Blossomed trees gently swaying
Rivers slowly dancing
Footprints slowly drying in the winter gloom
Centipedes curling with the heat
Hearts beating with the shadowed leaves
Eyes closing with omnipotent death
Your hands clasped in your lap
The last thing you wrote was
"anew"
The last breath you drew was today

I  don't want anything   right                                     now

i  want my
bitcoin  to     yield better returns

I guess.


Blue

blue


blue                                              into                 a                lake          of

needles
spelling out

                                                                                     your mistress.


pulse felt
beyond the dead.

beyond here and now.

staring
at you

and   knowing  

it all

Feeling the steel on my temple and the trigger locked around my finger
There's no relief
I've already been dead for years
This feels redundant
and with none of the fan fare I was hoping
Now I smile

this site is too limiting

but the only place where you assume there's an audience
even though  it's someone
clicking and then promptly leaving .


I had   a   3 way

          with a         lantern           at the bagel shop  but still  forgot to tell you about the   overdue movie.


a reference to videostores
which are now extinct;   blades of grass,

chopped up by the pound.


I   cried
3 times.            

I wrote the same **** 100 times.


I keep writing the same ****.


i'm bored.       ****. a bad word.  a racial slur(the worst one)


a crisp and  a dead  giraffe
painted with stripes   and still walking home .


I pull the covers to sleep-   and it is profound

flies bite me and you,
your body like a slab of ivory
I never wanted to eat ***** more than when I saw your pink and succulent ****; I tongued it as long as I could.  & you smelled like tangerines and berries, but
watching you try on those cute yet gaudy outfits aroused me the most; the fact you trusted my input.
& you shampooing that dark black hair in the tub with the door open, I never saw a greater contrast between light and dark.
I almost felt love,
I almost felt good in this daydream town- as though astrology was real ,  
   and I hung on to your every word like a happy fool, devoid of
    sorrow--- just awaiting a kiss from your lips,
cherry red

you were going to the mall


and watching a movie.  you itched your head- and your eye blinked.
your hand got cold,
and your tongue was wet.
your lips were blue,
and your nose was sniffly.

the air was hot,
and the chips were stale.
and the noises
were weird,
and the dialog was forgettable,

and the pain was unbearable.

and the night was long.

and the prayers and pleading amounted to absolutely
nothing

I stroke my ****
I stroke my ****.  I stroke my ****

a good 6.5 inches.

I don't ******* care.

I don't care.

    I have no family.   I ****** a Bird and ate spinach. I watched some grandma on instagram
with purple make-up,
she said ''NO''

I said ''  by golly the light is A COMPASS''.


bought a lantern
and 2 twenty bills.   no god, no singing, no sliver. **** my *** with a big strapped up electric bill.
working on a book after I find my head.


so I told you about the fifth?

take it now.

  she cute,  oh yeah .   I wrote it before and now I stoop to you.  the ***** is dying on 14th street. wiped with a green slime her **** hang like 6 plums. god tell me she's fine.
I don't know.

nick where are you. ? I have your number you stopped calling. I love you, I loved you like a sun.  plug it up.


dead berry rune,

scraped up.

you sit by a bridge,   itch it up , itch it up ,

you're nobody, just like everybody

else here.

        ;)

If I knew anything I would have just kept quiet.
If I knew anything I surely would have never met you. I get in these lapses, I forget about the soft landing and the harsh freezes.
I wish I knew my self more. For what reason do I look out this window, with black lungs which spell my fortune.
I don't need to know.  I wander along to my  big red bed.
   So many roses .  It's the same

you think i care if they like me?





people like gorilla- donkey-
man-child infant **** beheadings and **** fetish milkshake
theatre on a sunday at 2pm also


people like that too-
doesn't mean anything.


i just like what i do, but everyone else hates it.

been the story since birth
that's why they slapped me

Hello hello hello. I am awake, I dts d at the foot of the bed a d gobble oranges for my baby boy.
I was a dancer
You were a baker at the sqaut outside Denver.
I am push a coin in my head and flip to 43 inches below celcius.
"Noone cares". Well noone should. I feel ill
I told you yesterday, or actually I told noone
I feel ill and might like
Bit off my face I had a Jesus meltdown
Pray for them
Pray for them all
Pray for me too
Me too
Me too
I walk into a blue room

blood stained and cold, your hand was laid out grasping at imaginary roses.
the room was wet, and there was chilly air, and the footprints were plain as day.
tv blared in the other room, a man talking over a studio audience.
it was a very ordinary day
,
clouds and a shrubs in the back, with a barking dog and chimney smoke, and a laughing neighbor and a kid with a backpack. A red car a white door, and muddy sneakers. too ordinary for something like this. Why is it always so ordinary. why is it like a dream

back and forth
back and forth            back and forth   back and forth  back and forth
back and forth
back and forth        back and forth   back and forth
back and forth  


                     pinch  your ear  
  and  pause   in a sun-hat                  corners


like a  sponge

,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,­,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,;,;,,,;,,;,;;,;,;,­,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,,;,;;,;,,,;,;,,;,;,;;,;,;,;\;,\,,,\­,\\
,.
,
.,
.
,
.,
.
,
,..............



