I  don't want anything   right                                     now

i  want my
bitcoin  to     yield better returns

I guess.


Blue

blue


blue                                              into                 a                lake          of

needles
spelling out

                                                                                     your mistress.


pulse felt
beyond the dead.

beyond here and now.

staring
at you

and   knowing  

it all

10-

going to **** myself

15-
going to **** myself
18
-

going to **** myself
for REAL NOW

20-
GOING TO **** MYSLEF

21- GOING TO **** MYSELF

22-GOING TO ****

2-
GOING TO

79-
going to **** myself

94-

going to take a *******
a roof-
then
going to
watch TV in my pajamas with my wife
Michael

got these new tattoos on me.

they just sit there, and it's just pigment that sits dead beneath the skin-
means nothing,

and to think some people build their whole lives around them,
whole personalities
around a ******* tiger on their calf
or bird on their neck.

all they have to offer.

i hope mine get ugly and old-- just further proof I needed nothing to prop me up.

I only ever got ahead because of me.

,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,­,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,;,;,,,;,,;,;;,;,;,­,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,,;,;;,;,,,;,;,,;,;,;;,;,;,;\;,\,,,\­,\\
,.
,
.,
.
,
.,
.
,
,..............



W

A

T

ER

/.....................................................

his head was the shape  of a triangle

his jaw  sat there  like  an indifferent  feline

his cheeks were the color
of plums

his ****** hair was light, but present nonetheless.

he was about 6'0,  thus above the cut-off range for ******.

The women would come in and talk to just him for minutes at time,
holding up the line,  but the customers didn't care;  they wanted to talk to him too.

& he would dance around,
and pop his Xanax in the bathroom,  and his dealer would come in and hand him some **** back when it was illegal--
and in plain view of the owners.

''Don't you see what  this ****** is doing?" I'd say
in exasperation- - but they'd shrug.

His beauty was good for business,
even when he was slurring   and   in a near-comatose state--

those eyes,
and perfectly sculpted brow,   and hair like an 80's detective   put  everyone in a   daze.

& one day he got in my face,   so I threw him over a counter,
and his elbow whipped back violently,
and he made a little  whimpering sound,
and I was promptly fired.

& I went and bought a beer
and jacked off

& I thought of those eyes, while so afraid.

and then I started
  putting in applications  for another **** job
a day later for Sears

I stroke my ****
I stroke my ****.  I stroke my ****

a good 6.5 inches.

I don't ******* care.

I don't care.

    I have no family.   I ****** a Bird and ate spinach. I watched some grandma on instagram
with purple make-up,
she said ''NO''

I said ''  by golly the light is A COMPASS''.


bought a lantern
and 2 twenty bills.   no god, no singing, no sliver. **** my *** with a big strapped up electric bill.
working on a book after I find my head.


so I told you about the fifth?

take it now.

  she cute,  oh yeah .   I wrote it before and now I stoop to you.  the ***** is dying on 14th street. wiped with a green slime her **** hang like 6 plums. god tell me she's fine.
I don't know.

nick where are you. ? I have your number you stopped calling. I love you, I loved you like a sun.  plug it up.


dead berry rune,

scraped up.

you sit by a bridge,   itch it up , itch it up ,

you're nobody, just like everybody

else here.

        ;)

The thing with hate is you either hate everybody or you hate yourself, but it has to be directed somewhere.
For what use this knowledge is, I don't know,
But it makes sense finally

Hello hello hello. I am awake, I dts d at the foot of the bed a d gobble oranges for my baby boy.
I was a dancer
You were a baker at the sqaut outside Denver.
I am push a coin in my head and flip to 43 inches below celcius.
"Noone cares". Well noone should. I feel ill
I told you yesterday, or actually I told noone
I feel ill and might like
Bit off my face I had a Jesus meltdown
Pray for them
Pray for them all
Pray for me too
Me too
Me too
I walk into a blue room

this lonliness will **** me

Sat down, fed the dogs , fingered some ***, ****** a mtf's hole, and squirted in her mouth, I was daddy she was 18 so it was consensual with strawberries
Bought slippers, and went to bed.
Made dinner, then posted on here. Girlfriend came home. I went to bed.
Got some chips and tilted the fan. How are you my darling. It's now late

you were going to the mall


and watching a movie.  you itched your head- and your eye blinked.
your hand got cold,
and your tongue was wet.
your lips were blue,
and your nose was sniffly.

