My play dough heart don’t know no more than cherry mash and two by fours
And overalls and pecan pies
And dirt on feet on summer nights
Brushing my hair
Brushing your hair
Singing in your brush without a care
Fish tails
Fried
Laying on the cellar while the babies cry inside
And I don’t need your money
I’ve got too much pride

You’re afraid of losing me
But I’m afraid of losing you
And everything you symbolize
And the way I am with you
I feel so big when you make me feel small
I think I love you sometimes maybe not even at all
But I feel something inside
Especially when you yell
And I love the way you treat me like an object
An important object

Evening
I see you've already gone to bed and that's alright
You leave me
Wanting more but I know that we'd just fight
And I think
You'd like to watch the acid eat my skin

I am
Too old
To be
Falling
In love
With a
“P-I-M-P”

Doorknob turning
Slowly
And
Click

Fine trees of cotton white
On roads made of oil
No dreams grow here
No papers there
Swimming isn't real
I heard you say a name
In your sleep
Up here, trees don't grow
Eyes on mine
Houses shiver when it's cold
I know

My key doesn't work
Quite right
In the door it twists
Sometimes
Handle up
Handle down
Hit the top
And click
Still nothing
The cabinets in this room
Belong to you
If you want them to
Come in in-between times
You can
If you want to
But if the door is locked
I can't help you
It sticks
It slides
It's scrapes
I've had to ask several times for help
But they don't know how to
After I've tried so many times
They sometimes will try too
And hit the top
And turn the handle up
Then down
Twist the key
And click
And how easy they make it seem

Like time
This feeling is always on my mind
Tried to speak to the icy window
I just cried
Oranges cooking on the stove with cinnamon sticks
Warms my heart inside
But at night or when I see him
I fold-I just die
Please walk my heart home tonight
I don’t think I can find my way back to life
I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong or right
I just need to be walked home tonight
Helpless
Always helpless
When all I needed was help
Or someone selfless
To take an interest me
Or give an ear to me
Don’t need to be watched while I sleep
Some demons moved on or forgot my phone number
So demons can’t call because I don’t want their phone number
You give shots away
Every day
Hoping the bullets never end up strays
Like a dog on the street or a cat in heat
I just keep trying not to lose my mind or any sleep

It starts with a drip down my leg
My ******* wrapped around your hand
Your bruise on my neck
The sound of my heart beating in my head
Your eyes lit up
My legs spread
Your tongue licking and *******
Me shaking and pushing
Yes means no
And no means yes
It ends with a drip down your leg

My neighbor and I take showers at the same time
I know because his shower wall is next to mine
He hears my shower water flow through the pipes and I hear his at the same time
My neighbor and I only see each other sometimes
I don't think he works
I work all the time
I don't think he does much except shower and get high
And I know he gets high because one time I heard him while I was getting high at the same time

I don’t know why
I’m mad at you
Or why some words
******* unglued
Or why I love when you touch me
But hate talking to you
I want to scream your name
But keep mine
I want to tell you I’m sorry
And that I’m not fine

I wish I wasn’t wet
Or on my knees
I wish I didn’t like you standing over me
I wish your **** didn’t taste so sweet
And I wish I had a dash of morality
I wish someone could tell me why
The best gift I ever got was a black eye
Why a hug isn’t as good as a slap on the thigh
and why
My god given talent is staying in line
I wish I knew how to say no
But if I did I wouldn’t know where to go
Except not with you
Or him
I’d be alone
And your name looks like a ****** thrown out on the side of a country road

I can’t help but *****
When I think of you
Can’t help but swallow when I’m meant to chew
Too much new touch
Penetrate beneath my skin
My soul shakes and spins
Spins and shakes
Wake and bake
With shame so full I don’t fit the shoe

I was good
I was honestly
Probably
The best
And you know that
Deep deep
In your soul
You know that

Fan buzz
Dryer tumble
High tide
Low tide
Crash along the shore
I don't love you anymore

You
**** up
And I
Forgive
And I
Don't know why
You always
Ruin my day
And still I give you my soul
Low self-esteem
I suppose

In the ending of
all that starts with love
all that lies ahead
all that feels nothing
I still think of you
and all the things you'd do
my bruises melted off
and now I'm feeling lost
I can only try
to leave until you pine
for something you can't taste
and if the apartment window stays like it is
and the pantomime outside continues to spin
I can't stay and settle in
I can't waste myself on content

I love your hair
You’re a beautiful girl
Though you wish you weren’t
Your face is more than I can put into words
Your body is lovely and you know it’s true
It makes it more so because no man can touch you
But I won’t touch you either
And I’m sorry for that
You’re a beautiful girl but you can do better than that

I can still see you sitting outside
Next to me
Talking
I wish I could

The first time I saw you I wasn't impressed
But I'm so much like you I couldnt help it
I crawled into you and wore you around
I made you my pet
I made you my home
I tell you so much
More than I'm allowed
How much I miss you and want you around
And I know it's not right
Though you tell me it is
And I know that my heaven would be your kiss
I know that you'd hit me and throw me around and I know you'd love to hear me fall to the ground
And I'd give it to you
If only I could
But they say you're just a traumatized boy from the hood

