Rhiannon: Poems

My Brain and my Heart are on conflicting sides.

Rhiannon Jun 2017

My Brain and my Heart are on conflicting sides.

My heart was made of glass,
And you smashed it on the floor.

No explanation, you just laughed,
But it made me want you more.

Love is blind.

My bus is always late.

Rhiannon Nov 2016

My bus is always late.

Tired eyes fight to stay open,
This bus is far too cold,
People shuffling with awkward words spoken,
Most of us are on our phones.

This bus driver is a grumpy *******,
So he's just about ruined my day,
I haven't even got to College yet,
And I want the world to go away.

This routine is comforting,
As I know where I need to be,
But that doesn't mean it's not boring,
Morning's are tedious to me.

The air is cold and biting,
And I've got holes in my gloves,
Same goes for my shoes,
As the rain cascades from above.

My Father's a selfish man.

Rhiannon Apr 2017

My Father's a selfish man.

My first sister didn’t pay her parking fine,
I think maybe once or three hundred times.
But my father didn’t care,
Because he’s a ******* billionaire.

So he’s probably sat at home on his new Iphone,
Booking spontaneous trips to Rome,

Whilst my third sister sits in the school foyer,
Heaving for breath,
Choking on a lollipop,
She bought with her last pence.

My future looks better with you in it.

Rhiannon Jun 2017

My future looks better with you in it.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I want to stroke your back when you’re upset or in pain.
I want to laugh at the silly things you say,
Or the random letters you add to a word,
Like that time, you went to say “Impossible”,
But ended up saying “Imposhable”.
And we died on the fourth round of **** zombies because we were laughing so much.

You’re a ****** but you’re my ******,
So yeah, I want to spend the rest of my life with you,

And maybe one day you’ll remember to bring your tortoise in from the garden,
So we’ll have a laugh trying to find him.
Eventually we will,
but only after we’ve wiped away the tears of joy,
Streaming down our faces.

My reflection is my friend.

Rhiannon Jun 2017

My reflection is my friend.

I like my stomach,
I like my face.
I also like that my nostrils are weirdly misshaped,
And those hollow scars I have on my left arm,
From a really bizarre spot infection,
That later came to no harm.

I like the moles that are in awkward places,
Freckles on my nose,
Filling other bland spaces.

I like the way I waddle when I walk,
Or stutter when I talk,
I like the way I am.

I like my wacky behaviour when I'm with friends,
Or my unforgiving laughter when the day nears an end.

I like that I cry over the most stupid things
And that I can pay for thousands of chocolate bars,
But can't afford diamond rings,

And yeah, I like the way I am,
Cause confidence is key.

But most of all,
I like that I can look at myself in the mirror,
And be proud of what I see.

"Me liking myself is an act of social defiance". - Hannah Witton

Nails.

Rhiannon Mar 2016

Nails.

Friends is a term I tend to abuse,
Better bring out your dead,
This isn't old news.
With their slippery palms,
Finding a new heart,
To sink their nails into.

Names.

Rhiannon Jun 2016

Names.

My councillor told me I was pretty,
And that would be ok.
If those weren't the words,
She was paid to say.

No more hate. Only love

Rhiannon Jun 2016

No more hate. Only love

We weep with you,
And so does the land,
A cross clutched desperately between somebody's hands.
May the grace of God guide them,
And the love of friends keep them warm,
May the angels in heaven sing to them,
May their loved ones be allowed to mourn,
May they be happy wherever they are,
May they be the shining stars.
And the light of a candle.

And we pray for them,
And we remember them,
And we accept them.
And we pray

Old.

Rhiannon Nov 2015

Old.

There was far too little time,
For me to comprehend,
That your time in life,
Was nearly at an end.

Corrupted slowly,
I was always told,
That you would only die,
Once you were old.

Old mans domesticity

Rhiannon May 2018

Old mans domesticity

Sitting home alone,
In my Grandads old chair,
A bird feather on his hat,
and pipe smoke in the air.

His fake teeth so white,
Like some pearls from out at sea,
And his humour so silly,
He'd make a clown out of me.

