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Blade Maiden Dec 2018
Since I already knew
I'd die of a broken heart
I made preperations
treating my death like art

Stop worrying
I took care of everything
the guests and the burying
even ordered flowers in early spring
I'm still around. If anyone was actually wondering where I've been I apologize. I missed posting on here so I might get back to it more often. No promises. I hope you, whoever reads this, are having a good day, week, month.. and if not, hang in there. Just hang in there.
Blade Maiden Oct 2018
I don't think I know
where to begin or
where to go
How to leave chance behind
how to change perceptions
how to treat my own mind

I don't know
why I have this need
to share and to show
Exactly where I stand
ever spilling heart in hand

I don't know why
I keep asking for truth
from strangers only passing by
Same old retreat
numbing sadness on repeat

I have no idea
what to tell you now
how to make myself more clear
How to leave and how to save
how to make my feet behave

I'm a glass full of shards
a peculiar collection
lots of shiny unknown parts
I don't know who I am anymore
I don't think I knew before
Oct 2018 · 1.2k
Blade Maiden Oct 2018

This ripe darkness
this mourning dream
a wrenching weakness
fit for the guillotine

An arrangement made
sheer comfort prepared
the end of fate
and, oh, how I dared

This dry paper
this cold pit
an agonising vapor
that smells of blood and spit

'Tis my mind
my wicked flesh
a soul pined
peeled off and fresh

Dressed soft tongued
I raised Cain
being shunned
silenced I remain

This dawning fright
this nightly echo
here comes the blight
light, don't let go
Oct 2018 · 1.1k
Blade Maiden Oct 2018

Traveling through an ocean-like space
I'm breaking like the waves
I arrive and crush on your shores
crawl into each and every pore
I dissolve into foam
which follows a storm
The storm becomes me
I rage over rock and tree
Devastation as I take
make room for renewal and remake

I brush away home and town
these empty houses, I tear them down
no place left to hide for the hunger
shall these demons come so I can pull them under
Make them eat the dirt they keep feeding to you and me
I will make them swallow and suffocate their glee
And when darkness comes I will be thunder
lightening the sky and breaking it asunder
And through this opening you will descend
everything that has been broken you can mend

Don't despair, love, take pride in me
The force of nature you clearly see
Believe in this inner symbiosis
Create your own apotheosis
Everything is well
Even in these dark times in which you dwell
This nature will never leave you
nor will it ever betray what is true
See through the eyes of your keeper
even when you think you can't sink deeper

What you are you shall hold dear
and walk this blackness without fear
Whatever wounds you carry away from this tourney
it's worth every step of this journey
Fight until your blood runs dry
pick up your worth again and again until you die
no need to run, no need to hurry
believe in your nature and don't worry
Sleep will come eventually
until then rage against life's brevity

You stand unbowed and unbroken by your ache
and leave life in your wake
Oct 2018 · 479
The Long Dark
Blade Maiden Oct 2018

Do you remember
in the midst of December
over burnt down wood and ember
reminding you of distant warm memories
of a long gone September

Say, do you recall
the great and foreseen fall
the big curtain call
the end of it all

Did you feel cold
when the life you knew came to a halt
nothing made sense anymore
of what you've been told before

You thought of dying
by your own hands, no denying
til this new found will to live
now there was nothing left to forgive

Takes you back to the roots
proudly walking in those boots
Living off the land
bow in hand

Teaches you anew to be in awe
able to see the beauty of nature once more
shows you its forces and how it can make everything break
how it doesn't need your approval, how it can give and take

And you remember it now
as you saw yourself hanging of this bough
You asked for this
"give me a quiet apocalypse"
Inspired by a beautiful game called The Long Dark in which you wander a post apocalyptic world and live with and fight against nature. No zombies, no magic. Just you, nature and its forces. I always loved the idea of having to go back to the roots like this. An escape from today's disconnected life. Nature is but an echo. Take me back.
Oct 2018 · 409
Don't mourn the waves
Blade Maiden Oct 2018
The ocean calls for my departure
don't mourn these waves
I was destined to return just like King Arthur