Sitting on the edge of the bed
Time moving forward and back
I wish I had an off switch
Watching the door move by itself
Watching the mirror look around for help
All I know is the clock on the wall moves too slow
Am I still sitting
No
Choking on my saliva
Laying on a pile of coats
And my best friends are the objects in the room
The only ones going through this too
The only ones who really understand how hard I'm trying to get my brain back in my head

Read from my book
I say what I like
I dress like the 80s
I'm 35
I think I'm better
than anyone who breathes
Im just a man
who can't stand to see

All I want to do is be with you
And my mind dances with what ifs
And my mind dance with lies and truths
And my mind dances
All I want to do is stop thinking of you
But my soul aches for you
And my soul yearns and burns and twists and breaks
For you
I feel like we are 1 in 2
I feel like I was meant for you
And I feel too much
And I touch too much
And I want too much
But all I want is you

I can feel the cold
Coming off of my skin
You
******* whatever you can dream
Indoor fantasies
So much freedom being free
Ice melting in my mouth
Ice melting in your mouth
Fields of green
Fields of you
A trumpet sounds
Tearing my pregnant heart in two

A golden cage set out for me
But only me
I go willingly
I wait for the back of your hand
Longingly
I wait to be grabbed and pushed and pulled
by you
For you
I go home after being with you
And I'm soaked from mere conversation
I know it's wrong
I know it's a step backwards
But I can't help from touching

Your name
Shoots my heart into two
Your name
Makes me come unglued
Your name throws me against the wall
Your name rubs my **** ever so soft
Your name makes me beg for pain
I love you I love you I love you
Please be with me again

Shaking
From the curl of my toes
Since I was 6 years old
This is just culture
This is just a
Rite of passage if you will
Watch me dance
And twirl
I'm your girl
I'm the best girl
Daddy's girl for all but daddy kind of girl
Wash me in the sink
Pound my head against the drain
Until I bleed
Can you see me anymore

Hum of the fan
Beeping intermittent
Your hand in my hand
All is forgiven

I hate this swirl of wash
this mash and slosh
this snow of cold
this crisp and bold
this hair that twirls
and gray with boots
and bright red
and always attention
and smiles with razors mixed in
I hate this
I hate the way I forget to remember
I wont be getting any thinner
that 99.9 isn't 100%
to your dismay it isn't twins
I didn't want your man old dear
but I enjoyed your anxiety when you knew I was near

Eyes wide
Looking up at you
On my knees
I do what I'm supposed to

Drink the taste from my lips
Below you kiss what I show
To only you
As far as you know
And though I cannot hear your voice
Any
More
I still can feel your soul

Dark nights
Embers
And
Merit ultra lights
Your try
Is lower than my
Eyes
Hello
I'm crying
On the phone
Can I carve my heart out of your sandbox yet?

Why tangerine?
Because it's the glow of your smile
It engulfs you
It warms you
It creates a flow around you that only I can taste
My baby
So sweet
And a tongue for you and a tongue for me
Licking sweet treats til each other bleeds
I miss you so

In the middle of the table
Fried chicken
Waiting for the yelling to stop
Should I eat yet?
Dim lit room
Nicotine paint
Fried chicken

I like to swim
In
Doors
Of coffee filled rooms
I dream of you
And God you
Feel
Like
Brand new shoes

You can have
Your cake
And you can eat it
too
And I will
Move on
Away
From what was me and you
And on summer nights
When I am wanting you
I'll **** somebody else

Broken
Door
Handle
My heart on a string
Dangling dangling
Crashing with each swing
And me on your chain
And me on your chain
Window
Won't
Open
Rocking rocking
Back and forth a beat
And me at your feet
And me at your feet

Talking to my self again
I know you're not that knew to me
I can see through all 4 doors
Not looking right threw my windows
I have seen you cry alot tonight
I've never felt so bored
But now I hear the train
And I can't sleep
Toss and turn
My brains too weak
Walking home
I hit the floor
I can't feel my bones anymore

As I age
I do not see
excitement in front of me
I see a place
where I play a role
and try to make the most
for the ones I owe the role
I do not see
anything more I will try to be
Falling into complacency
happened slowly but here I am

Water
Fountain
Rose
Garden
Jesus
Crosses
On the lawn
I can see you
In your swing
Back and forth
To and from

Tell me something new
But everything stays the same
And I still worship you
I wish that we could play this game
If they only knew
The way you make my head spin now
They would come unglued
All I do is think of how
Good I look on you
Fade away and come back in
To red and black on blue
you're the best I've ever seen
At making me feel new
Like something from a story book
Hit on me, won't you
So I can feel your love
Like you want me to
I always listen to you baby
That's how I got you
I never want to change a thing
Except to not want you
But everything stays the same

You need a short girl who makes you feel like a man
And not normal short
But like really short because you’re short yourself

Mix and Match
Toss and Throw
I should've skipped the interview
and talked with you
and listened too
until my times was done and through

Through the mountain
In a field
Stands a house
The sun has peeled
Cool inside
Bluish gray
Cucumber, vinegar, and onion day
Stuffed bell peppers
Never stuffed
Waiting on a check
Never any luck
Pawned all the inheritance away
It was only money anyway

Tell everybody how you see owls when you go to sleep
Tell him how the moon blinks and talks to you at night