Oh yes, yes, it's me
Want to make you laugh? Just pull my strings.
Want me to make you feel better like it's therapy?
Medicate the things you run from with scriptures out of context
It's such a lonely road and I can barely see who's in front of me... can you help me find my contacts?

See I think God allowed me to preach but not to a congregation but to this person inside who I hide, hoping he stays behind, so I can keep this act up cause I'm afraid I might act up and people gonna see that I'm not preaching to the congregation but to the person I keep imitatin.

Waving the white flag of surrender
Inside the war rages on
Compliancy is a love language to me
Yet a rebel with his fist in the air
I love it when all the pieces fit
The picture of unity
But you and me could be far from it
Still my mouth is sealed with the treaty of peace.

From the day of my birth
I've been blessed with the gift words
Never knew how to express the inside
Until I put the pen in my in hand.

I've tried the sword a couple times because it's what they say makes masculinity but for me it's toxicity so i put down the sword and write.

From rags to riches is how Jesus says we should be
Climb the corporate ladder even if it cost your dignity.
Sorry Jesus but there's a no vacancy sign on my heart
I got George, Abe and Benjamin staying and they ain't leaving soon so you'll have to wait.

I keep digging but fail to realize
I'm the one hitting the nails in the coffin and I'm being barried alive.

You have broken my body under the weight of the world
My light is like a flickering candle in the wind, barely staying lit
My heart is shattered and my eyes burn from the tears
I've barried my hopes and dreams

Why do you torment me and make me live?
Why won't you ***** me out like a cigarette being rubbed against the concrete?
Does my suffering make you laugh
Does my sorrow bring joy to your heart?

Again I say why won't you take my life?
Take back your promises and leave me in the grave so that I can finally be at peace
Let my body wither away like my hopes and dreams.

Someone sets the tone for the stage
Someone shoots me with a fire dart and ignites the flame.
All I see is red

Clinched fist with gripped tight around my throat but it's my own hand. This other side of me might one day get the best one..I just hope I can subdue it before it gets the rest of me.

Flowers in the field
Birds of the air
Look to life without care
They don't sow nor reap
And yet I'm the one loosing sleep
Counting sheep
Stacking up the bills
I can barely afford my pills.

Our shadows dance together in the moonlight
This game of cat and mouse we play with our eyes
I see you from the corner of mine as your eyes set my soul on fire with the look desire

My heart has been arrested
My mind has been held captive
Won't you be the one to set me free?

Climb with me
          Down we go
Will this ever stop?
            Gee I don't know
It's getting dark are you scared?
            Here comes the storm are you prepared?
         Who is author of this poetry?
Think he might be ADD
        Still with me? Good
Turn the lights on and see
      Everything you thought was real
Was really just make believe.

Once you were the rose that grew in my garden but now you're the thorn in my side.
You used to be the sun in my sky but now when you come out I only look for shade.

The tears of yesterday still seem to appear in the tomorrow morning and I am yet again shaken to the core by the fragments of memories that echo through my soul like ghosts looking for their body they once knew but now it seems light-years away from them. I ponder each piece of memory as it rips through the inside me leaving me bleeding but no one can see. To be honest I can't recall when the bleeding began. Was it in my youth, my adolescence or has this always been a part of me and maybe forever will be. Taking each step with each new breath as I bleed internally and adapt to this permanently with no disregard but only left with these open scars.

It's like a heavy chain tied to my heart
It's something that that likes to hide in the dark. You couldn't see it on the outside but on the inside it's like its apart of me, I can't tell sometimes where it begins and where is the start of me? This heavy cross I carry with me all day long while my inner voice says "crucify him!" Slowly sinking under the weight of this heavy burden.

Flowers blossom and wither
Depending on if I'm happy or bitter

This person I can no longer hide
The one I've kept secret to keep my pride.
He loves telling lies and always has allabies and acts like Dr. Jekyll but really knows he's Mr.Hyde

Open your eyes and realize
Reach your conclusion and stop with the illusion because it's you that you are foolin.

Sometimes I think the saddest part of life is how far we come from when we finished to when we started.

My daughter's one years old and I know someday she's going to know what it feels like to not be enough

My cousin wasn't always addicted to the ****** but then he got older had some pain that wouldn't heal  so he started medicating and started popping pills then it lead to the hard stuff and now he's not with us

I remember being young and wide eyed, never felt so alive but when I got older something in me died and when I die, I'm gonna die with a broken heart on my sleeve.

There's a hole in the bottom of my heart deep and wide and this pain I can't hide. These pain is my tattoo that no one can see because this tattoo is beneath the surface so I won't let anyone see because it's hard to see from far away so you gotta get up close but I won't let you get close to me. This tattoo has become something far greater than what I could of imagined. It has tunneled through my whole body and now I'm forever marked with this tattoo that won't go away and believe me I've tried to get rid of it but the ink is thick and dark and covers me from head to toe so I guess I'll finally come undone and let you see the side of me that lies

It's late in the night and there is tension pulling on in the inside me
It comes back in the darkest of dreams
The words from its mouth ties my hands together and I'm bound.

Thank you Jesus for my eyes that see the sunrise on that beautiful morning

Thank you Jesus for my family and friends because you know when will see each other again.

Thank you Jesus for the clean clothes that cover my body and keep cool and warm.

Thank you Jesus for my wife and daughter.  

