Hello stress
Goodbye rest
Hello late nights
Hello appetite
Goodbye judgement
Hello lament

Workouts are fleeting
Enter bad eating
My addictions just shift now
From TV to...what now?

It's drugs in the morning
It's food at lunch
A smoke ring I'm forming
Now back to the crunch

Next'll be uppers then downers then more bull
And soon I'll need hard **** to feel half normal

At the end of this hectic whole putrescent week
It's a buzz and some rest and some love that I seek

The first of September, first chill in the air
Sorrow hangs heavy, but do not despair

All will work out as it’s meant to
There’ll be a place we will get to
Best friend don’t you forget to
Come and lean on me

~

Remember sunflowers and islands and moons
Remember the way that you made this boy swoon

We can still get past the rough parts
You’re gone, but we still have two connected hearts
You’re one of infinity’s great works of art
We’ll soon learn just how to be

~

I hope we will get to a place where we can
Laugh about love while I’m holding your hand

‘Cause dear, when you hold me, I feel love
It’s not even something I’m proud of
But no, that’s not something… I’m rid of
Diane please kiss me goodbye

~

It can mean nothing to you, dear,
But please let me shed some small quiet tears

A little weep on your shoulder, Di
You can just give me the stink eye
I don’t even care if you don’t cry
But hold me close one more time

~

You were my best friend for twenty six years
We’ve had adventures and our share of tears

But also such laughter, it felt swell
Bubbling up from the deep well
When it subsided, I can’t tell
But I hope it’s not gone for good

~

One of these days in this nightmare of mine
I’ll wake with a start and see everything’s fine

Oh, everything’s just as it should be
My love for you, and your love for me
And this never happened, oh wouldn’t it be
Sweet, if that’s just how it went?

~

But love off-you-go now, you’ve been set free
And you won’t hear no more “pathetics” from me

Take your leave now from me, lady fair
I’ll picture you with your crazy hair
Flying like sparks through the chilly night air
I still care for you, like I say

~

I pray that whoever you’re meant for Diane
Will be everything you’d ever want in a man

Hope he fulfills you like you need
Hope he is gentle…and charming indeed
Be happy you have finally been freed!
And you can do just what you want

~

       I’ll always love you …a little bit
       Because friend I cannot get rid of it
       We’re intertwined and it’s hard to break free
       Even now that you’re all done with me

I’m biting the bullet, with tears in my eyes

Forcing my footsteps toward paths I despise

I will do it all you know

But I don’t want to go

It’s all for you



I’m painting a smile-on, wearing a grin,

But the mirth of this mask I don,
it's wearing thin

My pain, it's growing, dear

But I will persevere

For you



For some ungodly reason I feel lonely, empty, sad

Though you profess your love, and it’s the best I’ve ever had

I miss the holy love

From up above...or so they say...

Is it really greedy to have my little crutch?

Because you know, I love you all so much,

And I’ll give it up for you
...If you really want me to...

Today

The woman I love is a magnificent creature
Caring and bearing so much, ...so much
When we met I thought there is so much to teach her
But quickly was I her student and such

Magnificent lessons learned I from this being
Touching and sharing I really can't say
What makes a bright angel, bejeweled in splendor,
Take a bent, broken creature, bedeviled, ...to stay

Oh the screamers are screaming
And clawing and mooning
They soon will be dreaming
They're crammed in and spooning
If it weren't for my many interventions tonight
Surely, they would have, committed a crime
One, or more, would be out of the fight
Down to the mat for the very last time
But now, I'm here...as chaperone;
As mediator; as bodyguard,
They unite against me here alone
In this bedroom prison yard

Oh, a scoundrel met a pretty maid
And he fell so hard it hurt
And he set about to being near
Her countenance...and skirt...(wink!)