W

A

T

ER

/.....................................................

"write down how you're feeling"

He picks up a pen and draws a single dot .

"This is me, but it's mostly you too"

10-

going to **** myself

15-
going to **** myself
18
-

going to **** myself
for REAL NOW

20-
GOING TO **** MYSLEF

21- GOING TO **** MYSELF

22-GOING TO ****

2-
GOING TO

79-
going to **** myself

94-

going to take a *******
a roof-
then
going to
watch TV in my pajamas with my wife
Michael

this lonliness will **** me

The thing with hate is you either hate everybody or you hate yourself, but it has to be directed somewhere.
For what use this knowledge is, I don't know,
But it makes sense finally

there was a bird and there was a raccoon and there was a tree and there was a grey rock and brown shrubs and green grass and a blue soul wandering  lost so very lost

anyone actually live in big bear? I'm lonely.

just a bunch of old 'progressive' hippies getting away to a 95% ethnic majority so they can be progressive without
the cognitive dissonance of avoiding the slums in
the mainland


The walks are absolutely surreal though.

I can spend upwards to an hour just throwing rocks at a stone wall

and sleeping in a cave.

i can die.


i make a bed    of leaves    and bird spit.   I speak to odin

personal
like a dog rolling in ****,
like a clown
******* in a car in the middle of New York.
like a bug digesting fruit after a heatwave
like a child pecking the eyes out of a zebra carcass
like
a womb
producing 6 stillborn
babies,
like a drink
with too much sugar,
like a movie
with too much dialog,
like a poem with too many words, like a song with too much melody,
like a dance
with too much swing
,
like a laugh with too much bellowing,
like sobbing with too much sadness,
like a  god with too much
compassion,
like a man
with too much time, like an orphan with too much love,  like a broken record
with too many
revolutions.

I want to feel your neck. I want to see your blue eyes glistening in the night
air.
I want to feel real.
I want to be the perfect being.   like the flowing river, as it cuts through the canyon.
We will be
  there singing, and it will echo for years to come.  uncompromised beauty. let me
dream

I cut my face the other day to make a cool scar.
Ive done it on my chest a few times no problem but the blade was rusted and dull. This was a proper razor so i didnt account for the sharpness and made a ******* fissure on my cheek. I put some scotch tape on it and went to go grab my mail. The lady grimmaced, i said "yeet".
to my close acqauntences i said it was a cat.
"******* vicious cat" said jimmy john.
My life is that dull.

Green onions go in macaroni salad
not the white ones. It's too bitter otherwise.

We love you alex trebec.

It's sad that this all just goes into a  box.
just like a music genre.

it's metal,
it's pop,

it's progressive jazz,

it's Spanish celtic gypsy music,

electronic
banana  
avante garde.


Into the box it goes,   locked away   ,    and enjoyed

carefully

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,,.,.,
I can write circles around you

I can do laps.

I can breathe the poison

I can be the 'bad guy'.

I can be the 'hero'.

I can be the nobody.

I can be  the trash bag, with grain rice and 3 rotten fruit.

I can jump rope on a train

I can sing the alphabet.


I can **** the mouse.


I can spill the guts.


I can zipline to peru.

I can  feel the crevice and eat lettuce on a 2-day basis.


God-given rights
are not sacred.

Just

believe in yourself.


& stop telling me    I'M NOT WORTH IT.



:::::_)   ::::)  :::)  :))) :) :) :) 0

I always hated protein bars that were too chewy
takes too long to eat
and makes my jaw sore  .