Scribbled words on our skin
invisible ink tells of prophecies
and all the lives that have not been

Pulled the sword from the stone
Naive to think that we'd be crowned
but rather released an angry storm

These stories speak of hate and resentment
it flows much more effortlessly
so much pain in trying to be sentient

Still I will not give in to bitterness
I wait for the storm to pass
to return to sea and drown in bliss
Blade Maiden Oct 2018

I sell my soul
for a pre-made bed
I give myself whole
for a sleeping spot in your head

I give my blood
for sacrifical purposes
I crawl through mud
til I no longer feel the worthlessness

I shed my fears
and all my dark feathers too
I spill them like tears
They fall of my leafs like new day dew

I pull out all my flowers
and plant them close to you
they will grow and become towers
which can only hold things that are true

And as my demons come for my lungs and liver
my hive heart will send all my bees
so these towers never wither
and this love never leaves
Oct 2018 · 619
Castle Lighthouse
Blade Maiden Oct 2018
Lighthouse shine a light for me
in these dark times it is hard to see
will you shine a light so I might be
(some day)

Meaning got lost in the rubble
trust has only brought me trouble
People hiding inside their bubble
(seems like we are all)

Fires would you burn
I got lost after taking the last turn
what is there to find, what is to learn
(we feel like being, being)

Please, show me a way
it is hard to go, so much harder to stay
I walk, I halt, I run, I stray
(everything's loud but I make no)

Lighthouse, my castle of warmth
how I miss your steady arms
and your happy, glowing charms
(how is seeing you in the distance so)

Like ancient kings and queens
of a wisdom that redeems
though never knowing what it all really means
(in uncertainty, lonely, in melancholy once again)
Sep 2018 · 358
My chilling beloved
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

Today autumn arrived
I watched it creep into my room
through an open window

In my bones a familiar feeling thrived
I watched the leafs fall around noon
from the trees below

Coldness came to greet me anew
a comfort of sorts
and I felt so very calm

Warmth came to meet me too
the rooms of one's own turn into charming resorts
candles, tea and a blanket become a weary soul's balm

With it came nostalgia
it slowly made its way under my skin
while colors change the outside

Do you know of this certain cardialgia
your heart is heavy but light but also filled to the brim
while memories of distant winters reach far and wide

Welcome my chilling beloved
my cold season of frozen solid dreams
I was eagerly waiting for your return

For you I ready my coat, already half gloved
I give myself to you by all means
and underneath my halcyon flesh I will quietly yearn
Sep 2018 · 677
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
it's cold
and I have a hard time
holding this pen
like I used to

I unfold
I'm convinced of my crime
hiding in my den
like I'm used to

And I've been holding on
dreaming, fading,
tired for so long
I remember your voice
Can I ever hold you
can I ever have the choice
I'm not used to

Why is it being so ******* me
how am I always wrong
when the voices tell me I'm free
but really all I want is to belong
Anything could be better
Nothing is the matter

It's alright
go back to sleep
it's just another lonely night
I'll feel better after I weep
til tomorrow
another gloom
wraps me in trivial sorrow,
For you I'll go catch the moon
your blanket looks warm, just tonight, can I borrow
If you don't need me, I promise I'll leave soon
I'm used to
Sep 2018 · 664
Myrkva - Darken
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
Helheim isn't a place
its fires only burn inside one's head
a dark and roaring space
a tomb for the dead

Dead cogitations
pitiful victims
of a mind's limitations
and shallow benedictums

There I dwell
dark imagination
an endless pit, a bottomless well
darker still the manifestation

Thoughts shrouded in mist
Hela is waiting
by the great shadow I am kissed
and all is fading

I get lost, I don't protest
deep inside this maze
by this darkness I will be blessed
and find comfort in this haze
Sep 2018 · 2.3k
This ghost haunts itself
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

My father said believe in nothing
My mother told me everyone will do you wrong
I thought to be taught a wise lesson
Sang along this song for far too long
Wasn't sure I'd know how to forget
or how to move on

My father cried only once
My mother never stopped her tears
Are we just vessels to be filled
with our forerunners' endless fears
Of a life that is begging to be lived
Just to be dead on arrival at the piers