Well, it turned out that this pretty maid
Was betrothed a while back
And so the scoundrel tarried there
And made to plan-out his attack

The scoundrel was overjoyed to find
The rascal was gone at sea
And the lovely maid he so desired
Was a tad inclined to flee

And one happy day he kissed her
And the world melted away
On an island not far south of here
And they both knew from that day

For a while they loved in secret
‘Till she shirked her foul plan
Of playing the role of officer’s wife
To (let’s face it) the wrong man

And the scoundrel tried to straighten up
And he set himself to workin hard
He’d ask the maid to marry him
‘Fore the sun was over yardarm

The maid was a pirate captain’s daughter
So one sunny day, with trembling heart
He walked along beside the Pirate
Attempting to sound smart

And he told the Pirate his intentions
Conveyed politely what he had planned
And with carefully chosen respectful words
Asked for his daughter’s hand

And the Captain said it was fine with him
If his daughter would consent as well
And if the scoundrel would treat her right
Remaining atop the swell

Well, the Pirate was a handy man
With blunderbuss and musketoon
And jabbing with his cutlass
By the light of the silver moon

He captained well his ship
Through breakers plenty tall
And not till he was seventy two
Did our dear pirate captain fall

On that day the ocean rumbled
And a gale was on the water
And the ship on which we sailed
Tossed and tore the pirate’s daughter

We trembled there in silence
For each crew mate held their breath
While the hungry sea kept roaring
And the breakers talked with death

And monstrous creatures from depths below
Around our ship did gather
Knocking hard at the timbers
Working the sea into a lather

The Kraken on the starboard side
Leviathan to port
And the sails were torn and tattered
And the yardarm was cut short

The main mast it had splintered off
And the ship was tipped and tossed
Disastrous destruction from the deep
Meant the ship was nearly lost

And again and again the waves they crashed
O’er the scoundrel and his wife
And he and the Pirate’s daughter
They held on for dear life

And amidst the many perils
And the never ending storms
The scoundrel and the pirates daughter
Learned to raise their arms

The held their arms high in the air
As down each swell they raced
As each fresh peril they endured
And each disaster, bravely faced

Praying they’d have it figured out
How to navigate these icy squalls
Without the pain and angst
Pinning them against the walls

They’ll say, “Here comes another”
But smile with strength and cheer
And though the night will rattle them
The morn’ll be smooth and clear

And when they cling to each other
And to God who sees it all
They’ll be anchored safe in harbor
Protected from the squall

Though the tempests are never-ending
And they can’t quite see the way
When they cling on tight throughout the night
And hold each other through the fright
And pray to emerge into the light
They’ll embrace the bright warm day

At lunch with Mr. morality-now...
*
Enter Tommy
The bureaucrat
With much aplomb
He'll chew the fat

He will tell you
What it takes
To make the partner-
ships he makes

And how to play
The politics game
And deal with those
Who smear your name

You need to know
Exactly what
Motivates
That pain-in-your-****

Find out what
They care about
And use some leverage
To beat the lout

Apply some pressure
And you'll find
They'll change their ways
Or lose their mind

Oh, while you're
At it, pray for all
To hear the savior's
Beckon call

That's what Jesus
Of course would do
It's worked for me
It'll work for you

These apparently
Discordant tips
Call into question
All your quips

I don't know what it is I should do
And I don't know what I should say
I'm not equipped to deal with this ****
Your life (all lives) slipping away

I wish there existed a way
To just ...pull you right back down
For another year, and another day
Wish that we could keep you around
I'm not ready, not at all
I can't deal with the wages of the fall
I thought you were going to rally and
Stay and hold your firstborn's hand ...

Look,

I was glad to be your son

(Just don't ever tell anyone)

I dreamed I saw your grandmother’s ghost

She was smiling at me, and looked vital

When the dream took a turn,

I woke up with a start,

And longed to see

Yours

~

But you did not appear,

I only tossed and turned,

Struggling to quiet myself,

And get into the right state;


                      The correct position


    And the proper breathing



                   For seeing ghosts

~

I miss you.

+

I pray you are romping
In Elysian Fields

Further up and further in
I will see you anon

Helpless.
I can't even

Break
The habit

Of eating too much.
Even the dog notices.

Seems this pan of brownies isn't working...

half gone...
...still sad.

Off to sleep I drift
To the land of nudes and spaceships
Same place that I've found myself in countless times before

Same but somehow different
    Funny how in dreams
    The setting always seems
    To be distortions of real places
    Here are my people, but with different faces
Warped and bent, strange incident

Jesus was a Liberal,
He partied with the rabble,
He’d a brazen disregard for the law,
 
So said the Pharisees...
They thought him full of heresies;
He was stuck firmly in their craw…
 
They thought him radical and tragic
But didn't know the DEEPER magic,
"Let's trap this friggin' upstart", said they
 
His father, a staunch conservative,
Set down some rules, preservative
Of people that he chose back in the day.
 