the air was hot,
and the chips were stale.
and the noises
were weird,
and the dialog was forgettable,

and the pain was unbearable.

and the night was long.

and the prayers and pleading amounted to absolutely
nothing

you think i care if they like me?





people like gorilla- donkey-
man-child infant **** beheadings and **** fetish milkshake
theatre on a sunday at 2pm also


people like that too-
doesn't mean anything.


i just like what i do, but everyone else hates it.

been the story since birth
that's why they slapped me

I'll be rich soon  when  my Litecoin finally takes off.
been making a nice profit lately    and I'll be able to check in at the Mandalay
bay.

get myself a room   and 30 escorts
and snort some coke   and drive in a ferarri with a ****** while throwing wads of 1s at crackheads.

That's making it.


Really I should have been born in a   yurt 2000 years ago,
hunting elk with my forebears   and laughing heartily
as we sip
the honey    wine  and  dance over a   fire in the dim night  where time is meaningless
and death is only natural.


but I'll make do with my options

I always hated protein bars that were too chewy
takes too long to eat
and makes my jaw sore  .

The strawberry vanilla flavor    is lit tho.

haven't had herbal supplements
but theyre good for quad development.

can bench 300

Facebook    has   my ****  pics     I      had  granolla

personal
like a dog rolling in ****,
like a clown
******* in a car in the middle of New York.
like a bug digesting fruit after a heatwave
like a child pecking the eyes out of a zebra carcass
like
a womb
producing 6 stillborn
babies,
like a drink
with too much sugar,
like a movie
with too much dialog,
like a poem with too many words, like a song with too much melody,
like a dance
with too much swing
,
like a laugh with too much bellowing,
like sobbing with too much sadness,
like a  god with too much
compassion,
like a man
with too much time, like an orphan with too much love,  like a broken record
with too many
revolutions.

I want to feel your neck. I want to see your blue eyes glistening in the night
air.
I want to feel real.
I want to be the perfect being.   like the flowing river, as it cuts through the canyon.
We will be
  there singing, and it will echo for years to come.  uncompromised beauty. let me
dream

It's sad that this all just goes into a  box.
just like a music genre.

it's metal,
it's pop,

it's progressive jazz,

it's Spanish celtic gypsy music,

electronic
banana  
avante garde.


Into the box it goes,   locked away   ,    and enjoyed

carefully

I just wrote a huge poem and the ******* website ''404''d on me.

it was poking fun
at people who believe in interdimensional space time travel
and transcendent alien beings
and now it's gone


but i think that's more a comment on existence than my previous
poem any way


this is all a joke

I lie


under a black blanket,

suffocating.


curtains are grey,


and a green water is leaking.


I hate a few people,


but I never was half-assed
in my ability to love.

now I'm floating on a ***** river
while you smile at every child that smiles back at you,

as though it's not easy, when
it's a given.

you belonged to the world.

I cut my face the other day to make a cool scar.
Ive done it on my chest a few times no problem but the blade was rusted and dull. This was a proper razor so i didnt account for the sharpness and made a ******* fissure on my cheek. I put some scotch tape on it and went to go grab my mail. The lady grimmaced, i said "yeet".
to my close acqauntences i said it was a cat.
"******* vicious cat" said jimmy john.
My life is that dull.

Green onions go in macaroni salad
not the white ones. It's too bitter otherwise.

We love you alex trebec.

"write down how you're feeling"

He picks up a pen and draws a single dot .

