Abandoning my religion,
For the new God inside my head.
Her fanaticism knows no limits,
She’ll push me until I’m dead.

No atonement will ever be enough,
My soul marinades in eternal guilt.
Starving and without food,
Like a flower, my being begins to wilt.

“You’ll never be good enough,”
“You don’t deserve food,” she tells me.
So I sip on warm water,
To feel full when I’m empty.

I’m trapped and I’m lonely,
In a prison created by my own mind.
You can’t see her, but she can see you,
And someday, you’ll leave us far behind.

Making sure there is no escape,
Are the thoughts that want me dead.
My body can walk and talk for me,
But I’m stuck inside my head.

I am fearful and helpless,
I’m not control anymore.
So alone in my fight,
As I cry on the bathroom floor.

There’s a war raging in my head,
My thoughts are giving me a beating,
But you don’t seem to notice,
That I’ve stopped eating.

The compliments come pouring in,
And, for a moment, Ana smiles.
Then she goes back to berating me,
For not running ten miles.

I see the ghosts of my fallen formers animated before me,
I have yet to meet the stranger who reads me bedtime stories.

Haunting cosmic music lures me from my bed at night,
I feel pink static tickle my brain before I take flight.

I’m not equipped to handle the energy mania bestows upon my mind:
A hypernova blast ripping through my universe, leaving nothing left to find.

The bustling sounds- of what once was- draws me downstairs,
I hear the kettle boiling, the television blaring, the scraping of chairs.

The magical love I feel is compressed, in my chest, into a tiny singularity.
If this is what you call crazy, then I don’t want to come back to reality.

My head hits my pillow, and I fall back into the satin of blackness.
My mind has left this dimension, but my body is lying on a mattress.

It catches me like a net formed from a quilt,
And the debris falling from the temple God built.

It’s a good thing that I remembered to say goodbye,
Because I am clasped in the arms of something much greater than I.

There are no thoughts, no feelings, no dreams here:
You don’t even know you exist, you just disappear.

Home is just a dimension away,
If I live to see another day.

Scramble my brain like eggs and I won’t care,
Nothing really matter when I fall into your lair.

An empty cradle lies,
A broken heart cries.
Empty arms wait,
For what was the due date.
But it was not to be,
You left us too early.

And, because I cannot hold you,
The dreams I had, I hold on to.
Such a shame that you were never born,
A reality that I wake up to every morn.
I can’t help but think of the memories we lost,
A tragedy that creeps over my heart like bitter frost.

I’ve got that kind of anxiety that only a drug overdose can induce,
I’m fading faster and faster everyday, just a victim of my own abuse.

Reality is my foe, denial is my cold companion, “I don’t have a problem,” I like to pretend.
But, when I look in the mirror, and see my soulless eyes staring back, I know I’m in the deep end.

I want to hush my mind; I try to put my thoughts to sleep,
I fall back onto my pillow and drown in a blackness viscous and deep.

Just like sleeping beauty, I arise from the dark realm, but this is no fairytale.
I don’t wake up to Prince Charming, I wake up to skin that is cold and pale.

I’m finding it hard to cope, but I fight the urge to drink what’s in my cup.
I don’t want to be the sleeping beauty who never wakes up.