*Then there’s the Holy Spirit, or "Hoppy" as he likes to be called,
 
He’s harder to pin-down politically… and he has no time for tarrying,
 
On social issues, he's had no comment, or none has yet been scrawled,
 
But rumor has it he's backing the Libertarian

The restless soul
                             heaves a low heavy moan

Of loneliness
                                     when we’re not alone

We all have inner
                                              sadness at times

Enjoy this brief visit
                                   before the clock chimes

She squints, her eyes open
She musters the strength
She crawls to the kitchen
But not the full length
In minutes she’s dancing
So fluid, so free
And she’s such a comfort
And so dear to me

She’s the life of the party
Ask anyone here.
They’ve lined up tequila
And whiskey and beer.
Thankful but unfazed
By what they’ve been pourin’ her
As she’s warmly approaching
The chick in the corner

And she saves souls for real
Not like those ****** preachers
And she’s one who can teach
All the doctors and teachers
They hang on her words
And are better for knowing
This spark of existence
This cup overflowing

And I stand in wonder
At all she has touched
All she has given
She’ll say it’s not much
But waves propagate
With her as their source
She speaks, and the cosmos
Is changing its course

Some days she’s saddened
By her empathic knowing
Some days are like years;
Some fly and need slowing.
This past year’s been cutting
The claws of it rip
But she opens her eyes wide
Embracing the trip

And she senses things easily
Intuition - hot
She knows who she is
And she knows who she’s not
And her honor is worthy
Of Arthurian Lore
Her oaths aren’t made lightly
She’s is steadfast and sure

She’s seared into his folds
As his synapses tire
And he needs to subdue
And he’s dousing that fire
But she’s stuck in his head
Like a hook in a fish
And affecting his thoughts
And becoming his wish

He wouldn’t dare dream
Of breaking connection
With someone so dear;
So with each correction,
He’s learning to dance
The dance she intends
To never destroy
This deep bond as friends

I await your return and long for your embrace so
Have you received the messages I’ve sent you?
I was conversing with you only moments ago,
But still I cannot reach you.
     Are tests what you teach to?

Come to us, please, come on down,
See the pain and anguish in so many faces
Remember the last time you visited this town?
On the ceilings there are still  some scorched & faded traces
     Of the fire, once extant in these windblown faces

The fog is all-pervasive
From here, it shades every vista

I thought it was was perhaps a smudge on my lenses
Or, considering the betrayal from my other faculties,
the beginning of the dimming that comes with age,

But my glasses were clean, and my eyes, but for the floaters, were clear

The edges fade as the settling fog
             reduces my view to impressionism

The streetlights pass at irregular intervals and I hold to my position at the end of the undulating line of red tail lights

When the flow finally becomes laminar, I am relieved,

Feeling like I'm making the jump to light speed as the beacons fly past,
Finally finding their proper rhythm

My sweet lady, I’m off kilter,
Wooed by all your lovely charms,
Here’s some maca for your philter,
Need to have you in my arms

Want your loving legs around me,
Want your loving arms as well,
Have to say your curves astound me,
Got to make your “sailor” swell,

Want to voyage through your straits,
Lovely portal made of jade,
Let my tongue throw wide the gates,
And let the choicest love be made

Let me sing you lovely music,
Let me try to make you swoon,
Here’s my flesh (O please abuse it!),
While my eyes reflect the moon

Lover laughing lovely there,
Behind your smiling eyes so deep,
In my mental pictures fair,
Close my eyes to try to keep,

Each new moment we’re entwined,
For each one seems to top the last,
Hold me close and expand my mind,
Draw me near, and hold me fast

Pharmacea
Come and renew us
Pour out the new us
Lessen our pain
Soap in our beer
Doesn't faze us
Purple haze us
Over and again
Take away our silly lack
Sure it seems to bring some knack
How it seems so, but in reality
Real malady
Only takes hold
Over the bold
Markings that my essence
Scribbled in your presence

I fell for a time,    ...and damaged my mind

Forgetting, for a spell
                               What makes us feel well

Having forgotten,
                           It makes me feel rotten

When body runs down,
                            Then I don a frown.