"This is me, but it's mostly you too"

LOL

I literally live in a log cabin     in the woods in   central California.
Raccoons eat the

seed.


i 'm gonna chop my ear off
and skin myself

anyone actually live in big bear? I'm lonely.

just a bunch of old 'progressive' hippies getting away to a 95% ethnic majority so they can be progressive without
the cognitive dissonance of avoiding the slums in
the mainland


The walks are absolutely surreal though.

I can spend upwards to an hour just throwing rocks at a stone wall

and sleeping in a cave.

i can die.


i make a bed    of leaves    and bird spit.   I speak to odin

I was so depressed about 2 hours ago I could barely move

I heard the walls
and the sink washing .

I stepped outside  and saw the cat climbing up the fence,
and the lady
beating her towel
  on a board.

the moon was full --

a rune spelled out.

emptiness, fulfilling.



A PHONECALL;

2 days later.
a video   on demand --  3 channels-- infinite potential.

no work now-

but I   was staring     out   my    car .     too much.   today

Max wants to beat up everyone
He has a lisp and a hunchback.  He thinks everyone actively conspires against him. I ignore him

Today I stole 3 milks more than the usual 1
Even a tangerine

I took the longest **** I could because I feel like I'm being molested on a daily basis and I'm entitled to that time.

I sat with Alyssa in her car while she talked about her boyfriend and the fact that he subscribed to an onlyfans and that she now feels betrayed. if I could put my genitals in her mouth I'd be content in the moment

I got no reason to wake up.
My alarm went off 20 after clock in so I called out sick
I am sick

very

there was a bird and there was a raccoon and there was a tree and there was a grey rock and brown shrubs and green grass and a blue soul wandering  lost so very lost

I could  write 1000  poems

and get a nobel  prize  ,

but at the end of the day

there's no closure.

i'm in this ****  hole,


it's cold.

i still idealistically believe that  the 'right person' could change things when we all know it doesn't.

I hope   i don't wake up this time.

I hope  
  everything goes away


good night

he sits in his underwear with
the grey shingles closed.

his room is next to the 5 freeway
and he constantly hears
cars sliding off the ramp to
their doom
where fire trucks and ambulances pull up the remains
of children and a lady.


the water
is tap,
but sometimes bottled when he feels like it.


the air is stuffy and smells of smoke
even though he doesn't smoke, inside.

no footsteps
no shadows-

contents of the mind scattered as food boxes make do as markers,
buried


it's no time to cry-

it's no time to over think like you've
done your entire life.

it's time to act

Lonely
while cuddling a sweet and loving girl.
She sleeps right now beside me holding my hand
I don't know if I romanticize the previous relationship
or if I was always this fundamentally broken
I think I've just faked my way into all these situations
Because I barely feel human
I'm
Only here and they're
there

picked a plum     whistling        hound

barking profound

kissed a cigg

juggling     a foamy tea kup

wating
for the handyman

leaky pipe    and a French fry.

sincere artist
-   faithful autist     -  mislabeled  ,
and misunderstood.


pride unkown  --  message unclear  -- -      teeth too chattery

batman flattery

**** in the jug     with charcoal  paints   and a toothbrush  to clean up

{.     } [.    {.  ] ]. [.  ].  [.      ].   ]. pacing up. a driveway in spring-air
']][[[[]]
cylinder among
  a muddy beach '''[[[[[]][[[.  pupil dilated
to  a satellite[']][[]]][[[]]][


fork-tongue ;
inebriated
and half-alive ''[['';]]][[.  strewn across 13 lots in the cold black[[[;;[[

she tears
off her hand''[[[[[[

I scream for a second[[;[[
the window calls for seconds'[[[[[]][[ ]][. last seen today[[[[]][[[[]][][]

]][[
some things to be considered[[;[[
some things
to  be

][][][][][]][]][forgotten[[[[]][[]][][[][][][][][][][]

sheer heart attack

Doesn't know I exist
Under a bed somewhere
Sweltering heat
Still & quiet
Dreary like a window pane

I walked to the beach earlier & saw
the crowd
Waves hit the precipice
Yesterday was one of the best days in a while
Today felt like real death
Stale & hopeless
Full of regret
I'm sorry for what I am

I will work I will work
I will work
I will work
I will work
I will sleep
I will awake
I will work
I will write some poems
And make some art
And write some music
Some people might like it
Some won't
I will lift weights
I will punch the air
There will be a few women
There will be no children
I will be rich
I can do whatever the **** I want
I eat a salad
I die
It's  october
another person dies
and another
and the tree just stares
and mountain laughs
We all laugh
the fetus on the table laughs

I've killed myself countless times -       I pull the trigger and lay the gun down on the desk.