My aunt said do what's asked of you
In the end no one could tell me how it's done
I jumped off the boat of broken ones
and got washed up at distant shores unknown
Though since then I saw many bright suns
never has anything clear been shown

Endless days of wondering
endless ways to go on pretending
always kneedeep in my head, always pondering
and how fiercely I'd like to be defending
the fragile insides of my chest but I let them keep plundering
hearts and hopes are constantly breaking and mending

To this shell I'm bound
for now my heart is cold and my ghost is still
in awe of what I haven't found
sitting on my mind's windowsill
wishing for a wind of change. May it be profound.
Sep 2018 · 285
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
Let me die
in a battle
with sharpened metal
As I put down my weapon of distance
til now a bow has always been my choice of resistance

let me be an animal
tearing flesh from my enemy
with sharpened teeth
the breaking of bones
skin tightens, body crumbles underneath
I'll go back to stick and stones
Bleeding til I'm dry
finally feeling terribly alive
before I end and die

But before
let me run
with wolves across these snowy hills
let me paint in red
in the heat of the midday sun
let me be the whale close to the shore
til the hunters come to get their kills
Bleeding til I'm dry
before I end and die

But until then
let me be courageous
let me be poison and contagious
like a venomous reptile
trying to survive me will be futile
I'll take all those who lay their hands on me
with me into agony
finally understanding the beauty
of life and death
I will show my natural fury
and never again be silent nor deaf
Bleeding til I'm dry
before I end and die

Wild and burning in life's fire
insight will come as my flames grow taller
And I know only in the wilderness
I won't be doomed as a pariah
Only there I can find the truth
and there is none to confess
As I bleed and live another day
far away
from human's self-glorifying mess
Bleeding til I'm dry
before I end
Sep 2018 · 319
The only savior I need
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

In awe of nature
high on its vigor
Shadows dancing through
dark forests of my mind
thunder breaks open the sky
lightning pours down from the heavens
with relieving sigh

I am struck down
by creational forces
the only god I need
cause she is none
Nature won't bow
there's no need
just go
run with its wild horses
Stop fearing
what was yours from the day
you were put in this earth
just like a seed

All is one
I am one and
I am all
I feel the storm
raging on
Inside me and
all around
Hold onto the winds
for I am bound
to this chance of living
and I am not afraid
of what nature is giving

This macrocosm
this moving world
the ground on which I'm standing
There's nothing in pain
no being can harm you
all will be overgrown
all enemies will eventually be slain
There's no need to hide
your darkness or your light

No, I promise, I won't
I won't be terrified
Sep 2018 · 478
Ghost town
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
I reached the hill
now there is silence
Thought I took the right pill
felt like hope wasn't a form of violence
But when I met myself at the highest bit
I didn't know what it meant
The hill was really a pit
a hell heaven sent
Feeling fragile
wearing nothing but torn dresses
as the devil became more agile
I dream of him as he trespasses

I reached the hill
it's silent
My own abandoned town
filled with ghosts and defilement
Burned my notes of obsession
cinder on my lashes
for a brief moment I see flames of possession
as dark eyes rain down ashes
The devil's got ahold of me
he brought flowers filled with poison
I grew a field of them, a flowery sea
silence came as I shut the noise in

I reached
My silent hill
poisonous oceans will hide
as I keep us still
the devil always in sight
Sep 2018 · 956
Radio Silence
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
Radio Silence
in my head
in my bed
as I've met
many dark creatures
in my dreams
all in my dreams
so as it seems
This Radio Silence
is leaning over
I can't take cover
my thoughts they hover
around my dark-minded lover
ruins my eyesight
as I hide
in this shadowed light
and I abide
I abide
no care for pride
It's for the fool
the one that knows better
I rather drown in a pool
suffocating in words I drool
as I ascend
as my physics bend
blood-colored steam rises
my guilt finally liberalizes
Radio Silence
as I shout defiance
Radio Silence
as I speak of compliance
Radio Silence
a sort of reliance
when I lie in stillness
contemplating my wrongful illness
and ask for forgiveness
Sep 2018 · 339
Made a deal with the devil
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

