When I was young, I loved geology.
not rocks, not crystals.
geology.
I thought about how pressure and time made something unique.
Little did I know I would slow to a sedimentary pace.
That things given the right circumstances become more than the individual pieces that make them.

Today was supposed to be something momentous.
But reality is relentless for moments tempestuous.

I fathom your work often.
I know it's within reason.
I don't know why you choose who you choose.
or even if you're choosing at all.
You reap daily and take without bias.
I cannot blame you.
For you work within natural laws.

Why must you take the grain most unique?

Standing tall and electrified
Standing next to self built fires.

All alone, but still antagonized.
Disconnected from living wires

Disorganized spoken static, through flawed systems
beg, beg, beg again for updated standards
Play the game, we're still just victims
Break the rules, we make the systems

who's to say our past lives aren't present
who's to say I wouldn't go for second's

If we are, from before.  
I'm here for you, I'm here for so much more

How many times will we recur before we say no more

Darling if we existed now and before,

I'd love you more then ever before.

As humankind shivered
it cut down trees,
it overcame nature.

So we were sheltered

As humankind hungered
it hunted its prey,
it took control.

So we were fed

As humankind worried
it overcame nature.
it took control.

So we will with tyrants

Ray
I know we'll never speak again.
And maybe this is me writing like a journal.
In all reality only a handful of people know you existed in my life.
And maybe its been for the better, for you.

When I think of you. I find myself full of regret.
Some of the choices I made were influences by family.
Some of the choices were out of fear of complacency.
All of the choices were mine.

Before I met you, I was a *******. I did awful stupid things as an adolescent.

Broke hearts, hurt, and manipulated people because I was played with.
It's no excuse.

It's no excuse for devaluing the people around you,
It's no excuse for taking the easy way out.

There was one thing you reminded me of.
You reminded me of a knight.

You reminded me of honor.
I was once taught the principal by a woman who twisted my brain.

"Honor is doing the right thing when no one is watching."
which is true.
But,
Honor is also being yourself, despite what the world throws at you.

If you find this.
Know that I'm sorry I didn't give you the closure you deserved.