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My head is aching
And the pain seers through my skull
My head is pounding

*~Marian~
My head is aching right now!! :( ~<3
I am always counting,
You’ll never make me stop,
Counting every single crumb,
And every single drop.

I will lose every pound,
It’s all going to fall,
I will only be happy,
When I have lost it all.

I am going to be skinny,
I’m determined to win,
Because I know full well,
Not eating’s not a sin.

But no-one seems to notice,
I don’t think that they care,
That I am only drinking water,
And only eating air.

So still I’ll continue!
I’ll ignore my stomach’s groans,
I’ll ignore all the pain,
Until you can see my bones.
I thought my essence
might hang on your hoodie
that I wore to bed
every night

Or maybe our favorite
movies
restaurants
and songs
might sting your eyes
every once in a while

Or maybe a bird would sing
and for one second
your heart would skip a beat
because you thought it was me
singing you whatever tune
was on my mind
like I used to

But she came to you
like the rain
and washed me away
like chalk
on the driveway
after it poured
ed
For the month of may her heart was gray
 and she only ate three apples

In the mirror she watched herself and on her cheeks were tears

She enjoyed the sin of eating
 but felt the fat pile on her body

So for the month of June her heart was black 
and she ate a stick of celery

It didn’t last long because the toilet called her name 
so nothing was all she felt

and by July her heart couldn’t beat 
and was faded into dust

and she couldn’t feel anything anymore because all she was,
 was nothing
I grasped her hips
and whispered quips
into her sultry ear.
With a mischievous leer
I pulled her near
and kissed her softened lips.
Yeah little dreamer-
Here we go again-
Lets sit at the mirror-
Lets  become friends-
No longer enemies-
Talking once more-
Friends to the written-
Divided we soar-
To all the huge clouds-
That share all our thoughts-
To divine intervention-
That share all our cost-
My stomach is hungry-
But food it don’t want-
Fear is too present-
Ambition I hunt-
No future when you front-
So just become you-
Learn to love what you got-
Only when it’s true-
I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful --
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.
They are always with us, the thin people
Meager of dimension as the gray people

On a movie-screen.  They
Are unreal, we say:

It was only in a movie, it was only
In a war making evil headlines when we

Were small that they famished and
Grew so lean and would not round

Out their stalky limbs again though peace
Plumped the bellies of the mice

Under the meanest table.
It was during the long hunger-battle

They found their talent to persevere
In thinness, to come, later,

Into our bad dreams, their menace
Not guns, not abuses,

But a thin silence.
Wrapped in flea-ridded donkey skins,

Empty of complaint, forever
Drinking vinegar from tin cups: they wore

The insufferable nimbus of the lot-drawn
Scapegoat.  But so thin,

So weedy a race could not remain in dreams,
Could not remain outlandish victims

In the contracted country of the head
Any more than the old woman in her mud hut could

Keep from cutting fat meat
Out of the side of the generous moon when it

Set foot nightly in her yard
Until her knife had pared

The moon to a rind of little light.
Now the thin people do not obliterate

Themselves as the dawn
Grayness blues, reddens, and the outline

Of the world comes clear and fills with color.
They persist in the sunlit room: the wallpaper

Frieze of cabbage-roses and cornflowers pales
Under their thin-lipped smiles,

Their withering kingship.
How they prop each other up!

We own no wilderness rich and deep enough
For stronghold against their stiff

Battalions.  See, how the tree boles flatten
And lose their good browns

If the thin people simply stand in the forest,
Making the world go thin as a wasp's nest

And grayer; not even moving their bones.
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