Lord thank you for the gift of life! I'm blessed that you have allowed me to see thirty years!

Thank you Jesus for price you paid
Thank you Jesus for the foundation you laid.

The blood still applies that was shed on calvary.
It's not something that just happens at the time of salvation
It it applied in the storms of life and in the midst of temptation.
When my world is being swallowed by darkness and no one is around
The blood still applies and my feet are on solid ground.

Please have a seat and tell me why you're here.

Well I'll start from the beginning, grew up in a broken home were the foundation of my heart started to get cracks and what I mean is I grew up with an abusive dad.

I couldn't understand how someone who's supposed to be the rock won't rock with me and he loved throwing the first stones.

As a kid I felt like I viewed life on the outside cause I didn't know who I was inside so I leaned to keep the house the clean just don't look under the rug.

As life progressed I learned that people like to wear masks to mask the pain of abuse, neglect and trauma but take off the mask and you'll see a face with scars from trail of tears.

Doc can you please help me? I'm lost inside and this inner child won't stop crying. He's lost in the grocery store and they keep calling me to come get him but I keep going down the wrong aisle.

Put in my headphones, with my eyes closed and I think I'm finally starting to see that it's not ghost I'm afraid... I'm really afraid of...me.

You grew through the concrete like a rose
Now when I see you I see a ghost.

You can't buy it
You can't get it back
Spend it wisely

Tired soul with holes in my shoes
Lost so much so what's there to loose?
The night has lasted longer than expected.
So much to say but can't express it
Try to remember the way but I keep forgetting.

A street light comes on
Only the road I see
A sign that points to home
But home all along was a place inside of me.

Try to catch my breath
But you steal the air from my lungs
Sharing a table together but you always put a knife to my throat.
Turned my back on you for a second
Only to feel the cold metal of your pistol deep in my back.

My words, your weapon, my pain
Your platform.

Hold my arms out for love but you cut my wrist and watch me bleed
Look for you in the darkness but you stay silent.
Speak the words that are the longing of the heart of the inner child but you just rip my tongue out and leave me speechless.
This home I built waiting for you to return but every time I open the door for you, you pour gasoline all over me and watch me burn.

You'd think I would learn by now
But the heart fools itself with hope and wishful thinking.

Someday this merry go round will stop or I'll be standing in the ashes of a home with a match in my hand.

Bullet holes, ****** clothes, quick hide the evidence or they'll know.
Oh god what I have done!!
I'll need cash, gas and a new identity
Wonder if anyone will even know it's me?
What am I gonna tell the kids? My job? The church? If they find out it was me it will leave a world of hurt.

No looking back now I've dug my grave. My question is can I still be saved?

My mouth is sealed
My spirit sings
My soul is weary
I long for rest.

Lead me beside the still waters
Wash me in rivers of joy
Let me run through the open fields without fear.

Are you tired?
Are you weary?

Have the people you once loved left you miles apart
from the person you once knew?

You're not alone in this mystery
All your wounds, all your tears will soon be healed
You'll be able to tell the tale of victory

How you overcame it all
how you made your own destiny.

The tides are turning
One step away from being swept away
By the undertow
Finding it harder to breath
Finding no relief

Far from shore in the midnight hour
When will morning come?
When will my sun shine?
Am I condemned to eternal darkness
Please save me before my heart is hardened.

Walk with me and tell me it's all going to be okay
Tell me that you are guiding me through darkness and into light
Be the hand I can hold when I can't see the next step
Be the air I breathe when I can't take another breath.

Hold me in your arms like a child who knows he's safe in your arms.
Be my peace from all of life's alarms and promise me you'll do me no harm.

This world is so cold o God how long must this winter last?
I hear you speak in the silence " my precious child this to shall pass

I see you standing in the light with your fire burning in your heart that melts the rusty chains of yesterday. The ghost's of your past dance with you all throughout the night, swaying you back and forth between past present, light and dark.
The whisper of the wind sends a calm to your mind like gentle hands of an old friend.
The way the moon hits your eyes makes them both piercing and beautiful. The soothing sound of your voice sends a chill that paralyzes my heart leaving me breathless gasping to hear more of the angelic choir that is you. The touch of your hand across my face awakens something long ago that once lived. The heart is a battlefield, two sides fighting against one another hoping to **** and conquer. One side brave, fierce and Noble ready to take on new heights, explore the mountains and see what lies beneath all of this that we feel is real. The other side is roaring with anger, fear and bitterness. They use to hunger for more, to explore and see the beauty that is what we feel is real but something happened on the adventure. They made a wrong turn and that what was once peaceful become a nightmare leaving them in despair and agony. The sting of that memory still lies deep beneath them reminding them of what used to be but is no more. The battle rages on between the two, old scars are opening, doors that were once shut are staring break open. She turns away then turns back. I see inside your heart a war that is raging inside you. I've come to help but you only run away when I dare to come near you. Your absence has been like a winter day, beautiful as the white soft snow but harsh like the wind. When will I truly see you again? Will it just be in my memories of us and what used to be? Or will it be in flesh? Will I feel your warm body against mine? Will our hands ever meet again? Am I fool for even thinking of this? It was a brief moment that you were with me and yet I have thought about you like you've been gone for an eternity. Should I save me from myself and run? Or stand firmly and wait, knocking on the door of Faith hoping it will be you that answers.