My heart feels heavy
my darling
I'll talk to you
when I wake up
if I ever do...

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

I wish i could pass out
in your arms
and
wake up in your bed.

Wake up, smoke a bowl
and go back to sleep
on your sun kissed skin,
so warm to the touch.
Getting warmer as my fingers
lay thoughts and trails down your hair.

Lay on your chest
and let my hands wrap
around you,
trace the mountain range
that runs down your back.

And for one last time,
Make you happy.

I wander between heart and mind
Between daydreams and reality
Between tormenting silences
And tiring screams
Between yes and no
Between beauty and tragedy
Between being stripped and layered
Between passion and comfort
Between hurtful truths and comforting lies
Between search and rescue
Between sky and roof
Between full and empty
Between realization and delusion
Between whole and pieces
Between gaining and losing
But most of all between
my own inner landscape
Weeding watering
Planting uprooting
Building dismantling
Fencing unlatching
Acknowledging that this garden is not perfect
Not by any stretch of the imagination
It has been the Atlantis of the soul
Seen layers below the rock bottom
It has been a traveler
Who has found a home
In happiness and in pain.