1-800-273-8255

Knowing your worth is hard once the voices in your head that remind you that you have non get louder.
They are screaming.
My head is pounding.
With every pulse a tear falls, soaking into my pillow
There is an ocean I cannot cross, I have no bridge.
But I’ll get over it eventually right?

They say they wish to look like me, to sound like me, to live their lives like me, so do they not even know me?
My body feels like a torture chamber, my voice feels silenced yet I know I can speak.
It’s not about no one understanding, it’s about  no one taking the time to try to.

Regret and terror consumes me.
I wish there were easier ways, easier nights, easier mornings.
I struggled to get out of bed this morning yet I’ve been wide awake since 5:30
Im not able to fall asleep because of my thoughts, my frightening thoughts.
I’m constantly left wondering who actually cares, who actually wants to help, and who just wants to know.
I wish I just never opened my mouth
Why does suffering in silence sound so much better than the outcomes.

I wish I could understand.
Understand myself and the feelings my body and mind contain.
I want answers, so many answers that I’m not too sure I’ll achieve.
Why does my body feel imprisoned when I am the one in control?
I am in control, well at least I think I’m in control
Am I in control?
I thought I was doing okay, I thought I was fixed
Why does everything get so much harder the moment I finally feel okay?

I’m afraid.
Afraid to talk, afraid to draw attention to myself once again.
I feel trapped in a small box that’s covered in puppy’s and rainbows that only the outside can see, the inside contains nothing but darkness and unwillingness to speak of the of the pain deep within me. GOD ******* ****** SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS BOX
Why am I okay when I’m not really okay, why is everything okay when I show that I’m happy for once in my life GOD *******...
please just someone get me out of this box.
“You’re doing so well I can just see it, you’re glowing”
Am I ******* doing okay? AM I? Because I didn’t know I was doing okay, who told you I was doing okay?
I don’t want to be the center of attention when I ask for help but it seems as though that’s all I am when I do.
There is so much inside me containing things, just things.
If I reveal those thing will they actually believe me, will they actually listen or will they smile and nod and tell me everything will be okay when it’s not okay, they just tell me it’ll be okay so that way I’m “okay”.
god ******* ****** get me out of this box.