I melt with the way you look at me
Rejoicing in the sunlight that is your attention
I feel as if I could float
Until a meteorite hits
The reminder that you don't feel the same
The reminder that I'm not what you want
I hate that I feel this way for you
Because no matter how I admit it
I feel so deeply
So much more deeply than an average being
Because my emotions are intense
This feeling flows in tidal waves
Crashing against me in a pattern of warm and freezing
Warm being the moments I feel like a star in your constellation
The freezing being the reminder that you're a galaxy away
My heart stammers consistently
Whether skipping a beat at the positive attention
Or stuttering at the depression at every turn
You do not want me
As I want you
And I tell myself that's okay
But it truly hurts

Makeup
Fake face
Skin deep
Last place
Trauma
Drama
Fakers
Makers
People fight
To survive through the night
Keys between fingers
Acrylic nails sharp enough to harm
“Pick up the pace”
Turns into a race
To get home
In the dark

I am a hopeless romantic
And you, are becoming the light of my life
I see you message me
And I can't help but squeak
A smile blooms across my features,
As all the dark creatures go crawling away
And I can't wait to wake up to a new day
To say hello to you
You take my breath away
And make me say
I'm happy again

heartbreaks
headaches
heart aches
chest pains
can’t breathe
feel numb
smoke a cigarette
don’t sleep

You make me forget
Forget there was ever pain
Darkness
Fear
Loneliness
Anger
Sorrow
You make me forget

Make the pain go away
just for another day
please leave me be
I'm nothing
Don't you see
I hurt myself
And you don't know
Because I can't ask for help
Without becoming a disappointment
I have a therapy appointment
It's gonna go all wrong
Just like all the songs
I ever try to write
I'm not right
In the head
I feel dead
I lie in my bed
Feeling the dread
Of a new day
Go away
Please please please
Just make the pain go away

The Earth has shattered
Under your footsteps
My heart
A glass house
Both crumbling down
Piece by everloving piece
As you stare at me
Blankly
Saying nothing
But making me understand everything
About how you feel towards me now

Soft kisses echo through the cavern of my chest
The cavern that once was darkest in its depths
There is light there now
Brought to you by the heart that is lit aflame
The flame
Brought to you by the echoes
Caused by your soft kisses

His soul tastes like lemon drops
Warheads
Bitter rye bread
Bitter til the day he'll die and stay dead
He pretended to have a system
Just to be selfish
Helpless
We watched as he hurts our best friend
~Daemon

Hippie heights
Mile high
Everyone a little high
Smoke a little
**** a lot
Just hit up a parking lot

Find your friends,
They're everywhere
Just look here and there

The music hits a crescendo
The floor, an open space
No other dancers
We're being watched
But it feels like it's just us
We dip and twirl, spin and whirl,
Dancing,
Laughing,
Smiling,
Waltzing,
Amongst the stars that brought us to each other

You were the love of my life
So bright
Such a beautiful light
You were important to me
Can't you see
You'll only ever be
The love of my life

You've left me
In the dark
I hear the sounds
Of the night
The nightingale sings
But I cannot see it
For it has abandoned me
Same as you

She is me
But happy
She is unbroken
Unchoked
Unfucked
She is me but she is younger
She 3 to 15
Singing dancing drawing
To her hearts content
She is me but younger
Unfortunately
I killed her

Darkness, nightime
Night highs,
Sleepless

I’ve found a new man
A new hand to hold
New body to cuddle when I get cold
“I love you” he says
Often and warm
He fills my heart up with warmth

Say my name
One more time
The way you used to
When we were fine
The good days are gone
You want nothing more from me
But I wish you would just Say My Name
One more time

She is a winter storm
Cold to the touch and winds to blow you away
A wonderland to follow
Ice and snow create steady patterns on the ground

She, is torrential rain
Pouring down in the middle of the day
Flooding your Earth away

She is a hurricane,
Beautiful and dangerous

She is a human being.
Fire in her eyes,
Spark in her heart,
Life in her fingertips and
Love
In her mind

She is beautiful
Dangerous
Worrisome
Kind
Cautious

Broken

She is the me I aspire to be

This weight in my chest
this breath on my tongue
you mention her name
you smile as she texts
and this weight gets heavier

Molly
Ecstasy
MDMA
What a day
Walking sluggish
Giggling loud
**** a lil
Smoke a lot
Take a drag off that *** (cigarette in britain)
Do some crack
Just to crack up
Go to bed
Wake up
Repeat
Don't eat
Don't sleep
Take a Drink
makes you think
What am I doing with my life
~Daemon

I need a hug
But if I get a hug I will break down
Down into the ground
While my heart pounds
Out of my chest
When I become one with the earth
As I ride in a hearse
To my own funeral

Dear A,
I heard you got cheated on today,
That must have ******,
You said you were okay,
But I know you weren't,
Because I know you.
I wish I could help,
but we don't talk anymore.
It's as if we're in a war,
or,
I'll open up the door,
and you don't step through.
I miss you
Goodbye until another day.