Remembered  today
                     What makes it go ‘way:

You’ve just got to move;
                       To get in the groove.

For body and mind
                  Aren’t separate, I find.


If one or the other’s neglected, my brothers,

Then suffers each one
                          For since they begun

Inextricably chained,
                   These two remained

If psyche is blue,
          Then body is too,

And if you repair,
           The body, mon frere,

It turns out that you
     Can fix the mind too!

These giant bones-
Where are they from?
How came they here to my English home?

To Uncle Chuck’s
Curiosity chest - the strangest treasures
In all the West

Grandmothers’ faiths
Don’t correspond.   A fresh new narration
Is sent from beyond

And small variations
Throughout the years, demand supplications;
Precipitate fears

Perhaps he’ll unlock it,
His eyes how they shine...when showing the locket,
The poisonous spine,

The shrunken head,
And the mummy’s finger, fill us with dread
The memories linger

The showman will bow,
As he locks them away, but seared in our brains,
These images stay

I went down to “Eros”, sore,
And found that the Devil lived.

Every hour will emit time,
With the wolf flow and the ****-gals,

All decaf faced and sad,
Smug gums grinned and snarled,

Re-reviled deliverer,
You always stressed desserts,

Tiddlywinks and rabbits
Hares and hinkey habits
Everybody
     Elicits élan
          When ev'rything's comin' 'round

Invisible personal savior
Pondering human behavior...
Maybe increase
     Willpower in these
          Organic inventions
               You've made from the ground?

It hurts worse every day
I hope this will subside
The lover that you threw away
Has a hollow ache inside

The love to which I was clinging
Was only a pantomime
Your cruel indifference is still stinging
But I’ll be stronger, in good time

This loneliness is like suffocating
And my eyes can’t adjust to the light
Here in the darkness I’m navigating
Depths of despair o’er your flight

And now you’re out and I, soon,
Will have to see your pretty face
But there will be no need for swoon
And there will be no chase

I know you’re gone so go…
I guess this is where we part…
But darling dear, I hope you know
I loved you with all of my heart

The world is in chaos
Rationality is dead

My role-models are ******
And I'm stuck in my head


The dread! The dread!
It ***** at my legs

It's muck and mire
Here in the dregs
~
From a farther
            vantage point~
It is  ...comical


So
      annoint
                  Your heads,
Adorn your beds
Eat your breads (full of gluten)

Stick your boot in
To the mud
And laugh aloud
Stand
Be proud

Of all your minuscule kingdoms

You come back today
I’m afraid to see your face
Since you’ve gone away
An image in your place

Has occupied my mind
An image of you, lost
In darkness, and I find
I didn’t count the cost

Of filing (was it blunder?)
The documents that rip
Our strong union asunder
Was it wrong, I wonder?

Will you come to your senses?
Will the spell be lifted?
Will you then break my defenses;
And have reparations gifted?

But then I picture you
In HIS arms, on repeat…
And once again I stew;
Can’t sleep, and I can’t eat

But wounds that I now nurse
Will one day make me strong
It cannot get much worse
So add verses to our song

The song of you and me
Afloat but sinking fast
Adrift in these rough seas
Without an anchor cast

The only way we’ll save
The friendship underneath
Is taking what you gave
And sinking-in my teeth

Because there was some good
I took from our meandering
But I’ll not hold my breath
That you have stopped your wandering

So, civil I will be
I promise to be kind
Your infidelity
Will slowly leave my mind

And one day we will laugh,
About our childish ways;
About this current gaff,
Or at our chosen phrase

Describing these hard times
As we visit our brood
And laughing at your crimes
Love’ll be understood

As you walk away, please remember how much I loved you
And that so many days I tried to make things right
No, I wasn’t perfect, I know, that’s not what I’m saying
But I did the best I could do, before you took flight

Seems the spell you were under just never dissipated
I never snapped you out of it like I thought I might…
You grabbed the yoke, bent on crashing and burning, but I held on
Thinking after this valley of darkness, we’d reach some light

