All I want is for people to stop staring,
As if they can see beyond the beauty,
And feel my despair.
I'm not to be kept like a trophy,
High on a shelf,
Forgotten up on my pedestal,
Forgotten even by myself.
So don't dress me up and feed me lies,  
I'll swell like a Christmas sow.
Don't prep me for marriage or paint your fantasy,
Of taking me, way on horse drawn carriage.
I'm not for you to brag about,
I'm not a toy on the lot.
I speak and spell out my truth.
I know the goods are damaged,
But I'm worth the shot.

In the midst of life's lecture.
I began to daydream,
I looked out the window and gazed off into eternity.

I dropped my head,
I began to dream,
Life whispered, "be quiet" in my sleep.

I shut my mouth, and tried to wake,
Life kissed me,
And said "You need a break."

So I ran, real far,
Into a fork, the sign read,
"Life or death, the decisions yours"
I ran to "death", to end this nightmarish, dream,
Life grabbed me and said," Life is free, with death comes a cost, if you leave before your time, your life is forever lost.

When I came to,
Life bore no more words,
So I laid down my woes,
And left you unheard.
I was never really listening,
So I never really learned.
I'm still young,
Life, it's still "My turn"
C. Tyler

I can pretend,
Like I'm ok,
I can hold back my tears,
Just to get through the day.

I can put on a facade,
Like I'm alright,
Just to lose another battle,
As I succumb to the night.

I can imagine,
I'm doing just fine,
Nothing ever changed,
Like a key to a lock,
You were always mine,
You would always stay.

I'm not gonna pretend,
I'm not ok,
I'll shed the facade,
I'm not alright,
It's not my imagination,
I'm not just fine.

I want to cry all night,
I want to cry all day,
Lost in the safety of memories,
Locked into this pain.

There is no way to hide the shame,
Of a fatherless Dame.

You lie in your hospital bed,
Dying, withering, wasting away.

A decade has passed, you call for me,
But still,
NOTHING,
Is what I say.

I'm pretending to be ok,
Locked away,
Safely,
Isolated insanity.
C. Tyler

Lipstick stained cheeks,
"Tag, you're it",
Chasing you around our apartment,
You got into some ****-!
"Come here, let's play"
We can go out or stay in,
But it's hot these days.
You don't talk, you can't say,
What you want
How you wanna play.
But no matter how hard,
No matter how tough,
I love you Tyler
Very, very much.
C. Tyler

As the tears are drying
And the heart stops hurting
And the love starts fading





*She also stops writing

All my friends and family are social,
They have friends and know people.

Then there's me, happily isolated,
Just writing and reading,
Lost in some trance of some fairytale land,

Also me....
And my stuffed animals,
The real world I've long abandoned,
Heard but no one's understanding.
C. Tyler

Oh I've never loved another,
The way I love this little fella,
He drives me up a wall,
And makes me smile
Like a sun bright and yellow.
Do you ponder,
My secret lover,
Well its not too serious,
It's just I just need this brother,
Head's hard as a rock,
Heart light as a feather,
And with him,
I feel his love forever,
My son Tyler Jones,
Shines bright in any weather.
C. Tyler