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The routines come.

But they come silently,
and they slither,
and they crawl,
and they sneak into our lives
one inch at a time,
hiding in those missing minutes and seconds,
hidden in hours and days lost to the hubris
of our own sense of youth and permanence.

And all the time we've wasted is held so high,
high up above our heads,
just out of our reach,
just a whisper of familiar texture on our fingertips,
as we dance upon our tippy toes,
as our arms slowly tire
of trying to reach what we once held so easily,
as we look back on the shadows
stretched out behind us
overtop of our ever-lengthening timelines,
and we realize that time is indeed passing
and that the golden memories are just that,
memories,
and these stolid routines that we never noticed
aren't making any new ones.

The routines will come,
but ****** be if I'm going to sit idly by
and let them willingly take me.
Kevin Seiler Oct 2016
Look at you, growing so fast.
I would not actually know though.
Because our time together only one day, did it last.

I know you're happy, with your mom, and your dad.
I hope that you get everything you wish for.
They were really great people so I'm sure it can't be bad.

One day, if you find me, I'll explain to you why.
Why you were given away, the day you were born.
Now, 5 years later, I sit on my tailgate and cry.
I think about all the days since, that have passed me by.
But I know it's for the better, for you and for I.
Happy Birthday Son, I'll always love you.
Kevin Seiler Oct 2016
Heart pounding
Hands shaking
Blood boiling
Eyes bloodshot
Adrenaline rush

The greatest high.
Was going to crash, in glorious fashion

Did I know then?
That I was headed for a dead end.
A piece from the future to myself in this moment
Kevin Seiler Oct 2016
The coffee is strong this morning
The sun   shines through the blinds, blinding
They're both telling me to get up and do something today
But I can't work, so I'm just staring at a sun-glared screen
Wishing I had someone to share the morning with
Maybe they wouldn't mind the bold coffee
Maybe they could stand in front of the blinds
BLOCK THAT ******* SUN
**Thanks
Kevin Seiler Oct 2016
One hundred and thirteen days since my last sip.
And it only took me one day to finally jump ship.
No matter how long I'm sober, nor how much I drink.
Will ever allow me the clarity to see the way that you think.
So here's to relapse, and the misery inbound.
Because girl I'll never stop you from runnin' around.
Kevin Seiler Sep 2016
Ninety-two days, since my last drink.
The first week I was stranded.
Lost in a desert, parched.

The coldest, freshest water was dust in my mouth.
I couldn't quench my thirst.
Nothing brought that refreshing sensation;
That overwhelming elation that my first beer had each day.

Whenever I took my first sip, I felt enlightened.
My soul beemed with joy.
Nothing else mattered after that first sip.
All the word was irrelevant compared to me and my drink.

And that was the problem.
It was all irrelevant.
Beer was my partner.
Scotch was my lover.
Brandy, my best friend.

And I, was an alcoholic.
I AM, an acoholic.
Ninety-two days into recovery.
Ninety-two days into the rest of my life.
Light and the sun it's from,
both burn my eyes in the morning.

As I wait for the day to pass,
I can't quite seem to grasp
the inevitable truths
of time slipping by.
Leaving me behind.
Leaving us all in dust.
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