Hi, my name is Adam and I'm an addict
I'm the part of Adam he's tried hiding in the attic thinking he can tame..that he can grasp it.

See ladies and gentlemen I'm the things he won't face, I'm the hurts, habits and hang ups that he can't deal with so he takes some meds, reads a book, says a prayer and hopes I'll die real quick.

I always come back like **** cause he only kills the fruit not the root of the issues and so thanks for letting me speak. I think Adam's finally gonna let me breathe.

I'm scared of love, I'm scared of lust
I'm afraid if I open up my bank account they'll take the money and run.

Most days I feel so lonely
     Hide behind this mask like does anybody know me?
      Still dealing with the same stuff I dealt with when I was a kid
        Maybe I never grew up
Maybe I'm still a kid
       Maybe I'll never get over it.

Most days I just wanna lay in bed
      Close my eyes and forget about the world cause the world already closed their eyes and forgot about me.

I just feel like I could float away and die
Send me up to heaven with a message in a bottle saying " Return back to sender"
Or go down in hell and hang with some of the family.... probably shouldn't said that... oops my apologies.

It's been thirty years
That I've been on this earth
Thirty years since the day of my birth
Let me share some wisdom with you.

Take in the beauty of the ordinary
Don't neglect the mundane things
Laugh when you can
Smile at the people who pass by
Learn to let go and accept change as it comes

In the next thirty years I hope I'm a little more secure in my finances and my mental health. I hope thirty years from now I'm not in this mental hell.

Maybe content with the things that didn't work out and who knows maybe I'll have time to work out
Finally forgive my dad for not coming round or we actually work it out

I hope thirty years from now I'm a little more comfortable in my own skin, be happy with who I am and who I'm not that would be an achievement.

Maybe take some risks and see where I land and who knows maybe I'll be a little happier with the end than where I began.

She calls me in the morning, before the day begins
She helps to numb my scars and forget about my sins.

I met her when I was young and wide-eyed
A friend introduced us and we've been married ever since
Now I can't get rid of her but she helps to numb my scars and forget about my sins.

I hear your cries my child when the tears won't come
I know the things that haunt you, I know what they've done.
I hear the silent prayers of your heart
I know the things that weigh you down.
I see beyond the fake smile and I see a frown.

I hear the awful things they say about you and I see the scars they have left
I know you're afraid to let me in cause you think I can't handle your mess.

"Come to me"I beckon you from the shores
Come my beloved and thirst no more.

From the beginning of life we are born innocent and pure
We laugh without the fears and worries of tomorrow
We see the beauty of life
People's faces, birds singing and the feeling of being unconditionally loved

Leaving us in awe and wonder
Singing with the earth a hymn to the king as we breathe in his very breath

Who created me?
     How did I end up in this family?
Was this an accident or for a purpose?
    Been with them almost thirty years and still uncertain
    Am I the only who thinks this way
Who knows maybe it's just me
    Surely there's a home for the black sheep

I've got the matches and gasoline
Tired of staring at this old house
It's just not what it used to be.
The floor creaks, windows busted
I used to love to be here but now I'm disgusted.

Strike the match and watch it burn
Let it be ashes and embers
Let this house be something I never remember

The sky that was once was blue and everything that was black and white now has gray running through it and my world of innocence that was a safe place to hide has now left me feeling paralyzed by the lies and the ghost that linger in my mind and the child I used to be is nothing but a reflection in my eyes. The times they pass us by so if you're not satisfied with the hour just give it a second glance and see that the tides are shifting no matter if we want them to or not and now I leave you with this note as your fingers pass through mine and I see the tears that form in your eyes but don't be sad I'll be okay cause I'm just a ghost.

We built our love on promises and rings
I pledged my vows in front of our friends and family
It's been so long since that day, can't believe how easy it is for hearts to go astray.

Fear comes in the dead of night
When I look in your eyes
And wonder if you shared your smile
With someone else

But love grows in the barren wasteland
When the rains beat down on the tin roof
We'll dance to the music of the storm
And pledge this love forever more

A place that is forbidden
Where secrets are hidden
A place I go to be alone
A place no one knows.

Two strangers meet
Two secrets they keep
To a place I look for you
To a place I call... dark side of the moon.

Lay my body down and let it return to the earth
May my soul rest in the ground and may my tears bring life to the dirt

Hear my heart beat one through the thunder
Hear the wind sing my song

Take me back to the place of my birth
O God lay me down in the ashes and dirt

You've come so far so why turn around? Where would you go? Who would be? Just a little bit longer and you will see that this road is going to make you who you were always meant to be.

From the begging when darkness ruled the earth
You spoke life and light was born
From the dust you made life
You spoke my very existence with just a word and who could imagine the awe in wonder you saw in me when all I saw was dirt.

In the garden I ran and hid
But your love called me out
Grace covered my sin
Now in adoration I will bow
And sacrifice my life just as you sacrificed your crown.

Your name on my tongue is bittersweet
Your words go through me like a ghost
Sitting right next to you and we're still not close.

Should I shut the door and let the memories be your replacement?
You can see the emptiness inside of me and you know I can't fake this.

Some days I feel like giving up
Feel like throwing towel
Find a new path, get a new map but how?
I've worn these chains for so long that I might just put a diamond in them.
Said that prayer that was gonna set me free, read the book and passed the test and somehow I'm still in class.

