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I've got chump change
in my bank account

and bad vibes brooding
in my brain

I'm somewhere in between
average and clinically insane

but when you look at
me like that I shiver and I shake

my heart my soul
my blood my bones are all
laid bare for you to break
You're beautiful,
But not in the common sense of being.
You are warm and soft and real
With edges and curves, and
I can feel my fake smile and
The weight of pretending
Sliding slowly off my body
The transformation, the transition
Of falling.
I have so much love to give and if I were given the chance I would love you radically, I would let you feel everything so loudly it would radiate off your insides and it would move tectonic plates in California it would move mountains in Colorado it would be life changing, mind altering, it would be everything and nothing all at once
I have so much love bubbling up inside me I think the butterflies are starting to attack each other I think they are frustrated that I won't let them free but I'm afraid they won't come back if I do
I have so much to give and so much to tell you
I want you to know you belong with the wildflowers baby, but I will pick you for myself. I will wear you in my hair until all your petals fall off and fly into the wind I will mourn the loss and always keep the stem as a reminder that beauty is in your roots
I think you make it easier to laugh that belly laugh from the ground up the laugh I feel in my toes and in the ends of my hair you make things easy
You make things so easy baby suburbia might be enough
I might want to walk these streets forever I might want to be grey with you
But we could never be grey not you and me not us no never
We are already bright on our own and that's what makes us technicolored that's what makes us loud
I always liked things loud and you came screaming and wailing you came with an amp attached to your love you were so loud baby but you never made me quiet our sound never clashed it harmonized
You are my harmony
You are my mantra
My peace
My mine mine mine
I will love you down
I will love you loudly
It will be brash
It may hurt
But I will be gentle in the biggest way possible
Because love is a verb
And it's been a noun in my mouth for far too long
 Jul 2014 Tyler Nicholas
E
Around age 30, she had begun this dance
Of conversation, how to suggest the low-fat
Without insulting the husband’s paunch
And need for chocolate chip and fudge ripple.

Twenty years later, they stand in the aisle,
freezing, as they open door after door
in pursuit of the perfect opportunity
to be guiltless,
in at least one aspect of their lives.  

“Is that mocha chip a two-for-seven deal?”
He asks, squinting at his wife.
It’s not low-fat, it’s only sugar-free,
She said, eyebrows creased
“Well, it looks like a good deal.”
He is reaching, ignoring the tap tap of her foot,
when she snatches the tub from his palms
and the freezer door closes the conversation.
They leave for home in silence,
with frozen peas.

My fiance and I watch,
each carrying tubs of french silk
and mango sorbet, and feeling the fullness
of potential among the frozen foods,
and I add waffles and bananas
to our feast.
true story
Today I listened to our song.
The very thing that I avoided
like a plague that might **** me --
I forced myself through every second,
exactly three minutes and forty seven seconds.
Every note, measure, and lyric
was a shake in my once impenetrable fortress --
a reminder that even I am not perfect.
I wish I could take this rose
And bottle it up to take it with me.
It’s fragrance reminding me
Who I can be; Who I am.

When my blood turns black
And my soul is wilted
When my skin is pale
And my heart defenseless

I could remember my rose.
Then my weary roots could soak up its life.

My blood would turn scarlet
And my soul would stand tall
My cheeks would be rosy
and my heart defended by thorns.

If I had this rose with me
In every dark hour
I could always face life
With color, strength and power.
I’d pick the Pacific any day.
Its crazy crashes and harsh cold splashes call my heart.

I’d pick the Pacific over your calm grain blowing in the wind.
Though there may be beauty in the simple, I want to feel the fight of the waves, through the rocks and shells, and feel my stomach ache in fear at the depths and strength of the water around me.
I’d rather drown than shrivel up. I’d rather go out fighting than meekly falling over.

I was silly to think I could be anyone else but the storm I am.
The manic shift of tides, the pull of forces beyond my control send me shooting back and forth pounding my fists in the sand, crashing into the rocks head first, beating myself up against things that seem impossible to change. I could pretend for a while that I was mild, but then you ran away in the harshest storm we’d seen in years.
I lost my bearings and let go of what I was holding onto. Watching your back slowly fade as I drifted waiting for you to turn around the water wells up in my eyes. Silly me. Silly me for thinking I could ever hold back.
I swam away, diving deeper, letting bubbles tickle my sides, feeling my brain float back up to the surface and up into the clouds, I knew it was time to come up for air. But what if I didn’t?
I’d just return to that place of calm waters, and stay stagnant and unchanged. I fought to find the surface. I fought back against every doubt, every fear, every insecurity, and found I was better in that salty mess.
The air above tasted fresh and clean. I felt every limb tingle. I felt every breath burn. I was alive.
The shore was distant and I wondered if you could see me. I wondered if you were looking. Maybe you’d see the grandeur you left behind. Maybe you’ll finally understand the cost of sitting back and only watching the waves. I can’t go back to that place of silence and of calm.
So go off into the fields. Go sit and lay on your back with your hand in someone elses. I’ll be beating against the shore until I find my answers. I’ll be there.
Why does thinking of love
Make me think of you?
I don't even get it

Why is love thought to be so strong
When you can love a pair of shoes

Why is love tied with loss
Was it asked to

How does love tie with you?
My favorite game
  **I
  love to play
   Never will stop
     Everlasting joy        
      Can't stop
        Rush of excitement
          Always fun
            Feel tired
              Time to sleep
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