something keeps telling me to let you go,
Something keeps telling me I should have never let you know,
I can see it in your eyes and they melt like the snow,
When I talk about my love for you and how like the March blossoms, it just grows.

The sweetness in the wind,
Sweeping under my chin,
Like your breath on my neck letting me know I'm too deep in.

I don't feel us parting ways,
But I know it won't be the same,
When you're twelve springs ahead of me in these silly games we play.

But I'll feel you in my chest,
When the fire you've planted begins to die,
And you'll stoke the embers inside my heart,
While the winter melts out my eyes.

Listening to you talk about someone else
Like a stab in the chest ripping all the way down
In the car after dinner,
With a ****** gaping hole,
That you couldn't see, but I felt all the same.

You were smiling and I was smiling too.
You said she was great and you met her dad by chance, and it was the best one in a long time.
I giggled childishly
And let the wound fester and ooze,
You didn't even notice.

I saw it in your eyes,
It was a love,
And it was different than ours.

When you dropped me off,
I felt guilty and nauseous.
It’s not your responsibility to cradle my ego,
To be my romance.
You told me you loved me and you'd see me soon,
You'd see her tomorrow,
Filling the wound with rocks before attempting to sew it up,
Or at least, it felt like it.

Death boy need you by my side
Come and be my ride or die
Even if only for the night.

I've been working all the time,
Tryna give you all my light,
Tryna give you all my life.

I see you in the dark,
A break between the stars,
I give you all my heart.

Come to me,
Like the ocean,
Like the tide,
Take me down and pull me in,
Death boy, I'm ready to die.

I can't wait very much longer,
This yearning’s getting stronger,
I give you all my life.

After the first time I saw you,
Hiding in your black clothes,
Smile on your face.

I can recall every second,
Recall every moment,
Know the time and place.

I see you in the dark,
A break between the stars,
I give you all my heart.

Come to me,
Like the ocean,
Like the tide,
Take me down and pull me in,
Death boy, I'm ready to die.

I can't wait very much longer,
The yearning's getting stronger,
I give you all my life.

I'm noticing less and less of a separation
Between the woman in my head,
The woman who stands before you,
And the hungry wolf I've fed.

I keep telling myself,
“To be numb will make it feel better”
But then it backfires on me.
I don't feel anxiety or embarrassment from what other people see,
For what I've done or what pushed me there,
I know, it's always me.

Sitting in bed,
Replaying in my head
Everything I ever did or said,
That wasn't me, but just a loose bolt in my head,

Crawling around trying to find a source
To feed the cravings and quench the thirst,
For attention I wanted and thought I would need,
And left me wondering why I'm never the one to leave,
Why I'm always the last woman standing in an empty crowd,
Because my pride is too strong,
Because I refuse to back down.

I wake up angry and sick with my other side,
That put me to sleep and took my body for a ride,
And I don't care if the whole world forgives me,
Because I can't forgive myself,
For starting the night as one person and morphing into someone else.

Maybe it's time to start over and invent someone new,
Or keep true to myself,
which I've never had the nerve to do.
But being numb isn't real,
When I was just born to feel,
A sensitive girl painted with false *** appeal.