Dear A.

Depression is a menace
It makes me stay in bed
Steal into my headspace and wander
Wondering why I still exist
How I made it to this
Made it this far
Made it here
I hear you calling my name
But I don't want to play your game
These games make me feel lame
Like I'm a lame duck
And my depression is a cuck
A cuck who doesn't know how to stop
How to stop drop and roll
How to stop punching me in the face
Like it's a race
to the finish line
I'm in line for the medications that make me artificially happy

Tears stream down my face
My screams ripping at my throat
I grip at my lungs
This burning in my chest as I realize
My heart is aflame my
Eyes burning up as they dry
My feelings not mine
But someone else's
It feels like I'm not me

With DID
There is more than just me
More than three
More like we,
there are 7 of us
All different
not the same
we're not playing a game
so do not pretend to be like us
there is no fuss or muss
no hustle in the same way
these days
i'm not all here nor there
Things get blurry
I can't always be there to hear you

Please just get to know us
Before you disavow us

Slit my neck
Slit my wrists
**** your friends
**** these feelings

i just want to disappear.
i don't really want to be here.
i want to run away
for another day
in the rain
get out of the way of being
a burden.
because that's what i am.
i just want to disappear

There is a war deep inside
I cannot hide
This war has begun
They will not stop til it has been won
There is a bullet in the loaded barrel of a gun
Held against my head
I cannot catch my breath
My anxiety through the roof
Until I find
That the hand holding the gun is mine

You were a dream
That was never meant to come true
And yet you did

You were a goddess in my eyes
Forbidden from Earth
And yet here you are

Causing me pain
Heartbreak
Watching the rain fall
With every drop I become weak

Winter is a wonderland
Snow coats the Earth
A blanket of soft white pillowy cold
That easily turns to slush

We are the authors of our own dreams
But you can’t seem to see that I am me
You’re floating on the sea
On a tidal wave of pain
A navy plane flying overhead
Trying to save you from drowning
In your own lack of self esteem
You are seemingly hurting in your own way
And you expect me to spend all my days fixing you well I won’t
Because I have to fix me first

I'm about to break now
Throw me down
Take me away
You shut me out
Took me around
******* with your hateful sound

I shoot off at the mouth
I shoot myself in the foot
Every time I open up my mouth
To speak
To see
To hear
To read
Your words that hurt me
Your words that said "Goodbye,"
You said "I learned a lot"
Yeah well so did I...

Take me home
Where I may roam
Those open fields
So I may not yield
My sanity

I want to die
But I don’t want to say goodbye
It’s getting too hard to try
So here’s what I recite
“I love you
I’m sorry
I know this came from nowhere
But please believe me
I’ll always be there.”

I'm screaming into the void
Tears flow down my face
My eyes emotionless, devoid of hope
Full of anger, rage, hate fueled pain
But my emotions don't feel like mine.

I'm drowning in waves
This pool full of hate
This lake of despair
This hateful air and wares that I cannot hear
My ears underwater
Everything is muffled

A warm ray of sunshine on a lazy day
Wrapped around me like wings
Caressing me gently
                      softly
                      kindly
­Keeping me company in my madness
Keeping me safe in my bad times

How I like you,
Though I shall never tell you

Dear Lover
We were together for years upon years
All those tears
I wasted
All those fears
You manifested
All those years
Worse than the pain brought forth

You read my poetry
But you don't see through to me
See how I feel
See me

He makes my knees weak,
pink cheeks,
happy for weeks on end
When
He abandons me
Joins the military without telling me
Leaves me for his country
Patriotism showing through the scars he brings home
While my anarchy shows through the flags I’ve flown

I want to see your smile again
The exact one that was cause of me
I want to hear your voice again
The one that put me in my safe space
I want to be in your arms again
As much as it would hurt me
Because I know, you don't want me

Cross my heart,
Hope to die
I made this promise
Looking you in the eye
I promised to never leave
So you wouldn't be a lonely guy
But you left me
So
Cross my heart
Hope to fly

I just want your smile to know
I am here for you always
Even when you don't want me...

in sickness and in health
in dire times and in wealth
i will not take you
for you abused me
hurt me
you break me daily

Heart racing
Fast pacing
1 2 3 turn 1 2 3 turn
Mellow music hoping to calm
The storm that rages inside

Run Run away from me
Away from all of reality
Into your headspace
My darling sweet
You're a lost boy now
Devoid of joy, oh how
Sprinkled up in pixie dust
So you can fly, just like them

There's no fire in your eyes
            no spark in your soul
            no life in your touch
You're a shell of a girl
Being put in a whirl
                     a wind
                     a tornado
That never stops, always goes

Tell me that it's all okay
Tell me it's just another day
Please don't tell me to go away
please, just stay
Stay with me

Go, just go
I tried saying no
I told you to go away
Leave me alone
I just want to be left alone