Léia Cheshire Estérel: Favorites

May 2013 Léia Cheshire Estérel

Hunger

May 2013 Léia Cheshire Estérel

Sparrow

Hunger

My mother taught me to finish all the food on my plate,
that children in Africa are starving for a taste of it -
and only disrespect leaves crumbs behind
but I never guessed I would be middle-aged at eighteen
         Never thought I’d know exactly what those kids were starving for.

I’m pushing a full plate towards her tight-lipped disgust
slathered in every last drop of stubborn society -
she will always be the epitome of gluttony
in the most frail and forgotten way,
          Always asking for more than I could ever give.

Only those will a full cupboard of snacks
stand before the cool air of refrigerators
discerning the difference between craving and needing
as the hours ticks away like racing dollar bills
I spent every last second stuffing her full with time
          But she told me that her stomach was empty

I am eighteen going on thirty-two
raising a defensive daughter I never gave birth to
and now I know what those kids in Africa starve for -
         Not just food
                    But the taste of having too much
                             Too easy
         so that they can feel hungry again.

May 2013 Léia Cheshire Estérel

Hunger

May 2013 Léia Cheshire Estérel

Dear

Hunger

WILL THIS HUNGER EVER SUBSIDE?
I don't believe I want it to..
I paint my insides and drown them in ink
Leave them at your door to be smeared on your walls with the hope I have create something you cannot forget.
Something that will craze you in manic love once again.

I like it.

The ache so strong in the depths of my core
Eating away at the lining of my being until there is nothing more.

ARE YOU NOT STARVING?

Indifference is a mechanism of defense
Stowing away only the most intense.

I will play pretend I am whole and free until I actualize it to myself that I am indeed
And I will hate you for making me believe to feel as such, it was you I did need.

WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE LISTENED TO NERUDA!

Tied hearts in the dark get tangled and the knots end up in your stomach
The independence of the sun will make you sick as you realize your worldliness.

Together we are heaven
And therefore I must believe we made an illusion.
Reality brings about things we believe we could have only imagined.

I adore the desire of you.
Only the dreams are screaming it is beyond merely you that I desire so lavishly.
And you are just as those allusive dreams I feel the importance of but cannot quite recall so am endlessly trying to figure
(like the word that escapes you when it is the only and perfect one to translate what is in mind)

We could give each other all our love
A piece of overly buttered bread is what we would end up.

Too rich. Too filling. Too much.

Though some would argue there isn't such a
thing.

I AM DISCONTENTED WITH NOT UNDERSTANDING THE MEANING
Sensed as abruptly as the scent of humid bodies and patchouli

I cannot believe you to be but a distraction God threw at me to see if I could deflect that which might hold me from some spiritual duty.

But if so, I'll cut myself loose.
I'll think of you as the pond I once rested against in my travels as a wild goose.
Filled myself with the life that surrounds you an flourishes beneath your surface.

I'll trust I will come upon your easy waters
Or some as tranquil when my wings need rest to further soar.

I always knew you were a challenge to overcome.
And I thought the challenge was to be with you as your greatest lover
When I just got the idea..
Maybe the challenge to overcome is being in love with you at all in this time of mine so ripe