I peel my brain from the plastic-film,  and draw with crayons.

I seep into the carpet, and I feel a warm hand on my temple.
She walks in
and disrobes

and I see a hole in her.

a deep gray hole  that blends in with the air.        blue light--  and a song
about living in the hills whilst young.


pull out a ******* sandwich,
who told you?       Sit down.  sit over there.          pass it to me.

puzzle piece -- hand-drawn,  lips pursed with heat;  

9-9=  3

I   am still a child sitting   on the bench  ,

and I still hear a crumbling          sun          and   it flows through me without
prejudice

A breath at 3:18.
Pull the cover and think of coyotes in the canyon.
rainbow car crash, Nova
Caress, Amsterdam somersault,
October induction.
willows breeze.
Be calm. Be present. be resolved

pig hands wrapped in  your ****
  I lick It off  , whiel you squeal and your child
sits in the corner,

she laughs.
I cut her ,
  she laughs      and the rain drains down the sewer .

I plunge it deep into your head , ******* your brains     until your eyes bulge out,
no longer singing to your crow.

where is your god when
he goes on holiday?

''Wednesday is a good today,
maybe tomorrow?

maybe tomorrow?"

just say never,
I 'm tired of lies .                 I will no longer walk on grass,
                  I will peel ornages for their scent.

I will eat you,                 and you will see what it means.



daylight , 2 soon.

I don't want this anymore,
so I cut myself, and spill the blood from the fat. Crying in the mirror
big man
with gashes
like

               a                         angry mouse.

I wont tell you
what to do,                       just don't tell me lies.


                              no                             lies


no *******    LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII­IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS /,,,,,,,,,,;L;L;..//. [


[P[PP[[P[L;L;;LL[O-

i strangled the *****

with a pair of ***** undwereear


then proceeded
to stuff a sock up her ****.


her eyes were forced open

and her *******
was filled with celery.


then i lit the fire
and the place
erupted
into an inferno
with smoke
dancing
miles
away like a ***** toad.


and upon them examining
the ashes,

they found
3 split
hairs

and fourtneen
canine teeth.


there was no sign of struggle,

but it didn't matter
because jeaporady was on
and I knew
ALL the answers that night

hurts
                                                                         in  a puddle

of spit
and dung,

hurts.
cuffed behind -- you've already bled out-- - you already made your stand.


1,000,000 hours didn't mean anything in that
1 second.


now you're nothing. how I envy you

The test trial for the vaccine will be available in designated treatment zones within the Pittsburg municipality says the health director.

.,,..,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..,,,,,,,,,,.,,,­,,,,,,,.,,,,,,,,,,,,..,,,,,,,.........................,,,........­.......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..................,,,,,,,.............,,,,,,­,.................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,w,hy,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,A,,m,,,,,,,,,i,,,,,,,,a,lw,a,ys,,,,,,,,,­,d,,rea,m....in,,,,,g,,,,,]]

Thank god there's no afterlife
Just nothingness

No more hoping or praying
no more dreaming

No more people,
You just go where the worms go when they die
The ultimate Justice,
The last laugh for the mocked and ridiculed
Paradise away from you ******* ****

the best ones happen in the afternoon whilst you sit and slather eggs on your
pajamas

the best
ones happen whilst the canary alarm goes cuckoo and the mother *****
in her drawers
and picks on your scalp scab

the best ones
happen whilst
everyone has already moved on and you're contemplating just setting
a
fire

the beautiful boy


the beautiful boy,           now.   a memory
wagging a tail

forced to sell
   weeds
                                  listening to a stale
noise,

        in a tin can.