As you walk away
Out into the night
Oh darling, I’m aghast
Oh dear, it’s not right

And as you round the bend
I hope you get it right
I hope you can unwind yourself
Your knots are awful tight

Now every day’s been spent just raging and weeping
At the thought of what perhaps could have been…
And the images my mind creates of the acts are just teeming
I feel stupid and blind for the things that I should have seen

On my knees in the darkness, I pray to the sky for renewal
Looking hard for what the hell it was that I lacked
Running over scenarios of a repair to this wreckage
Hazy future images where we’ve made it back

But I now realize that this fantasy is just illusion
And I know your current strategy lies with him
But when this honeymoon period that you’re now into has ended
And he’s pulls you down to the deep I just hope you swim

I’d rather you get well and get happy, dear, believe it…
Than stayin’ tied in knots from which you can’t get free
Whatever was lacking …I hope that your new love fulfills it
Dearest friend, you’ll always have a part of me

As you walk away
Out into the sunset
Oh dear, I am speechless
Oh darling, it’s not right

And as you round the bend
I hope you got it right
I hope you can unwind some day
Those knots are awful tight

Warbling whistling crooning chirping chanted serenade

Harmonizing humming hymns

Yodeling in the shade

Gasping groaning grieving murmuring moaning crying pant

Undulating swelling swirling

See the sickening slant

Now he departs
For the adventure after a lifetime

When he gets home he will see all
The holy men he read about

What a sight to see.

He leaves this winter for good
And enters into eternal Spring

He is smiling
And there will be no more tears from him

While we have them for lack of him...

Where he exists, he will be overwhelmed.

And I believe
Or hope

No, believe

That we will ALL be with him someday
In the eternal

I need to write a brand new poem
Of hope and strength,
Of pride

I’m fettered, chained, shackled, bound,
The old trope, at length,
Descried

    But

The scaly skin is thus removed
By claws that gently peel
The rind

“It all comes”, the student said,
“Of slumbering in caves,
I find”

My dearest one
Put down that gun
You’ll have what you are after
The dopamine
And you’ll be seen
Relaxed and full of laughter

My truest love
Sent from above
Please resist the potion
Steel your nerves
And all the curves
Will freeze; there’ll be no motion

My sugar plum
You’ll be made numb
If you ingest the snake oil
Grit your teeth
And far beneath
Your feet will shift the loose  soil

In your cage
I can’t assuage
Your sadness and your longing
My truest prayer
Will pierce your lair
A new era is dawning

Avoiding magic,
Elf, and bowl...
Nothing’s tragic
If made whole

Avoidance carries
Heavy loads
Miracle tarries,
Mind implodes

But winged creatures
Want dire things
Say earnest preachers
Who pull off wings

Perhaps the church
Should be avoided
Left in a lurch
As Christ destroyed it

When he read
From the scroll
Turns of head
All eyes did roll

The spirit upon me
I’ve been anointed
To set captives free
I’ve been appointed

And as he put the scroll away
He uttered aloud, almost in song:
“These words are fulfilled in me today”,
Infuriating the offended throng

Leaving chins
Upon the floor
Churchy grins
Appear no more

They move as one
To chase him off;
To Him, what fun,
The shout and scoff

He looked not proud
On the brow of the hill
Passed through crowd
All felt a chill

For this, perhaps
Is how He loved
The cards collapsed
And all were moved

It's more akin to touch than to sight ...or sound

A focused vibration
                           felt within my bones

My eyes can't spot it
My ears don't detect even the smallest whisper when it begins

And at its crescendo, I'm buzzing and sharp


And aloud, I say, "Yes LORD?  Your servant is here!"

And then it subsides
And it's no longer clear


Did I feel that?
Was it real?

I doubt it;

I feel...

That even if angels came down to my street
And lifted me up - right off of my feet

And for minutes, held me airborne
Two yards off the ground!
I'm certain, the moment that I was brought down...

I would doubt my own senses
That's why I can't be
The chosen, the faithful,
Who's allowed to see

Prone to scoff at the stories
Of loved ones who'd swear
There is something much bigger than ourselves out there

Prone to wander and wallow
Prone to spit, not to swallow
The stories of old
As I stray from the fold