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Katie Jan 2022
Wires and knots and frays and ends
Jungled together in a mess that forfends
Any attempt at stability or control,
Giving way to a nest onlookers find droll.
Yet it all tells a story, one far too complex
To fully embrace its meanings and effects
On the state of my soul, my body, my mind,
And every piece of art my heart writes in kind.
Maybe it isn't worth the effort to untangle;
The gnarls buried deep serve little but to mangle
Any comb or brush that dares it's depths for even
A moment, an instant, but all is to be forgiven.
For the stress displayed upon my head
Bothers each and ev'ry of us within our bed
19
Katie Jan 2022
I'm different so you treat me like a child,
As if a single misplaced word will drive me wild,
Don't you see how that's seen?

One word and suddenly you're a world-class painter
But artists aren't limited to a solitary brush.
I'm not some unhinged animal waiting to see a trainer,
I still have a heart, and feelings I feel you crush.
Am I even here to you?

Or am I just a title?
A condition?
Something to murmur in hushed whispers
About why I act the way I do
Why I say the things I do
But I'm more than that.

I'm not expecting you to be perfect.
People speak in weird ways,
Act in a manner I can't affect
The stress within me stays.

I'm not expecting you to be perfect.
I just want you to treat me as a person.
18
Katie Jan 2022
What can our next step be?
This valley is becoming so deep.
Sheer cliffs either side of me,
Pressing in ever further to keep
Me restricted in this place.
Does the sight of myself harm me so?
I'm the first to admit I'd do anything to erase
This body that keeps my spirits so low,
But this catch 22 I find myself in
Is a low even I do not wish to partake.
****** if I do, if I don't, I can't win,
And even still I'm worrying these feelings are fake.
I've sunk too far to hope to surface.
I'm drowning in depths of my own despair.
I tried to find my life at my own pace,
But I guess I forgot to come up for air.
17
Katie Jan 2022
A year ago, I'd hate this.
It would be unacceptable to miss
A deadline I created, arbitrary
It may be, I shouldn't tarry.
But mistakes happen and frankly, a few hours late is better than never.
16
Katie Jan 2022
I've had twelve whole hours
I could pen a masterpiece
This haiku will do
15
Katie Jan 2022
I'm fully aware of risk I take;
Gambling again that I'll even wake,
But the rush is addicting.
Clamping a hand down, inflicting
A state upon myself I cannot
Escape from, time and again I allot
More chances for it all to go wrong.
I'll sing my final swansong.
14
Katie Jan 2022
I'd rather stay in bed
And sleep more

I'm safe here
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