You say
"that's dark, babe"
But I don't think it's dark enough
Only in the night my dreams take shape
waking up these days is getting tough

I'm conflicted
my life's been restricted
Dreams seem true
and life is twisted

And all my thoughts
are growing along rose arbours
pretty to look at and impaled by thorns
each of them dying the death of martyrs

Can you see now?
There's a terrible sadness
a kind of sorrow
Turning sanity into madness

Reality check is for the sane
Imagined a world more real
Thought it's all in vain
I spoke to the devil and made a deal

Soon all I'll do is sleep
dreaming of my life to be
still better than to weep
for what isn't meant for me
Sep 2018 · 360
My Anathema
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

In the damp morning streets of my mind
a smell of words so foul
phrases that bind
and forever hidden underneath a dark cowl

Walking neath a hollow sky
a living, breathing, stone-cold vaul
as a lovely darkness constantly spills over my mind's eye
but never reaching thy heart, this empty hall

Words luminous like stars
reflecting on the sea below my feet
my mirrored self gripping onto bars
this is where truth and make-believe meet

I ask the Great Ones to give me the wounds
I ask for those that I deserve
Waited to bleed for many moons
this body is eager and so is every nerve

I cannot live another day
living of the starlit night
hiding my sole purpose away
this fragile human shell, my endless fright

Is this my Anathema?
I feel endlessly accursed
This mind's life is nothing but a phantasma
and it seems nothing can collect what has once been dispersed

Am I not dead yet?
Is this not dying?
I was not hit but still I bled
Why have you taught me how to be death-defying?

Blinded by what is illuminated
I'm always drowing in the space between
a warm light that has faded
and a bright and terrifying fire burning so keen

So just finally set my flesh ablaze
break through this agony, a heart so tame
let this sea of blood erase
and overflow this frame
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

I want
my heart on a platter
so I can see the ins and outs
Want the act to matter
See it mirrored, my mouth, it shouts

Feels like
standing in front of the mic
singing of losing track of time
remembering this certain chime

Means I
don't really know how to defy
feeling lost in the rubble
of uncertainties and trouble

I hide
behind buckets full of the tide
I filled when the ocean didn't look
all I could see I took

I keep
time in a place safe and deep
live inside a moonlit jar
an ocean filled reservoir
read my own memoir
and said au revoir
Sep 2018 · 442
Too true to be good
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

I know of
this exact thing I do
pushing people away from me
when I can't hide my insecurity
I say "am I wrong, I'm scared"
just to make them run away from me

I met so many
so careless
I'm sorry
So sorry
I have to be honest

My view is always a blur
constantly making me believe
in wrong ideas
my mind loves to perceive

And seeing how
sometimes they come true
against better judgement
I followed through
It makes me look like a fool
So what is there for me to do
than to think the same of you

"Get over it, we all hurt"
"Try to forget, don't be absurd"
"Maybe stop being so emotional"
"You could be more sociable"
If I could say how desperately I would
if there was a way to show I could
I thought being unapologetic
would be better than feeling pathetic
But it seems like either way
I'm the one that drifts away
Into this ocean of sickness
making me feel worthless

Though these thoughts
I hate the most
I fight feeling useless
I want to know my worth

Oh how I struggle to make them see
I'm not the words that come out of me
I don't want to feel anxious
I don't like to be sad
And I feel so pretentious
it might drive me mad

And how this thought
of losing my mind
sometimes seems
way too kind
Like such a relief
of a brain always screaming
almost a sort of dignity I could retrieve
thinking madness could be redeeming
Calming but terrifying all the same
For the bliss
would I really not care
to forget my own name?
Sep 2018 · 1.3k
Vargr fljóð - Wolf woman
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
The wolves are hungry tonight
and so is she
her heart does know no fright
with her pack she longs to be

Under the bloodmoon
see her limbs grow
her feral body is to swoon
turning wolf into lady from head to toe

Her brothers and sisters sharp teethed
running with the winds of winter
in this cold and star-bright night they will feast
blood smearings in the snow look just like cinder

