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Desi Jan 2019
When I say I still love you
Part of me knows it’s not you
That I am still loving
But the way it felt to be yours

The other boys will never
Love me
Not like you did.

They can touch me but
My heart will never race
As it did in your embrace

They can buy me roses
But their smile
Will never compare to yours
When you see mine

They can complement me
But they don’t mean it
Not like you did
I could see that in your eyes
The way you looked at me

They could try to comfort me
But they’ll never make me feel better
They wouldn’t  know how to hold me
Or what to say

They could give me attention
But what good is that
If I’m only craving yours

They could make my favorite foods
But their cooking would never be as good as yours
I could cook with them but
They wouldn’t dance to
Your favorite songs with me

They could carry my books to class
Or walk by my side
But I’d only be dreaming of you

They could tell me they’re so proud of me
But you’re the only one I’m going on for

At the end of the day I want to call
I wanna tell
About everything
I wanna kiss
And I wanna feel

I wanna hear your voice
Your laugh
I wanna see you smile
I want you to strive

The boys they can want me
But they’ll never love me
Not like you did
Desi Jan 2019
You're misunderstood
your laughter always fills the room
and when peoples happiness is absent
yours is always present

However, you're not always happy
you hide your pain from the world
you're a jokester
some people don't get it, but I always do

you never know how to make up your mind but that isn't always a  bad thing
some days we go to 1000 different places
but any day with you is an adventure

anytime you're around I can count on
feeling a little better
laughing until I cant breathe

you're the strongest person I know
but you're also sensitive
you sting just like anyone else would sting

sometimes you're too ******* yourself
sometimes you make mistakes but so does everyone

you always tell me to pray for you
even if you don't believe
even if you know I always do

I love you on your best and worst days
even though we show it in twisted ways
Desi Jan 2019
they say I'm overdramatic
all I want to do
is sit in my attic
smoke and listen to the static

I feel so alone
when I'm home

when I'm out
I don't want to be there
I get scared

"just breathe"
I dry heave 
all I wanna do is leave

they tell me I'm no fun
maybe I'm a ***

I feel the judging eyes

when I  meet my demise
will they miss me
would they wish to kiss me?

when I die
please don't cry

I know you won't.
Desi Dec 2018
My room feels so lonely without you,
it  misses your laugh
your smile
the way you used to dance on its floor.

my bed misses you
your 6:00 AM cuddles
our pillow fights.

I miss your eyes
and the way you make me feel.
I think the bigger issue is the way you make me feel now.
like I'm doing everything wrong.

My family asks about you daily.
They miss your hugs
the positivity you brought to our lives.
they miss the me I was when I was with you.
they'll always love you too.

I know you're making your new life.
I know you're alright.
I know i'll eventually be okay too.

knowing you're fine makes me wonder
if you miss me too.
I wonder if you ever think of me.
my laugh
my smile
my love for you.
Desi Oct 2018
When I was younger I often had this nightmare an actual fear that I’ve developed since I knew the truth; You’re peacefully limp body on our old bathroom floor, with a rubber band around your arm and needle in hand. Though I've never seen you personally in this state I have this image vividly burned in the back of my mind. I've been sheltered yet so close to your drug addiction, only seeing parts of the things you've done. Only getting to see you when you were "feeling better" after the od.
I still remember when they told me, I was afraid for you but I wasn't even almost surprised. I began to realize thinking of something happening to you became a normal thought for me. The nightmares became my reality. Your poor decisions and horrible taste in men leaves your children scared.. no matter how many times you get the chance to change, you never will.And I'll never get used to that nor will I ever give up hope.
Desi Sep 2018
Sometimes I forget that life has ups too.
We always get so lost in the downs
It feels like that’s all we’ve got
Remember you’ll find your peace
Remember there’s always something
Even if it feels like nothing
Remember to hold on to the good days.  
Sometimes I forget to appreciate the people around me.
Sometimes I forget that if I were gone it would make a sound
That sound could echo
That sound could feel so loud in the minds of the people that knew me
Sometimes I forget that people appreciate me
Sometimes I forget that I’m less lonely than I think
On days that I feel less important or I feel like I have no purpose it’s always there.
Desi Sep 2018
Listened to the rain softly fall on the roof we used to cuddle under on days like this. I prayed maybe the rain would wash away some of this sting but my dear I fear I’ll always love you.
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