What will be like when I stand before your throne?
To hear my father say " son welcome home"
To be caught up in your gaze in the awe and wonder of you are
Joy will be the attire that I'll be dressed in and peace shall be my companion down the street of gold

Together with my master, savior and friend
To be held in the sweet arms of Jesus
To be with my first love

The darkness comes roaring at me like a hungry lion waiting to devour my crushed spirit! Drowning in the sea of despair and hopelessness, choking on my pride while my sorrow pulls me under farther and farther. Searching for a way out or a life line but none seem to be present. The fog hovers over the deep waters covering my vision! I can barely see my hand in front of me. Oh how I wish the sun would break through and cast out this storm I'm in but my cries for help only seem to echo through the fog and my mind. Finally my body is calm and I began to float long enough to see a light breaking through the fog. Fear and anxiety fill my heart but only for a passing moment as the light shines brightly on my face, piercing through the darkness filling me with peace and love. A stillness comes over me and suddenly I'm no longer afraid, my spirit is no longer crushed and heart no longer feels the cold chill. A smile begins to form as I see the light turn into a boat. I can't see the man's face but his voice is calm, gentle and deep as he calls out to me “take my hand and I'll pull you up! I grab his hand which is rough but comforting. Pulling me on to his boat, he gives me a towel and a warm beverage. I can't see his face but I can tell he is gentle and does not wish to harm me. The storm rages on with fierce anger but I'm no longer afraid for I have found a friend who has seen this and will guide me through this.

This hollow shell inside my chest, this faint heartbeat might be the thing that steals my last breath.

Things I thought I had buried are now resurrecting so I've got two options.. either finally face them or keep running and say "forget it"

Some days I feel so lonely, I'm waiting for the better half of me to finally come and get me but I'm always hiding in the shadows of who I used to be so the only I can be free is if someone turns the light on.

Idols made of glass, idols made of silver and gold that entice me with their words of lust that are sweet like honey but bitter in my soul.
These idols I can keep hidden until they call out "wanna play a game" I must resist I must untie these ropes tied to these false hopes.
Like Linus from Charlie Brown I carry these idols like a security blanket that keeps me secure from insecurities. All my lust and impurities.

If I'm being honest I'll confess the lonliness and heartache I feel on the inside like a tree rotting from the roots and decaying by the minute. I can feel my bones and soul break and if I'm being honest I sometimes hope this is the last breath I take cause I feel fire burning within fueled by the gasoline that is my sin that I'm too prideful to  confess cause if I am being honest I just want to rest...

In the midnight hour I call
Jesus son of god, have mercy on me
When dawn begins to tear through the blackened sky I repeat
Jesus son of god, have mercy on me
With one one final breath I say
Jesus son of god, have mercy on me.

These cold hands wrap around my throat squeezing the very last drop of hope that was within me.
Those cold dead eyes lock with mine and I feel the piercing sting of death and hopelessness burn through my soul like a cigarette burn on my skin.
I'm so tired I just lay there and feel my body become numb and isolated from my mind.

How I wish the bullet would just shatter my skull like ashes across the ocean. Where is my lover that is the angel of death?
Where are you to set me free from this lamp with no light they call life.
Come take to the grave and break my soul over the altar, set me on fire and let whatever was left me be the smoke that remain in the smoke that goes to sky and eventually fades.

The feeling of grass between your fingers
The kiss of the sun on your skin
Laughter with friends
The taste of a delicious meal
Yes even heartache and pain

Things we take for granted and only wish for them when it's too late.

The road is darker in front of me and sometimes I feel myself growing comfortable in the darkness and at times giving up and befriending the darkness.

Maybe I've let my oil run dry?
Maybe I've hid my one talent too long and now I can't seem to find it.

Honestly I just want some temporary relief from the heartache that I feel. Nicotine, ***, drugs, alcohol.

I sometimes just want to feel numb and lay down forever.

Master, master, master
Where is the promises you made to me?!
How could you use me like a puppet on a string?
Why do you mock me when I cry?
When I'm hungry you only feed me lies.

The morning I'll never forget
The morning I got that text
The morning I wept

Couldn't believe it was true
Couldn't believe you were gone
Couldn't believe it was you

We were supposed to grow up and grow old and laugh at the stories we told

*** and money are the two mistresses I sneak away with in my heart and fool around with when I'm tired.

They speak smooth words and their lips taste like honey
Whenever I can't find them I feel depressed.

The more I get the more I want
I'm never satisfied
They keep throwing dirt on me
They want me buried alive.

Oh my soul why are you so cast down? Why are you so disturbed within me? It's because you neglect me and refuse to look at me says my soul. My soul, my soul I cry out I have looked at you! I've looked deep within you! What else can I do for you? You won't really face what's going on inside me says my soul, you focus on making sure the outside looks good but only to neglect the rotting walls inside the house. You paint over the pain with a fresh coat but you can't cover up what you don't face. Your words are piercing right through me, it's true i respond I've tried to paint over the pain and for awhile the days seem longer and the nights seem so short but eventually it all goes back to normal. The nights grow long and weary and the days seem to fade in the background but I don't know what else to do for you! I've tried everything! Have you tried accepting me for who I am says my soul Have you tried to love me and not try to change me? Have you really looked at me and face what your audience doesn't see? You run from me like I'm a ghost, you fear me like a disease, you tremble when I bring things to the surface. You can't run from me, you can't hide, try as hard as you want but I'll always be waiting for you in the dark alleys of your mind.