Hear her song howling through the air
all ice melts underneath her fiery feet
as they catch and bite and tear
lucky ones see her eyes before their demise they meet

'Tis the night of the hunt
benighted men will not run
shouting "Begone! Animal! ****!"
happily she devours them, flayed bodies in the morning sun

She's always lurking, lusting for your smell
Dripping wet her mouth with the juice of life
no one lived for the story to tell
of the wolf woman, dark wood's feral wife
Sep 2018 · 2.4k
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

found a hope that prevails
reaching for me under a starlit tent
built a boat that sails
across all oceans as they bend
filled my book with tales
an anthology of moments I didn't attend

what a terrible word
holding such a stinging truth
felt like it's all worth the hurt
while wasting years of restless youth
called out and haven't been unheard
found something I couldn't lose

thought any path would get me there
where wholesomeness is not just hearsay
kept a fire in sight that brought me to where
I would find the light of day
made them proud of me, made them care
made them listen to what I had to say

And now
from where I stand
a lyrical sadness
paper in my hand
I know this is true
                                                            ­             I can almost see you
Sep 2018 · 475
All will be undone
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

And so I go
I bid you farewell
Don't forget
I love you so
this is all I know
all I can tell
For my own sake
I have to find out
not about
what's high
but what is low
so you will find me
way down in the well
under the lake

I know
You still feel the need
to carve your initials
into stones,
into the concrete
All I want is
to leave mine
on your lively skin
along your spine
Don't think
stone would care
for we are nothing but
cycling trivialities
stone won't know
what we'd dare
stone doesn't have
an interest
in our qualities

I know
Now I take
my leave of you
you, the idea
me, something that
wants to be true
But let me promise
you and me
we'll meet
for the first time
before the tide will reach
the last tree
Because then
all books
will be gone
no one there
to sing us
a sad song
And all these words
will be of no avail
and nothing
that now hurts
will prevail

Everything is
designed to
the whole of
earths array
linked until the end
and all of us
will have to trade
place by place
memory by memory
until we all fade

So I'll hold you
just like I now
hold this pen
steady and assured
washed upon human life's
last shore
when all's undone
that once was made
I will hold you
and think
what a comfort
this beautiful fate
Sep 2018 · 10.7k
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

The room in starlight bathed
My body unscathed
Swimming indoors
sheets are shores

Wash over me like the tide
for I don't sleep at night
Swimming indoors
where it always pours

Moon reflection
on my cushion
Swimming indoors
following ancient lores

Diving deep to find
an Atlantis on my mind
Swimming indoors
til reaching the dream's source
Sep 2018 · 454
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
I shut my eyes
to a world of fire
I drink and I roll the dice
I say make me forget that I feel dire

Come and be close
push against my spine
let my willingness arose
let my vines intwine
your wholesomeness, my overdose
let's become the fine line

Between ecstasy
and that
which is not meant to be
I fed
on you like on a juicy dragon fruit
Reach into what the wild one brings
our senses sharp and acute
I spread my wings

Turn each other into creatures of the flame
my hands how they claw at your skin
don't hesitate, there's nothing to tame
and nothing this true could ever be a sin
Sep 2018 · 2.6k
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

At the fjord
a body floats on a board
how it got there
no one knows

At seaside
you pushed against the tide
I didn't send you off
but you came back

I begged for you
at least stay true
keep away
your harmful attitude

There you are
washed ashore from afar
How did you get here
and why did you come?

It took me so many beaches
and seas just to reach this
a part of my own
somewhere to calm

You will never know
with what I fought and how
I can't make you more
than a in-the-back-of-my-head thought

I kneel down next to you
I don't know if you sacrificed and what you've been through
I'm feeling reluctant to cut you off
but it's too late for other choices

I smile, I'm sorry
I won't forget, don't worry
I take a rock
and end it then and there
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
I'm not sick
but I'm bleeding just the same
I'm not forgotten
but I can't remember my name
I carry a bag of stones
taken from my kidney in claim
I look down on my feet
no feet but guns and they take aim