The strawberry vanilla flavor    is lit tho.

haven't had herbal supplements
but theyre good for quad development.

can bench 300

Facebook    has   my ****  pics     I      had  granolla

picked a plum     whistling        hound

barking profound

kissed a cigg

juggling     a foamy tea kup

wating
for the handyman

leaky pipe    and a French fry.

sincere artist
-   faithful autist     -  mislabeled  ,
and misunderstood.


pride unkown  --  message unclear  -- -      teeth too chattery

batman flattery

**** in the jug     with charcoal  paints   and a toothbrush  to clean up

I just wrote a huge poem and the ******* website ''404''d on me.

it was poking fun
at people who believe in interdimensional space time travel
and transcendent alien beings
and now it's gone


but i think that's more a comment on existence than my previous
poem any way


this is all a joke

{.     } [.    {.  ] ]. [.  ].  [.      ].   ]. pacing up. a driveway in spring-air
']][[[[]]
cylinder among
  a muddy beach '''[[[[[]][[[.  pupil dilated
to  a satellite[']][[]]][[[]]][


fork-tongue ;
inebriated
and half-alive ''[['';]]][[.  strewn across 13 lots in the cold black[[[;;[[

she tears
off her hand''[[[[[[

I scream for a second[[;[[
the window calls for seconds'[[[[[]][[ ]][. last seen today[[[[]][[[[]][][]

]][[
some things to be considered[[;[[
some things
to  be

][][][][][]][]][forgotten[[[[]][[]][][[][][][][][][][]

sheer heart attack

I lie


under a black blanket,

suffocating.


curtains are grey,


and a green water is leaking.


I hate a few people,


but I never was half-assed
in my ability to love.

now I'm floating on a ***** river
while you smile at every child that smiles back at you,

as though it's not easy, when
it's a given.

you belonged to the world.

Doesn't know I exist
Under a bed somewhere
Sweltering heat
Still & quiet
Dreary like a window pane

I walked to the beach earlier & saw
the crowd
Waves hit the precipice
Yesterday was one of the best days in a while
Today felt like real death
Stale & hopeless
Full of regret
I'm sorry for what I am

To plunge my knife into your sternum
Would be too much effort
You breathe because I am
indifferent
  the
Wandering soul sits idle in a bush
awaiting your tempered heart
& jovial face
The angry ones swallow whole
all the foolish ones,
     prancing about with so little care. You make it easy to hate & hate is how we
survive

the beautiful boy


the beautiful boy,           now.   a memory
wagging a tail

forced to sell
   weeds
                                  listening to a stale
noise,

        in a tin can.


I HAVE a 2-day pass to Wendy-

fork
with. no expectation.


BREASTfeeding.  the. nine-month old in a hot bench whilst people walk bye.
      facetattooos- and excitacy with the ****** firmly plugged in.

drifting away
driftin away

I am dying

I am dying literally, I.    feel the pulse fading.
1 2. 3.  4 5. 6 7. 8



pidgeon jesus,  Muhammad ****** my ***, buddha lives in LA,

cut out my heart;
ventricles
blues
.

I have no one

I have. NO ONE.       NO ******* ONE.
BUT A SVEN in Norway;

blackened by the bite of a hand.


recluse,
no more.  forgotten. my last name is EARNest

I DONT' care anymore.  idon't care anymore. I gave up,
I moved. 50 degrees south,

I'm drunk,
I'm high. I 'm a nobody

just someone who wanted to ******* LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE


I feel the breeze

pig hands wrapped in  your ****
  I lick It off  , whiel you squeal and your child
sits in the corner,

she laughs.
I cut her ,
  she laughs      and the rain drains down the sewer .

I plunge it deep into your head , ******* your brains     until your eyes bulge out,
no longer singing to your crow.

where is your god when
he goes on holiday?

''Wednesday is a good today,
maybe tomorrow?

maybe tomorrow?"

just say never,
I 'm tired of lies .                 I will no longer walk on grass,
                  I will peel ornages for their scent.

I will eat you,                 and you will see what it means.



daylight , 2 soon.

I don't want this anymore,
so I cut myself, and spill the blood from the fat. Crying in the mirror
big man
with gashes
like

               a                         angry mouse.

I wont tell you
what to do,                       just don't tell me lies.


                              no                             lies


no *******    LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII­IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS /,,,,,,,,,,;L;L;..//. [


[P[PP[[P[L;L;;LL[O-

I've killed myself countless times -       I pull the trigger and lay the gun down on the desk.

I peel my brain from the plastic-film,  and draw with crayons.

I seep into the carpet, and I feel a warm hand on my temple.
She walks in
and disrobes

and I see a hole in her.

a deep gray hole  that blends in with the air.        blue light--  and a song
about living in the hills whilst young.


pull out a ******* sandwich,
who told you?       Sit down.  sit over there.          pass it to me.

puzzle piece -- hand-drawn,  lips pursed with heat;  

9-9=  3

I   am still a child sitting   on the bench  ,

and I still hear a crumbling          sun          and   it flows through me without
prejudice

LOL

I literally live in a log cabin     in the woods in   central California.
Raccoons eat the

seed.


i 'm gonna chop my ear off
and skin myself

he sits in his underwear with
the grey shingles closed.

his room is next to the 5 freeway
and he constantly hears
cars sliding off the ramp to
their doom
where fire trucks and ambulances pull up the remains
of children and a lady.