I HAVE a 2-day pass to Wendy-

fork
with. no expectation.


BREASTfeeding.  the. nine-month old in a hot bench whilst people walk bye.
      facetattooos- and excitacy with the ****** firmly plugged in.

drifting away
driftin away

I am dying

I am dying literally, I.    feel the pulse fading.
1 2. 3.  4 5. 6 7. 8



pidgeon jesus,  Muhammad ****** my ***, buddha lives in LA,

cut out my heart;
ventricles
blues
.

I have no one

I have. NO ONE.       NO ******* ONE.
BUT A SVEN in Norway;

blackened by the bite of a hand.


recluse,
no more.  forgotten. my last name is EARNest

I DONT' care anymore.  idon't care anymore. I gave up,
I moved. 50 degrees south,

I'm drunk,
I'm high. I 'm a nobody

just someone who wanted to ******* LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE


I feel the breeze

I don't know where my mind went. At the bus stop at 5am picking up trash and looking at envelopes.
I step on the cracked pavement. Daddy is late today so the flies **** on the pickle.
These words mean absolutely nothing. If only I had a spatula.
Freezing now with an imminent snow storm. One day I'll get what i deserve.
One day I'll look at a dead crow sqaushed in a truck wheel.
one day you'll tell me to sleep so I don't hurt anymore.
I'm the bad guy biting my tongue.
I roll over and pray for dawn,
I sit up in the gray moon
telling her all my secrets because I no longer care if I can
never forget

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,,.,.,
I can write circles around you

I can do laps.

I can breathe the poison

I can be the 'bad guy'.

I can be the 'hero'.

I can be the nobody.

I can be  the trash bag, with grain rice and 3 rotten fruit.

I can jump rope on a train

I can sing the alphabet.


I can **** the mouse.


I can spill the guts.


I can zipline to peru.

I can  feel the crevice and eat lettuce on a 2-day basis.


God-given rights
are not sacred.

Just

believe in yourself.


& stop telling me    I'M NOT WORTH IT.



:::::_)   ::::)  :::)  :))) :) :) :) 0

I think when I say stuff like ''

YEAH WELL
I WORK EVERYDAY,

'CAUSE I'M NOT AN ENTITLED
LITTLE *****--

I DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!''

it's because
deep down,

I hate my life
so much--
and I'm not fooling anyone.


I thought I at one time was special and could circumvent the pain,


but I've just become a
broken down
wheel
like the rest in the junkyard.

the fight is

leaving me

I keep telling them that it passed away 10 years ago.
It's a hollow husk now. It doesn't know its own name, nor the names of people it meets and keeps as an acquaintance years later.
It goes to a job and lives below the poverty line and takes 2 dhits everyday to squeeze in 5 mins of pay.
It buys the same protein and milk and bread everyday and watches videos.
It sits on a noisy bed scratching its *** and looking at dust.
Females do not like it, nor do the species as a whole.
It is useless, should've been aborted slop.
The train wont quit whistling.
Dead is too easy,
There's only a note left

It's a strange feeling dating someone knowing the arrangement is impermanent and that they will indeed be gone at some point; feels like a sick immoral joke to be playing with my heart, but
it's important to realize that I'm not in control, not even in matters pertaining to a perceived spiritual bond.
But it doesn't mean that I won't try
again and again
and again and again searching for something I don't even know what like a dog looking for its master.
Let me be free

It is so quiet, it is so still.
I look up and see eyes, I roll over.
I don't care.
I am in a glove, poked with a knife.
Now you try.
Weapons with no ruler. I gave it to you like ******.
Neck in my tie I dress in grey. Back from the show. How is it. I'm stopping

I'm stopping now.  Said the lost kid

I've lost myself so many times

No words

drain goes down

and so do the crumbs of another crowd, hollowed out in
your heart

This is your job