I look up at the sky
no sky but tree crowns so dense
in front of me, as far as eyes can see
are waves and they build a fence
Faces from within look at me confused
muffled voices tell me I shall be reduced
Just me, my guns and my kidney stones
but I refused

I fell into a pit that looked like my face
They made me swallow my stones
Waking up inside a maze
I think these are my bones

Am I dead
or just insane
my guns are wet
is it all in vain
I regurgitate the stones they fed
spit out blood, the taste got plain

The maze of bones stands aflame
I dry in the heat
I hear a click, my feet to blame
I look down and pang!, I smell burning meat
I open my eyes, push through the frame
only a dream, I'm on the edge of my seat
Looking in the mirror, I fear this isn't the end of this game
I see the bag of stones and my reflection says "repeat".
Sep 2018 · 287
Some day
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

Sitting with you
at a table for two
you read poetry
I brought us coffee
You glance at me
I hear the humming of a bee
yet its flight unseen
the trees are green
a smile
and all the while
the sky is blue
clouds see-through
the air feels light
your hands are in my sight
you read a line
"this moment is mine,
this is perfect bliss"
I lean in for a kiss
Sep 2018 · 247
I might be
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
Overly emotional
strangely proportional
partly suboptimal
highly improbable

by truth and anger
and all that subsided

I'm trying
I'm hiding
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to scream
mostly defying
the urge to break
the urge to destroy
to disappear, to dissolve
I might be lying

To myself
to myself
My need for leaving or staying
is always unmet
with internal bleeding
my thoughts are paying
and these monsters
in my head
keep eating
Did I really put them there
Or did it happen back
when I was twelve?

I hear you
but your breath is so cold
I wanted to believe
in anything but you
But I think we got too old
and the house
my heart grew in
has long been sold

And when I'm drinking
you get angry
but what should I do?
My thoughts feel so scattered
and you can't pull me through

I'm trying
I'm fighting
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to dream
mostly defying
the urge to fake
the urge to decoy
to reappear, to resolve
I might be lying

to myself
Sep 2018 · 301
I choose to burn
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
Sitting next to you
I felt like frozen fire
Nothing compares to how unaware
you felt, and how being with you was dire

Forgot how it felt to be someone
I burnt so much for no reason
You took it all away from me
to me your love was treason

I remember how you held me close
once you were my brightest light
you swore to protect me
for me you picked every fight

I know your life made you weary
and I felt for you, felt all the pain
I thought you needed me to forget
but admittedly you just weren't sane

I realized then that I had lost you long ago
It wasn't my responsibility
to save you from yourself
from lost dreams and your agony

This frozen fire got so cold
I burnt so much for no reason
I had to leave before my soul would have been sold
before entering the last cold season

And I know you beg for my return
and it pains me still to refuse
but your endless winter would never let me burn
and the fire is what I choose
Sep 2018 · 763
Flowers for a spider
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

Is it wrong to feel
it all unfold
to want my tongue to peel
off the words that have been foretold
to let my chest burst open
feel the nectar of flowers all find their place within
My body's nothing more than a token
caught in darkness for far too long my lively swarm has been

And oh, the misery
I can't let them out
The only bliss, you see
is when the humming isn't so loud
But today my ears can't take the noise
my body aches, its been holding and breaking
I thought somewhere in all that buzzing I heard a voice
But I'm afraid I'm just anothers nest in the making

In my dreams I see my bees leaving
they all fly away
and I can't blame the spider for weaving
turning this hive into her own flowery array
Soon this place might as well be forgotten
for I know nothing about actual flowers
and they will all be rotten
and there over my lost mind an old tree towers

This tree will be my grave
I shall be buried alive
til something may save
the leftovers of my overgrown heart, this bee hive
Sep 2018 · 468
I wish to be in your dreams
Blade Maiden Sep 2018

You're trying to see
what it is she makes of thee
Flesh always burning
Bones always shaking
Head's always turning
to see many eyes waking

This bee hive heart is beating
dripping with golden excitement
watch wings stripping, flight of perceiving
she's reckless with incitement
Brain's buzzing
from all the lusting

What have you done
Lord of crimson?
Where do you want her to put all these dreams?
She's near, her slender feet walk on
Her newly sharpened tongue knows of no fears

Neither young nor old
either shy or bold
of this golden crowned goddess you shall behold
in your dreams she eats you whole,
that's what's been told
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
I'm guilty
I'm always guilty
it bugs me, won't leave me alone
"you're filthy, empty
only filled with things you collected
over there, in anothers life
you're all things neglected
hell, you're not worth the dive"

Shut up! Just be quiet.
Only once. Give me some bliss.
I am the one who decided
I'm fine with how it is.
Why can't you be my ally instead?
What is driving you so mad?

