Dear first love,
You were our school's golden boy. More than a decade has passed and your smile still radiates the pacific sun. You have two kids and a lovely wife. Sometimes I'd like to think she's the petite version of me. Hell yeah, I'm just kidding my own mind. I'm not writing this to tell you're still the one I'll always want, because my feelings for you were like my teenage acne and baby fats-they were long gone. Nonetheless, I am  happy for you because you seem like you're happy with your young family life. I'm doing ok myself. I'm tying the knot this year with a good man. Someone who doesn't know how to be perfect but surely has me on top of his priorities. That's more than enough for me. Yeah, I'm going to brag he makes more money than you. Yeah, that's what this is all about. I feel lazy to think more.

You asked me what your scent is like.
You added a challenge by adding a twist to your question.
"What if you're going to describe it to a blind person?", you said.
I complained I'm tipsy and it's 3 in the morning-that question is too hard for me at this time.
Nonetheless, I drowned my face in your neck to breathe you.
"You smell like comfort, like clean fabric"
You weren't happy with my answer.
You wished I have said you have the scent of an *******.
Oh dear you don't, and I don't understand why you want to smell like one.
You wanted me to make a comparison between you and him.
I can't remember if I made one.
You thought it meant nothing.
You made me feel it meant nothing.
Honestly, I don't care anymore if it truly meant nothing to you.
The thought of it doesn't hurt.
You didn't know how much I adore the smell of clean fabric.
That scent takes me to my parents' house on a weekend-in my pink childhood room, resting on my bed with newly-changed sheets.
How I love that feeling-of calmness and safety.
It made me neglect I'm sad, lonely and afraid.
You were wrong about thinking it meant nothing to me.

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"