Hovering over the keys
I have no clue what I want to write
But I know there’s something there
So I continue to fight

So I carve every scar open

I empty these feelings onto paper
I overthink every line
I hesitate at every word
Especially the rhymes

I anxiously scribble
From heart to a thought
And in the end
I end up with nought

Not a single thing worthy
to post on this page
And I feel that it’s all
getting worse with my age

I’m like every band
The old stuff was the best
And almost like I’ve peaked
No point bothering with the rest

So I don’t know why
I even write anymore
Because writing nowadays
Just feels like a chore

Dragging your hand up my thigh,
Stopping before it becomes indecent,
A sideways glance to you, and yep.
You’re wearing a sly smile.

I continue to type, and watch my show,
While you’re putting one on for the lads across the room.
Stop it I whisper
You couldn’t care less

Your head hits my shoulder,
Our hands intertwined,
Just one of mine sits there lonely

I long to put the other one atop yours, to stroke your cheek.
But that would turn a friend into something else entirely,
We’re not ready for that yet..

Only in these moments,
I feel like there’s more.
Only in these moments,
I love you.

You cry so hard
for someone you
barely know,
it's kind of sad.
You weren't
even really
good friends,
but his words
hit you bad.
It doesn't
really matter
now, what
you think of
yourself.
You're still
crying over
the thoughts
of
someone else.

I envy the sea for it's voluptuous waves
and curvaceous ways

I envy the trees for their strong willed stand
and armour clad hands

I envy the land for for it's flattened fertile soil
and growth of which is nought from toil

I envy the world for being perfect as it was
especially before humanity laid to rest in it.

Attraction is a wonderful thing
Butterflies in a tsunami of stomach acid
Bubbling, rising,
Until you realise
who are you attracting?
And why do they want you?
And how when you have worked so ******* yourself,
Do you still attract
Men of poorer taste.


I thought attraction would be different
With my ever changing body
With my bones that jut out like a perfectly carved statue
But I forgot
No matter where I go
It follows me
And haunts me
Creeping up when I least expect it.
I thought it had left me,
But that voice still whispers
Harsher and harsher truths



"If you were prettier, maybe he would have showered"

"If you were skinnier, maybe you'd attract a good guy"

If you were beautiful


Maybe someone nice



Would be attracted to you

it happened again



and i have to wonder why




i willingly let you in




when all you do is hurt me

I think I've used up all my


C R E A T I V I T Y


and now I'm left to die of


B O R I N G N E S S
-

soft smiles and hugs
are you a friend?
are you a foe?
are you nothing but
a kind face, kind soul?
who are you?

How could I not see you before?







Why can't I unsee you now?

Maybe if I stay in bed
and never get up
maybe then I can pretend
that who i am is enough

A cold metal stick
held between floor and ceiling
I twirl and I trick
it's a fecking great feeling
And everytime I say
that i dance on a pole
everyone stares
"the fat girl playing a ***** role"
But it doesn't matter
cause for those 60 minutes
I feel like I'm flying
like i have no limits
And it's the one time a week
that I truly like myself
and I can look in the mirror
all confident in myself
I guess what I'm saying
is don't put me down
for loving myself
Cos I'm not losing my crown

Make me hate you,
make me date you,
make me love you, baby
'till I'm blind

Even though I ******* loathe you,
make me wanna

make you mine

Smiling
faces
in a
Forced
“Candid”
Polaroid.

I keep
You
In my
wallet.
Immortalised
At 16
Years
Old.

It's almost as if
I change like my hair

I heard him, that day.
He said He loved She,
Over and Over.

Over and Over,
I told She,
I do not love him

Over and Over.
She and I have never told the other a lie
Until that small but impactful half truth.

I do not love He,
I adore him,
Worship him with every fibre of my being.

When He smiles,
He sets free caged birds and butterflies.
He sets free the clutter of  my heart.

When She left, She locked his heart
and He threw away the key.
The silence hung heavy and low forever.

Since then, I have not seen He smile
I sit here in wait, for He to find the key
and obtain his freedom yet again.

To set free the clutter of my heart

I miss her in a thousand ways that I could not explain
But I can tell she doesn't miss me, from a thousand different ways.

The most obvious of all being that she no longer cares for my attention, rather finds comfort in a boys arms now.

It's a little bit ironic.

I am a failure.
A waste of sacred space.
Biological material that would've
been better spent on
something or
someone else.
A failure.
A dissapointment
and I'm used to being such because
the oxygen thats given to me
for free
is no longer wanted.
instead I breathe
anger
and sadness.
and frustration.
I rarely move from my bed.
As i write this all down,
there's an incessant pound
of the thoughts blocking up
my head.
I haven't seen daylight since Saturday.
My mother demands to know if I'm okay
and I'm not
I'm really ******* not.
but this voice in my head whispers
and whispers.
I'm a failure.
A waste of sacred space.
Biological material that would've
been better spent on
something or
someone else.
A failure.
A burden.
these thoughts swim round in my head
that I'm better off dead
or at least they could be happier
if I was.
Then i wouldn't have to make sure
i was smiling every single second
so my friends could spend less time
bothering about me
and more time
being drama queens.
Then I wouldn't be pushed to the point where i was honest
and annoyed them
because who the hell likes to hear about your mentality?
not me.
Id rather spend my days sleeping the sadness away.
because
I'm a failure.
A waste of sacred space.
Biological material that would've
been better spent on
something or
someone else.
A failure.

Lately, I find you in the most astounding things,
I find you in my music, in the songs you’ve shown me, or that remind me of you.
I find you in my poetry, both romantic and dreary.
I find you in my artwork, the ones that you’ve made me or I’ve bought.
I find you in the people I meet, who say things that remind me of us, of you.
I find you in my twinkle lights at 1 am, flickering away at my heart,
Sending a series of morse code only the two of us might understand.
SOS
I’m drowning in the reminders of you.

My heart is fragile
i attach to easily
so when he promises little things
and doesn't keep them
it stings too much
and
i cant bear to feel pain
when his name is attached to it

I'm walking on a wire
trying not to fall
because right below me
is a great big gaping hole

one misstep and its all done
I'll ruin my whole life
one misstep and I'll be gone
just another diminished light

I gingerly move my feet, so slow
and refuse to look down
I pretend that this great height is low
And wear my smile like a clown

And everyone around me cheers
they think I'm having fun
And they could never see these tears
in the end, I'm just really dumb.