Yes, I feel pathetic.
Are you happy now?
Won't we make this sound more poetic?
The least we can do is put on a show.
Is this all I can do?
Always fighting this stupid me and you

I'm happy, can't you see?
My eyes cry out to make you believe.
I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy,
why don't you let me be?
A little bit futile,
in the eyes of my own judge
Quite a bit volatile,
and how it still all feels like a little bit too much

I know what I'm supposed to do
I know no stranger should feel like hope
I know I alone need to come through
I know there's no red rope
nothing that ties my floating pieces together
scattered for far too long,
underneath a bright and broken moon, forever
singing some beautiful and lonely song

I recognize.
I understand.
But I can't be changed.
I won't ever be changed.
Always feel estranged,
countless thoughts deranged
in the picture you see, so beautifully arranged.
Sep 2018 · 403
A good kind of silence
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
There's a silence
my senses aren't familiar with
but not one in defiance
less a silence, maybe more a bliss

You must know
all I've met were loud
creatures of big words, a big show
and so very proud

Of this quietness I know so little
all that shouting, felt like I had to go through with it
always finding myself in the middle
deafening noises in an endless pit

There's a silence
though I adore it I never wore it
quite as well as I could have
But now I sense an alliance
within this noiseless place in which we sit

Almost felt offended by the lack of words
but I make peace eventually, realizing
not silence but the emptiness of noise is what hurts
and though this silence still at times feels paralyzing

I know now more of honesty
no glass words to see through
an impeccable decency
is what I want to believe is true

There's a silence,
which is a calmness,
that makes me feel safe
from the mess
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
I know some things about dirt
I shed my feathers many times just like a bird

Always daring
never preparing
for the fall
I fly
bold with a certain confidence
but so very shy
hold a truth to obedience
when the voice tells me to abide
holding evidence of bloodlust at night

Maybe not a bird then
but a bat when
feeling a strong hunger
for your crimson liquor
in the dark I reach out to my monger
won't you be my cherry picker
I'll draw the night out and make the darkness stay longer
I'll bite you and make your blood run thicker

See me still hiding a diffidence
under this bold confidence
But I'm not about pretense
bird and bat, all the same
I feel so very tense
as it seems either I can tame
Though I don't need defense
and as you will see, I got no shame
Sep 2018 · 356
Lady of the marsh
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
"hush dear, be safe with us"
of whimpering
"liars, don't listen, don't make a fuss"
"you can't pretend, in your head it's all about us"
My reflection
mirrored in a strangers frown
creature creeping
underneath my gown
is it me, sweeping
give to whom it belongs, this heavy crown

In your pictures
the conflict hides
through pretty gestures
beauty subsides
and love with its tiring lectures

I don't give a ****
about your empty phrases
turned down praises
Watch me pull the plug
Your insincerity amazes
as I watch you feast on a deers pluck

You're not a dog
all you do is bark
getting rid of carcasses at the bog
listen closely and hear the lark
we all get lost in the fog
see if you can catch a spark
listen closely and hear the frog
you will see me in the dark
Sep 2018 · 495
In my nature
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
I sharpen my knife,
I stab my own heart
to see if what comes out
is yours or mine

My chest's a hive
bees feast, my flesh to part
the buzzing, a silence so loud
from my blood they make honey wine

I spill it
I speak in tongues
rest upon my honey womb
my nature's a slave to all that you do

In my palms and shapes you shall fit
breathe deeply through my lungs
let me sleep in the silence of your tomb
my nature's turning pure in you
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