the water
is tap,
but sometimes bottled when he feels like it.


the air is stuffy and smells of smoke
even though he doesn't smoke, inside.

no footsteps
no shadows-

contents of the mind scattered as food boxes make do as markers,
buried


it's no time to cry-

it's no time to over think like you've
done your entire life.

it's time to act

Lonely
while cuddling a sweet and loving girl.
She sleeps right now beside me holding my hand
I don't know if I romanticize the previous relationship
or if I was always this fundamentally broken
I think I've just faked my way into all these situations
Because I barely feel human
I'm
Only here and they're
there

I could  write 1000  poems

and get a nobel  prize  ,

but at the end of the day

there's no closure.

i'm in this ****  hole,


it's cold.

i still idealistically believe that  the 'right person' could change things when we all know it doesn't.

I hope   i don't wake up this time.

I hope  
  everything goes away


good night

A breath at 3:18.
Pull the cover and think of coyotes in the canyon.
rainbow car crash, Nova
Caress, Amsterdam somersault,
October induction.
willows breeze.
Be calm. Be present. be resolved

I was so depressed about 2 hours ago I could barely move

I heard the walls
and the sink washing .

I stepped outside  and saw the cat climbing up the fence,
and the lady
beating her towel
  on a board.

the moon was full --

a rune spelled out.

emptiness, fulfilling.



A PHONECALL;

2 days later.
a video   on demand --  3 channels-- infinite potential.

no work now-

but I   was staring     out   my    car .     too much.   today

Laid up sick in bed , with 3 rolls of toilet paper at my side
I ******* for the 13th time

There's a bottle of OJ in an iron canteen
and a Mexican
Flute perched in my grandma's arms who sadly succumbed to her
       sorrow

the mucus drips drown and 3 girls wanna **** me. If I didn't have aids I'd **** them tomorrow instead of Wednesday
I
latch onto a common thread
which
Is
don't share too much of yourself
unless you wanna be caught

Can I read something good
Just
Vacate
Inoculate yourself. Porches in May.
She lays down down like wilted sun
Flowers

i strangled the *****

with a pair of ***** undwereear


then proceeded
to stuff a sock up her ****.


her eyes were forced open

and her *******
was filled with celery.


then i lit the fire
and the place
erupted
into an inferno
with smoke
dancing
miles
away like a ***** toad.


and upon them examining
the ashes,

they found
3 split
hairs

and fourtneen
canine teeth.


there was no sign of struggle,

but it didn't matter
because jeaporady was on
and I knew
ALL the answers that night

The test trial for the vaccine will be available in designated treatment zones within the Pittsburg municipality says the health director.

I keep telling them that it passed away 10 years ago.
It's a hollow husk now. It doesn't know its own name, nor the names of people it meets and keeps as an acquaintance years later.
It goes to a job and lives below the poverty line and takes 2 dhits everyday to squeeze in 5 mins of pay.
It buys the same protein and milk and bread everyday and watches videos.
It sits on a noisy bed scratching its *** and looking at dust.
Females do not like it, nor do the species as a whole.
It is useless, should've been aborted slop.
The train wont quit whistling.
Dead is too easy,
There's only a note left

I will work I will work
I will work
I will work
I will work
I will sleep
I will awake
I will work
I will write some poems
And make some art
And write some music
Some people might like it
Some won't
I will lift weights
I will punch the air
There will be a few women
There will be no children
I will be rich
I can do whatever the **** I want
I eat a salad
I die
It's  october
another person dies
and another
and the tree just stares
and mountain laughs
We all laugh
the fetus on the table laughs

It is so quiet, it is so still.
I look up and see eyes, I roll over.
I don't care.
I am in a glove, poked with a knife.
Now you try.
Weapons with no ruler. I gave it to you like ******.
Neck in my tie I dress in grey. Back from the show. How is it. I'm stopping

I'm stopping now.  Said the lost kid

hurts
                                                                         in  a puddle

of spit
and dung,

hurts.
cuffed behind -- you've already bled out-- - you already made your stand.


1,000,000 hours didn't mean anything in that
1 second.


now you're nothing. how I envy you

Thank god there's no afterlife
Just nothingness

No more hoping or praying
no more dreaming

No more people,
You just go where the worms go when they die
The ultimate Justice,
The last laugh for the mocked and ridiculed
Paradise away from you ******* ****

the best ones happen in the afternoon whilst you sit and slather eggs on your
pajamas

the best
ones happen whilst the canary alarm goes cuckoo and the mother *****
in her drawers
and picks on your scalp scab

the best ones
happen whilst
everyone has already moved on and you're contemplating just setting
a
fire