Floating between heaven and hell,
In the middle of an ocean I've made for myself
I keep feeling so alone,
But that everyone is watching me,
That someone put me on the earth to study my tendencies.
To take me away if I’m not my best,
To teach me a lesson in the art of my death.


Is everything a sign?
Yeah.
And I'll feel when it's about to go wrong.
Like I didn't die in that accident because I bought those kids soda after prom.
And I won't die on the anniversary either,
Because on Friday I went to the club,
And I ran into that lady and thanked her for when she gave me a ride from the pub.


It's like I'm racing the clock and making excuses to be kind,
Because I feel like I have to, in order to survive.
To be polite?
No.
I don't care to be kind,
Well, I do, but I’m also scared I'm going to die.


Prematurely, way too early,
I didn't get to travel or see the world.
Maybe before I hop the plane I'll donate money to a local charity.
So I can have some peace of mind when I'm leaving the states,
That I'm not leaving the world yet,
That I'm in good grace.


Paranoid?
Yeah.
Yeah I'd say so.
But how many second chances until karma lets you go?

There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
I'm sure you've seen her before,
Maybe in a message of tea leaves,
While she's been living in the lines I write,
And in the threads of my seams.

She's a creature of the sea,
Washed ashore in a dream,
Living life that's unkind to her,
But unkind to everyone it seems.

She's careful and careless,
Articulate and aloof,
She walks along my collarbones at night,
Leaving no footprints for proof.

There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
She's the sun to my earth,
She's a small crying child,
She's the tangy sweet juice,
From an orchard on fire.

In a darkened corner,
Maybe half past 9,
Perhaps even later than that,
But I lost track of time.

He was beautiful and strange,
He was sitting at the bar.
I stuck out my tongue said, "buy me a drink."
Who knew he would take it so far.

Something came over me
Like a warm blanket on a cold night,
I was falling asleep,
But still walking underneath the glow of streetlights.

Stumbling around the neighborhood,
Yeah, I know it was a mess.
He held me close to his heart,
He just wants to see me undress.

There was blood on the sidewalk, there was ***** in my hair,
There were people holding onto my hands.
Trying to keep me there.

I said, "He just wants to **** me"
They said, "He's just trying to kiss you."
I said "He's trying to **** me,"
They said, "I wish I had that issue."

And then I was home,
Somehow and someway,
Feeling drained and disgusted,
I slept the day away.

Who do you vent to when you can't trust anybody?
I feel like I'm constantly growing away from everyone I've ever known.
All my branches moving in different directions,
My leaves change seasons,
But everyone else stays the same.

I feel like I'm shoved into boxes, labeled who I am, what I am, and what I will be.
I feel like I can't tell anyone the truth without being on the edge of losing them, or being told I am wrong, or that I don't fully understand.

I feel like I am underestimated a lot of the time.
Nobody believes that I can do whatever task it is I set out on,
That I am just an ambitious fool,
There's always someone smarter, more proactive, more charming,
Yet, I am trusted to make leading decisions when nobody else can be certain of the next move.

I feel tired of being looked at like I am less,
Whether it be by the tattoos dressing my skin,
My dark lipstick painted mouth,
Or the amount of people who have seen my naked body.

I feel tired of being lied to by everyone I know about small insignificant things.
I feel tired of being out of place everywhere I go.

Everything's a ******* lie,
I'm hollowed out and empty inside,
I don't regret it at all and that's the worst part,
I love the pain I feel when you **** with my heart.

I'm just a ***** in your car and a friend when you need me,
Use me up until you're  done, kiss my lips and then leave me,
I always do this to myself and it's no different than before,
My head kept begging me to stop but my heart kept wanting more.

I don't care if it hurts I just want it all,
I want the ****** but also the rise and the fall,
Ruin my soul and leave me broken,
But I'll keep my mouth shut,
The girl who's always soft spoken.

Guess karma's getting back at me for being so unkind,
All the times I've broke a heart,
And all the times ive lied.
I had too much fun for too long and now I'm doing time.
All the glass is out of my head, only one broken bone,
But I still feel broken inside.

I keep looking at the sky and thank god I'm alive,
I feel like throb of my heart and try to push it aside,
I remember waking up and not sure of the time,
Or what happened to me on the passenger side.

It's like I'm cursed so much lately,
Like death is in my mind,
Saying why'd you cheat me like that?
You won't defeat me next time.

Even though my heart feels full,
I still feel so empty inside,
The guilt slithers like a serpent in my gut
For almost severing the family ties.

I know it's my fault,
I know I should be fine,
But I guess this is what prison feels like,
Now I'm doing time.