I can’t help but *****
When I think of you
Can’t help but swallow when I’m meant to chew
Too much new touch
Penetrate beneath my skin
My soul shakes and spins
Spins and shakes
Wake and bake
With shame so full I don’t fit the shoe

I don’t know why
I’m mad at you
Or why some words
******* unglued
Or why I love when you touch me
But hate talking to you
I want to scream your name
But keep mine
I want to tell you I’m sorry
And that I’m not fine

I love your hair
You’re a beautiful girl
Though you wish you weren’t
Your face is more than I can put into words
Your body is lovely and you know it’s true
It makes it more so because no man can touch you
But I won’t touch you either
And I’m sorry for that
You’re a beautiful girl but you can do better than that

I see my hand in the sand
Reaching for a bottle to break over your head
Have you ever met a soul so detached and ungrateful
You say I entangle my words tight enough to choke you
If that's true, please choke and swallow
I have bruises all over my soul and they tick and they tock and they manifest when you talk
Ans I'm so tired of saying sorry

Doorknob turning
Slowly
And
Click

Bouncing on a lava lake
Stretchy rubber never breaks
Burning burning twisting pain
Acid slimey mucous lake

I hate to say it
To your face
You make me
Want to ****
The chase
I had to call you
Just to hear you say
Nothing
And when you didnt answer
I knew you were
At least
Awake

Sitting on the edge of the bed
Time moving forward and back
I wish I had an off switch
Watching the door move by itself
Watching the mirror look around for help
All I know is the clock on the wall moves too slow
Am I still sitting
No
Choking on my saliva
Laying on a pile of coats
And my best friends are the objects in the room
The only ones going through this too
The only ones who really understand how hard I'm trying to get my brain back in my head

Was this always
Where you kept me
In a bottle
On a shelf
With your anger
And your boredom
Just part of your mental health
Is this always
How you’ll leave me
Stranded
Gasping for breath
If this is too far out of your depth
Swim back to shore now
That’s your best bet
If you feel like you might die
Go ahead
Hold your breath
Go with the tide

Your name
Shoots my heart into two
Your name
Makes me come unglued
Your name throws me against the wall
Your name rubs my **** ever so soft
Your name makes me beg for pain
I love you I love you I love you
Please be with me again

Fan buzz
Dryer tumble
High tide
Low tide
Crash along the shore
I don't love you anymore

In love again
I don’t even know if you’re being honest
In love again
And you seem a little withdrawn
And then you seem a little too enthralled
I can’t anyway
I have to remind myself
But the attention feels nice after life on a shelf
In love again
Or lust
Can’t trust
My emotions
In love again I think because my heart skips beats
when you’re next to me
and my name sounds like a kiss from your lips
Even though your hands seem sort of odd
Every though you’re hair doesn’t fall where it ought
A stretch
A stretch
A stretch
I hope Im not in love again
Especially with you

Once again
My mouth runneth over
Thanks be to god that I can talk my way into forgiveness

It’s not that I don’t want you
It’s just that I can’t have you
You can’t do more than fight
You just can’t face the hard truth
And I wasn’t right
I can’t make an excuse
I think that you’re alright
But I just can’t trust you
Me and you wasn’t right
I won’t try to argue
I know when I **** up
I knew I couldn’t have you
But don’t think that it’s right
How I made your heart bruise
I know that we were tight
But I just wasn’t right though

I can still see you sitting outside
Next to me
Talking
I wish I could

You call me white trash
Maybe I am
Maybe that’s the word
I was trying to find
When I was wearing clothes from the church’s clothes closet
When I was being touched
When I was riding in the floor board of a mini van down I-35
When I
was changing and feeding my elders
When I was curling my toes so my shoes wouldn’t hurt
When I was eating fish tails
When I was tiptoeing around rats
When I was ******* in
When I was trying not to show my teeth
and when I was ******* you on backroads in the country
The stars look prettier from the top of a cellar
And crying alone doesn’t hurt so bad in the back of a old beaten down boat
In the back of my grandpa’s truck I could hide from my anger
And I can still hear me screaming if I listen
Food stamps made summers happy
Cantaloupe in the yard for deer
They sure do love the rinds
A side of me you didn’t really see
Just something I let you feel sometimes
Something I only let those I trust feel
But now I’m white trash
And you’re still a trust fund baby
I know I climbed up and jumped
But every step higher felt like I was being kicked
down
And my mother thinks I’m wrong
Because I traded my lobster for reduced meat $4.99 a pound
But taste is nothing if it gets caught
in
your
throat

