My notes are filled with little snippets of thought a scribble of letters, genuine but unrefined it seems that when I feel passion I lack the motivation yet when I sit down with a glass of lemonade laptop in hand and cool breeze running through my hair my mind suddenly seems to lack a single coherent thought discouragement turns the pink sugar water to mud I question how I can declare poetry my love when I have not showered it with affection in months maybe I try too hard to turn pretty what's meant to be misshapen maybe each word doesn't have to flow like a steady stream divulging the meaning of this world or the secrets in my heart maybe it's alright if a poem feels more like treading over rocks than drifting to sleep on a giant fluffy cloud maybe this is enough

I often wonder whether I am failing myself but then I remember the girl I once was the one who was always the third wheel who carefully planned out and calculated her words only to be talked over when she finally spoke the one who was bullied by her first grade teacher who hated her looks and despised her body
who stared blankly into space until her mind was elsewhere the one who was called useless after trying her best throwing kindness like confetti at people who couldn't care less what would be the look on her face if she found out that I am working at a summer camp as happy as could be holding out my hand rather than being walked over cracking jokes without fear choking me to death opening the lid to my box a little more each day if only I could have washed her tears away hugged her and told her it will be okay

my dad used to say all of the songs were about being seventeen young and sweet, wind in your hair, excitement in your veins and I thought wow, that means seventeen could be my year will my fairy godmother spare a wish? can my rags of hopelessness finally sparkle? maybe seventeen is the excuse I need to be brave to take the shot in the dark if it means finding light to cross the unbeaten path even though tree roots are out to get me to express the love flowing in the canyons of my heart to stop closing doors as quickly as I open them my age is young, but my dreams are old with this next chapter comes stories untold
I've had 536,457,600 seconds of air and don't want to waste one more

she casts her pencil like a wand as magic soaks into the page her flannel cascades around her work, shielding it from curious eyes she tilts her head to listen to the lecture, but her heart is elsewhere running through castles and stumbling through candle lit streets colors tangle to mirror the expanse of her dreams she shares her soul with every meticulous stroke each face blessed by her style but never the same when she designs she never aims for perfection for she knows perfect is just a fancy way of saying flawed she erases and redraws as if her art could never satisfy her desires it can always be better but it is never good enough if only she knew I meant it when I told her I loved her drawing her art speaks to me like Mona Lisa never could

So much wasteful -tedious
Much meaningless busyness
It's taking the peace I seek
Why not let it all go? You
Know you will in the end
Why wait?  It's not so easy
To say Adieu to all, that' is
Getting swamped going on

Slouching towards Bethleham
Or Jerusalem...I forget which
The morning and the evening
Star they are one.  Birth- Death
One.  Time is rhe mother of all
Change.  In time every healing
Comes and it is a wonder that
Cannot be remembered to  know
God's saving grace has blessed
Us again . All His promises:As in
Heaven we see His goodness here

For Time and Love
For my Mother and Father

Is this a game I am playing myself?
A dream?  If so when shall I  wake?
Falling thru space and never landing
Fear becoming boring then it must-It
It will yield.  This too shall pass and I
Am not dead. Another dream perhaps?
Lord hear my prayer for better dreams
To come,,,and the best  lasr: Be Always
:











falli

Dear woods forgive me for hurrying on
I would stay to know your blessed peace
But I must way; I am not ready now to
Stop and gaze and be gratified. be and be
I must away. Why?  Because I am not yet
Ready to accept things as they are  To let
Be what will ne.  I would return if God
Permits.  If I can but cannot linger now
But must find out if there is something
More Imust dp; that must be done to be
Saved.  God give me rest.  Save my soul
From ever hurrying on to an  unquiet end