when you spin
the world spins too
a swirly mess of colors and hues
vibrant blues and greens that dance across a stage
long silk ribbons of blonde hair cry out from their cage
yellow pearls sprinkled on a green blurry mass
“slow down” screams the landscape
“can’t” you laugh “ I’m going too fast!”

my birthday is just days away
but I really wish it wasn't
I want to wrap it up like a present that I want to open but mustn't  
I just want it to stay where it is
like a heavy stone in a rapid river that never drifts
and in another season when I'm ready i'll open up my gift

Remember back when we were friends
It seems so long ago
You have moved on and I have sorrow
I wish we didn’t have so many loose ends
I want to see your name on my phone
I’m tired of being empty and alone

I'm floating above and watching
when did the sky darken?
when did I stop paying attention?
when will I come back down?

Minutes pass in seconds
Minutes pass in rhymes
These minutes are so dreary but they do mark the time
So don’t rely on heartbeats
Don’t rely on tears
Just rely on numbers
Just rely on clocks
Imagination can be a rabbit hole that grows deeper by the tick tocks

I can’t think
Without stuttering
I can’t walk
Without fumbling
I can’t smile
I can’t feel
One day I started mumbling
I’ll find my voice again In time
I got worst instead of better
Unmotivated instead of inclined

I looked up interesting words
And hiraeth came up
The definition said longing for a home that’s gone or dead
A home that perhaps never was
Or never should’ve been

How did Emily Dickinson do it
Make her poems sound so natural
Did it come to her like breathing
Or like a craft she had to master
A life in solitude but a life with a head full of tragic poetry u amaze me you crazy elegant catastrophe

Come with me
Come leave the world behind to the people that can save it
Why endure this any longer when we can’t change it
Why do we continue to weigh it down with our mediocre livings
Fly high
Fly far
Where you can love who you are

The world feels strange, cold, and distant
a million miles away with no intent to stay
Th world feels cloudy, fuzzy, and intrusive
Aggravated and agitated
Tired and restless
moving too quick yet frustratingly slow
The heart beat of the earth comes and goes
Waves splash and retract
Building back together after falling apart
I stare vacantly at the ocean a piece of art
Emitting vibrations like ancient wind chimes
Reconstruction as my mind rewinds
It’s strange how your view of the world will shift and change
Molded to fit a standard that’s been prearranged
Strange how your values twist and contort
No longer a decision but a last resort

I hate her
I hate how she’s a clumsy bubbling river of awkward
I hate how she’s so overweight and entitled
I hate how she’s so overrated and so hated
I hate how she doesn’t listen and is so defensive and hateful
Her nose is so long and covered in acne
She’s let herself go at just thirteen
Being around her is just depressing
I don’t want her in my life
But every time I try I’m too scared
But most of all I hate how she’s me

Everytime I’m feeling somber
I flashback to moments so pure and so sweet
To rainy days where tiny watery soldiers marched in a fleet
To clear cool nights with thousands of tiny white lights
To a snowy dusk where a stranger asked if I was all right
To radiant sunshine and cherry popsicles
To clean cut grass and a flowing breeze
As I look out upon the sea
And then when I open my eyes
It hurts more to my surprise
Because now I see what it could be
And what’s it’s not
But at least for a second I forgot

My pretty little bumble bees
Follow be around
Somewhere close by
they are always found
They never stray
Even when I die
My  body put to lay
My pretty little bumble bees
Will watch me decay
Not for the right reasons
part of me believes
Grief comes in seasons
But for them it won’t
They committed treason
Their loyalty set in the security I provide
Not in who I am deep inside
I treated them well
But even I know
I never really liked them
They were just for show
So go love a different flower
Sniff some different trees
I wish you all the best
My pretty little bumble bees

Moved here
Proved nothing
Doomed from the moment my feet touched land
I’m greedy
I’m selfish
Understand?

Sickly sweet
What a puzzle the phrase is
Two adjectives put together
Sweet can be gentle or just a slight hue
But most of the time you’ll find sickly to be quite crude
Sickly sweet is sugary candy
Sickly sweet is the juice of orange or the residue of a grape
Too sweet it is to be just sweet
so sickly it must become
And sickly sweet it became

Dark
Liquidity
Gloomy?

“Croak” the evening toad bellows
Perched on a rock just above the constant reaching fingers of the stream
Greedy hands of water lap against his stone but such assertive motions do not phase the mighty toad
He believes himself to be so large when he is in fact so small
He owns the world and the little creek
The little cold stone not much bigger then a pebble laying  just below his feet he owns that too and plenty more for you own many things when you for once just let confidence explore

It’s dark- but for now it’s light
I blame it on the lightning strike
It flashes so big and oh so bright
Then all at once it’s out of sight

Grief is never good
Glee always should be
But there I stood vulnerable to a choice that could be

Should you alway
feel on the verge of tears
Like one thing could emerge out of the blue
ruin your life
your spirit
your aptitudes
Should ones eye always be teary just on the verge of a sob
Should one live somewhere they’ve despised so long I wonder
I ponder and
try to Imagine a joyous joy away from all these somber distractions
I mourn as I watch my fragile future dwindle down a drain of uncertainty,
suffering and
restrains
I beg and
I beg that they let me free but they
Reassure
, reassure this is what's best for me