A golden cage set out for me
But only me
I go willingly
I wait for the back of your hand
Longingly
I wait to be grabbed and pushed and pulled
by you
For you
I go home after being with you
And I'm soaked from mere conversation
I know it's wrong
I know it's a step backwards
But I can't help from touching

The first time I saw you I wasn't impressed
But I'm so much like you I couldnt help it
I crawled into you and wore you around
I made you my pet
I made you my home
I tell you so much
More than I'm allowed
How much I miss you and want you around
And I know it's not right
Though you tell me it is
And I know that my heaven would be your kiss
I know that you'd hit me and throw me around and I know you'd love to hear me fall to the ground
And I'd give it to you
If only I could
But they say you're just a traumatized boy from the hood

You
**** up
And I
Forgive
And I
Don't know why
You always
Ruin my day
And still I give you my soul
Low self-esteem
I suppose

Shaking
From the curl of my toes
Since I was 6 years old
This is just culture
This is just a
Rite of passage if you will
Watch me dance
And twirl
I'm your girl
I'm the best girl
Daddy's girl for all but daddy kind of girl
Wash me in the sink
Pound my head against the drain
Until I bleed
Can you see me anymore

Drink the taste from my lips
Below you kiss what I show
To only you
As far as you know
And though I cannot hear your voice
Any
More
I still can feel your soul

Eyes wide
Looking up at you
On my knees
I do what I'm supposed to

Water
Fountain
Rose
Garden
Jesus
Crosses
On the lawn
I can see you
In your swing
Back and forth
To and from

I can feel the cold
Coming off of my skin
You
******* whatever you can dream
Indoor fantasies
So much freedom being free
Ice melting in my mouth
Ice melting in your mouth
Fields of green
Fields of you
A trumpet sounds
Tearing my pregnant heart in two

I like to swim
In
Doors
Of coffee filled rooms
I dream of you
And God you
Feel
Like
Brand new shoes

In the middle of the table
Fried chicken
Waiting for the yelling to stop
Should I eat yet?
Dim lit room
Nicotine paint
Fried chicken

Why tangerine?
Because it's the glow of your smile
It engulfs you
It warms you
It creates a flow around you that only I can taste
My baby
So sweet
And a tongue for you and a tongue for me
Licking sweet treats til each other bleeds
I miss you so

Broken
Door
Handle
My heart on a string
Dangling dangling
Crashing with each swing
And me on your chain
And me on your chain
Window
Won't
Open
Rocking rocking
Back and forth a beat
And me at your feet
And me at your feet

Dark nights
Embers
And
Merit ultra lights
Your try
Is lower than my
Eyes
Hello
I'm crying
On the phone
Can I carve my heart out of your sandbox yet?

Tell me something new
But everything stays the same
And I still worship you
I wish that we could play this game
If they only knew
The way you make my head spin now
They would come unglued
All I do is think of how
Good I look on you
Fade away and come back in
To red and black on blue
you're the best I've ever seen
At making me feel new
Like something from a story book
Hit on me, won't you
So I can feel your love
Like you want me to
I always listen to you baby
That's how I got you
I never want to change a thing
Except to not want you
But everything stays the same

You can have
Your cake
And you can eat it
too
And I will
Move on
Away
From what was me and you
And on summer nights
When I am wanting you
I'll **** somebody else

Talking to my self again
I know you're not that knew to me
I can see through all 4 doors
Not looking right threw my windows
I have seen you cry alot tonight
I've never felt so bored
But now I hear the train
And I can't sleep
Toss and turn
My brains too weak
Walking home
I hit the floor
I can't feel my bones anymore

You need a short girl who makes you feel like a man
And not normal short
But like really short because you’re short yourself