Welp….
Today 10/03/2025
You told me to let you go
I know I know, I asked you to
Not because I wanted to let go
But because I couldn’t do it
I couldn’t let you go. I still can’t
Even with the reality of this moment
But with all the words you said
I know that I have to
For you to be without me
For you to move on without me
Yeah it hurts like hell
My stomach has this weird feeling
I don’t know why I thought we could’ve moved passed it all
Don’t know why I thought the distance would bring us back
It’s not okay but it is because I prepared for this
I prepared for that verbiage
Clearly I didn’t prepare as efficiently as I thought
I love you
I loved you
And I always will.
Maybe in another lifetime.

I have no choice but to take accountability
For my actions
For my verbiage
For the way I dealt with the woman of my dreams
The woman that engulfed everything I prayed for
For my part in it, I ****** up
Now I’m paying for it
Had nothing to do with greener grass
It was hurt, betrayal, lies and movement
For now, I’m watching you from the crowd
Eventually, me knowing me and you
I’ll no longer come to see you play
And that’s what hurts the most now
The thought of everything fading
No longer being approached
Everything just a memory
If only we could go back in time and really fight for it

It’s hurts when you love someone with your entire being not knowing if they feel the same way
When the thoughts you have get so heavy, that you only want them to relieve the pressure
When the day and nights seem so gloomy, you only yearn for their touch
When you look around, their presence is nowhere to be found
Even when you see them, physically, right in front of you, laying right next to you
Am I really here alone
Am I dreaming that I see you
Are you a figure of my imagination
Or are you just not in as deep as I am
The brain of an over thinker

That’s exactly how I feel
******* see-through
My feelings don’t matter
My opinion doesn’t matter
There’s no respect
No loyalty
Is there even genuine love
I’m starting to become numb
And a numb me isn’t a good me
That’s the wrong me to expose
That’s the wrong me to be with be
It’s pointless
A numb me is a who gives a **** me
A numb me is a disappear act
Here today, gone tomorrow, literally
A numb me is **** your feelings
**** respect
And why should I respect something that you don’t
I can’t fault the next *****, you opened the door
A ***** not gone respect **** you don’t respect
That ***** don’t owe me ****
But you owe me everything
Oh, why you say?
Because I gave everything
Even when I didn’t have it to give to myself
This feeling in my stomach has been here for a god three weeks
And it’s only getting worse
A ******* hopeless romantic
Dummy

You ever thought that maybe to be realigned with your person they may need to miss you to appreciate you. You holding on with a death grip, constantly accessible interfering with the process. Trust the process. Whats for you will always be for you.

Never not know nothing
Know for a fact that it’s you
It will always be you
Has been you since I seen your pants
I love you
I adore you
I respect you
And will never do **** to jeopardize that
I’m yours, fully
In all ways
Never not know
Never not know what I will or will not do
Always know that I put you in mind first
I know the consequences and never will I test the waters
In no way, shape or form
I want to water your grass
I want to nurture your mind
I want to caress your emotions and protect your feelings
I want you and only ******* you
I hope and pray these words are mutual
Reciprocation is everything
You and me
Me and you
Not for a good time but for a long time
I love you, KCNH 🤎🤞🏽

Well well well, Mr. May, we meet again. People say your favorite girl April cries, which her tears help water your beautiful flowers to bloom for the world to enjoy. For some reason it seems as though April can't produce enough tears, so yours are needed. Mr May, without your tears, the flowers won't bloom as vibrant. The grass won't gleam the beautiful green. The salt from your cold cousins will still linger around. We need you more than you'll ever know. Not just for your warm hugs but your beautiful and soothing cries. Mr. May, you're loved, you're appreciated and if no one tells you, I'm thankful that you exist. Without you, I wouldn't have my best friend, my sister who was blessed with you. So thank you for all that you do and all that you are.

Sincerely,
Your cold cousin November blessing,
ToT