She calls me in the morning, before the day begins
She helps to numb my scars and forget about my sins.

I met her when I was young and wide-eyed
A friend introduced us and we've been married ever since
Now I can't get rid of her but she helps to numb my scars and forget about my sins.

Most days I feel so lonely
     Hide behind this mask like does anybody know me?
      Still dealing with the same stuff I dealt with when I was a kid
        Maybe I never grew up
Maybe I'm still a kid
       Maybe I'll never get over it.

Most days I just wanna lay in bed
      Close my eyes and forget about the world cause the world already closed their eyes and forgot about me.

I just feel like I could float away and die
Send me up to heaven with a message in a bottle saying " Return back to sender"
Or go down in hell and hang with some of the family.... probably shouldn't said that... oops my apologies.

Bullet holes, ****** clothes, quick hide the evidence or they'll know.
Oh god what I have done!!
I'll need cash, gas and a new identity
Wonder if anyone will even know it's me?
What am I gonna tell the kids? My job? The church? If they find out it was me it will leave a world of hurt.

No looking back now I've dug my grave. My question is can I still be saved?

My mouth is sealed
My spirit sings
My soul is weary
I long for rest.

Lead me beside the still waters
Wash me in rivers of joy
Let me run through the open fields without fear.

The feeling of grass between your fingers
The kiss of the sun on your skin
Laughter with friends
The taste of a delicious meal
Yes even heartache and pain

Things we take for granted and only wish for them when it's too late.

From the day of my birth
I've been blessed with the gift words
Never knew how to express the inside
Until I put the pen in my in hand.

I've tried the sword a couple times because it's what they say makes masculinity but for me it's toxicity so i put down the sword and write.

Climb with me
          Down we go
Will this ever stop?
            Gee I don't know
It's getting dark are you scared?
            Here comes the storm are you prepared?
         Who is author of this poetry?
Think he might be ADD
        Still with me? Good
Turn the lights on and see
      Everything you thought was real
Was really just make believe.

From the beginning of life we are born innocent and pure
We laugh without the fears and worries of tomorrow
We see the beauty of life
People's faces, birds singing and the feeling of being unconditionally loved

Leaving us in awe and wonder
Singing with the earth a hymn to the king as we breathe in his very breath

I'm scared of love, I'm scared of lust
I'm afraid if I open up my bank account they'll take the money and run.

What will be like when I stand before your throne?
To hear my father say " son welcome home"
To be caught up in your gaze in the awe and wonder of you are
Joy will be the attire that I'll be dressed in and peace shall be my companion down the street of gold

Together with my master, savior and friend
To be held in the sweet arms of Jesus
To be with my first love

Our shadows dance together in the moonlight
This game of cat and mouse we play with our eyes
I see you from the corner of mine as your eyes set my soul on fire with the look desire

My heart has been arrested
My mind has been held captive
Won't you be the one to set me free?

A place that is forbidden
Where secrets are hidden
A place I go to be alone
A place no one knows.

Two strangers meet
Two secrets they keep
To a place I look for you
To a place I call... dark side of the moon.

Waving the white flag of surrender
Inside the war rages on
Compliancy is a love language to me
Yet a rebel with his fist in the air
I love it when all the pieces fit
The picture of unity
But you and me could be far from it
Still my mouth is sealed with the treaty of peace.

This person I can no longer hide
The one I've kept secret to keep my pride.
He loves telling lies and always has allabies and acts like Dr. Jekyll but really knows he's Mr.Hyde

Open your eyes and realize
Reach your conclusion and stop with the illusion because it's you that you are foolin.

It's late in the night and there is tension pulling on in the inside me
It comes back in the darkest of dreams
The words from its mouth ties my hands together and I'm bound.

In the midnight hour I call
Jesus son of god, have mercy on me
When dawn begins to tear through the blackened sky I repeat
Jesus son of god, have mercy on me
With one one final breath I say
Jesus son of god, have mercy on me.

Sometimes I think the saddest part of life is how far we come from when we finished to when we started.

My daughter's one years old and I know someday she's going to know what it feels like to not be enough

My cousin wasn't always addicted to the ****** but then he got older had some pain that wouldn't heal  so he started medicating and started popping pills then it lead to the hard stuff and now he's not with us

I remember being young and wide eyed, never felt so alive but when I got older something in me died and when I die, I'm gonna die with a broken heart on my sleeve.

Flowers in the field
Birds of the air
Look to life without care
They don't sow nor reap
And yet I'm the one loosing sleep
Counting sheep
Stacking up the bills
I can barely afford my pills.

It's been thirty years
That I've been on this earth
Thirty years since the day of my birth
Let me share some wisdom with you.

Take in the beauty of the ordinary
Don't neglect the mundane things
Laugh when you can
Smile at the people who pass by
Learn to let go and accept change as it comes

In the next thirty years I hope I'm a little more secure in my finances and my mental health. I hope thirty years from now I'm not in this mental hell.

Maybe content with the things that didn't work out and who knows maybe I'll have time to work out
Finally forgive my dad for not coming round or we actually work it out

I hope thirty years from now I'm a little more comfortable in my own skin, be happy with who I am and who I'm not that would be an achievement.

Maybe take some risks and see where I land and who knows maybe I'll be a little happier with the end than where I began.

Are you tired?
Are you weary?

Have the people you once loved left you miles apart
from the person you once knew?

You're not alone in this mystery
All your wounds, all your tears will soon be healed
You'll be able to tell the tale of victory

How you overcame it all
how you made your own destiny.

*** and money are the two mistresses I sneak away with in my heart and fool around with when I'm tired.

They speak smooth words and their lips taste like honey
Whenever I can't find them I feel depressed.

The more I get the more I want
I'm never satisfied
They keep throwing dirt on me
They want me buried alive.

You grew through the concrete like a rose
Now when I see you I see a ghost.

Flowers blossom and wither
Depending on if I'm happy or bitter

The road is darker in front of me and sometimes I feel myself growing comfortable in the darkness and at times giving up and befriending the darkness.

Maybe I've let my oil run dry?
Maybe I've hid my one talent too long and now I can't seem to find it.

Honestly I just want some temporary relief from the heartache that I feel. Nicotine, ***, drugs, alcohol.

I sometimes just want to feel numb and lay down forever.

The blood still applies that was shed on calvary.
It's not something that just happens at the time of salvation
It it applied in the storms of life and in the midst of temptation.
When my world is being swallowed by darkness and no one is around
The blood still applies and my feet are on solid ground.

Tired soul with holes in my shoes
Lost so much so what's there to loose?
The night has lasted longer than expected.
So much to say but can't express it
Try to remember the way but I keep forgetting.

A street light comes on
Only the road I see
A sign that points to home
But home all along was a place inside of me.

From rags to riches is how Jesus says we should be
Climb the corporate ladder even if it cost your dignity.
Sorry Jesus but there's a no vacancy sign on my heart
I got George, Abe and Benjamin staying and they ain't leaving soon so you'll have to wait.

I keep digging but fail to realize
I'm the one hitting the nails in the coffin and I'm being barried alive.

You can't buy it
You can't get it back
Spend it wisely

Lay my body down and let it return to the earth
May my soul rest in the ground and may my tears bring life to the dirt

Hear my heart beat one through the thunder
Hear the wind sing my song

Take me back to the place of my birth
O God lay me down in the ashes and dirt

Some days I feel like giving up
Feel like throwing towel
Find a new path, get a new map but how?
I've worn these chains for so long that I might just put a diamond in them.
Said that prayer that was gonna set me free, read the book and passed the test and somehow I'm still in class.