My parents are not proud.
My siblings are not glad.
My friends are not real.
My family thinks I'm mad.
I'm slowly falling apart.
I am waiting for the day
When some one thinks I'm good enough.
I'm waiting till they love me.
I'm waiting for them to care.
I'm waiting for that day,
I try my best to stay.
I can't wait for them to hold me.
And whisper in my ear
"You matter"
I'll shake and hug them back.
"Thank you"
Waiting is a real hard thing.
Especially when you know
Who they are, where they are.
Just not if they care.

-3nwlry

When the days are cold
And you are alone.
What do you do
When I fall to the ground?
You cheer! You cheer!
Cause I'm fine and I've left.
"Finally free, of HER"
Cause I was told to be brave,
I was told, but how?
I cut and cut but can't get it out.
The pain that I feel.
Will I ever be free, free of me?
I want to leave this place.
They tell me to leave,
To die, to walk away.
They tell me to leave.
"Just leave."

-3nwlry

Have I lost my mind?
Lost and found inside.
To myself, I've cried.
In the dark I hide.
I'm the light I died
Wait for me
Wait for me
I'm almost there...

-3nwlry

If you hate me, go ahead.
Run me through
with the knife you hold.

But before you do,
Listen up.
Listen to my words.
You'll turn blue with cold,
And green with sickness.
Pale with horror.

And you should stop.
Before you do something
You'll regret.

Crossing me
With the knife that you plan to use,
It's a sin. You'll go to hell.
And I will not feel sorry.

It's up to you,
You have the knife.
Choose right now if you will.
And if you do.
Goodbye, friend.

-3nwlry

I stare at this blank paper
Thinking what to write.
My mind is filled with thoughts of you.
But I can never tell you.
How I really feel.
I moved away without a choice;
Here and you or there and no one.
They made me leave without goodbye.
You won't read this message.
I tried to fly but I fell, they laughed at my tears.
My eyes are glazed
My wrists are cut,
I'm crying in my room.
I haven't felt much since I left:
Sadness, loneliness, hate.
I wonder if you think of me,
Or if you forgot the memories that we made.
The stories that I shared.
Now I'm here in this loud place
Wishing I was there.
The only way I see you
Are in my dreaming hours.
I feel more alive in my head
Then I do in life.
The days are cold, the nights are colder.
I shiver head to toe.
I can't feel much anymore:
Cold, numb, tired.
My dreams are better than my days
Even if they end, I wonder if there is a way
To stay asleep forever.
I wish to see you again
But then I remember why
Why we talk no more
Why we stopped the hellos
But I know deep in my heart
I still wish to see you.
I don't want to feel.

-3nwlry

Everyone says "your family is perfect"
Everyone thinks we get along.
Everyone hears us speaking words of care
Everyone sees us hugging.
But listen to my words, look a little closer.
Behind that closed door, you'll find out.

Behind that door.
Screams and tears and fits.

Behind that door.
Bangs and yells and thumps.

Behind that door.
Sighs and yells and slams.

Behind that door.
Hums and tears slide down.

Behind my door.
Sleepless nights and blades.
Behind my door.
Cuts and tears and blood.
Behind my door.
I break and fade away.

Behind the front door.
Fights when cracks make breaks.
People fading away.
People losing faith.

Behind our doors.
Overdose on Tylenol
Overdose on tears.
Losing voices. Red eyes.

"Your family is perfect"
"You guys have it all"
"You are such a great family"

We tear at each other's throats.
We scream till our voices break.
I cry cause can't feel pain anymore.
We tell till our lungs give way.
We fight until our legs give out.

That's behind our doors.

-3nwlry

Even a phone call would work now.
I don't think I could look at you.
I just need some one to tell me it's not true,
That I'm not thinking straight.
But maybe that's a lie.
Maybe I just need you.
It's time to say that even though
I said I didn't like you,
I think things might end up your way.
Of course I don't believe you like me.
I don't believe you care.
I think you'll use me.
I know we should stay just friends.
But I might end up regretting
The decision that I made.
I need you to hold me
To say I'll be okay.
Don't believe my smile.
Please look through my lies.
"It doesn't matter" hole me close.
I want the same as you.
We just want love and to love
People truly love you.
It might not be as true for me.
But please don't leave yet,
You are all I have right now.
Please don't leave me.
Please don't say goodbye.

-3nwlry