Sitting home alone,
In my Grandads old chair,
dog treats on the table,
And gel in his hair.

OCD plagues him,
so you cannot move his things,
Listening to an old vinyl,
Loading the dishwasher whilst he sings.

one

Rhiannon Dec 2015

one

Then I saw your skeleton,
And everything was clear.
You'd never loved me,
Like you said you did for a year.
So on with my journey,
I may never find the one.
But at least I can try to get there,
Having my share of fun.

Open symphonies of the heart.

Rhiannon Oct 2018

Open symphonies of the heart.

I will always write warmly about you,
You're a solid battle cry.
No Demon known to man can take you,
Angelic wings stretched wide.

I've hummed lullabies to your meaning,
Of certain love and grace.
You are contentment and a homely feeling,
You're beautiful and you're safe.

Crystals have reflected in your honesty,
Rainbow colour grins.
When humans can be muted anomalies,
You're the bird that still sings.

Orchard.

Rhiannon Sep 2018

Orchard.

Apples, Pears, Cherries,
Everywhere you see,
Ladybirds, Ants, Wasps,
Friendly bumblebees.

***** hands from seven hours picking,
Gloomy cloud or sunny skies,
Back ache from Blueberry collecting or weeding,
Getting a thorn in your eye.

Early mornings,
Commuter train,
Loud school kids,
Station rush.

A busy morning followed by a peaceful afternoon,
fresh air and quiet,
What a beautiful hush.

Overthinking at it's best.

Rhiannon Sep 2016

Overthinking at it's best.

We didn't have to be around each other all the time,
Because our souls were completely intertwined.

If we were an artist our picture would be ridiculously refined,
To the point where we would hate it because it wouldn't have any human fault.

Then everything would start to taste of salt because we were used to it so sweet.
Ridiculously sweet so it would rot our teeth.

So then we'd have to put fake ones in,
Then we'd become thin because we couldn't eat properly.

And then we'd play Monopoly but we wouldn't understand the rules so we'd play it wrong.

Pain.

Rhiannon Sep 2016

Pain.

I can't be bothered with this anymore.
Too many people are in pain,
Most of my friends drowned before they found the shore,
And I'll never see them again.

Pandemic thoughts.

Rhiannon Apr 2020

Pandemic thoughts.

With the grunts and groans of a wakening morn,
A small ball of resentment, fire and scorn,
There are heavy bags haunting your face,
Time goes by on a clock but there is no race.

Days and moments mesh together,
For the dumb, oblivious, ignorant and clever,
Nothing is separate one by one,
Awaken, eat, sleep, done.

The ignorant march out in hordes and laugh,
At the cautious hidden behind masks and glass,
As the docile watch from somewhere in the middle,
Eat, work, sleep little.

Remembrance of the workers clad in cloth,
Their work deemed essential until very last cough,
Mindless sit on stones along the beach,
Whilst the sun cooks their skin, face and feet.

"I'll be ****** if I'm staying in!" someone shouts,
A reckless, stupid, ignorant lout,
Struts into the shop and buys a lazy spa,
Oh how productive, thoughtful and intelligent you are.

Then the workers travel home by train, car or bus,
Get through their front door and take their shoes off with a huff,
Sigh because tomorrow is yet another day,
Trying to persuade morons to simply stay away.

#pandemic #retail #worker

People.

Rhiannon Dec 2015

People.

Should I even ask?
Is it that simple?
That everything you think.
Has been affected by people.
Sharp tongues slashing,
Wounds you can't see,
Because I'm absolutely terrified,
Of what people think of me.
Can you hear the screaming?
That's my heart,
All these suppressed emotions,
Are ripping me apart.

Pillows.

Rhiannon Jan 2016

Pillows.

When your head is heavy,
Your heartbeat gradually calming down.
As your eyelids slowly drop shut,
Your breath steady with the rise and fall of your chest.

Your bed is comfort,
Relaxing asleep,
Nothing can harm you,
As you count sheep.

One, Two, Three, Four,
You can't get to five before your mind is absorbed.
Up in the clouds,
Away with the fairies.

But then things start to turn scary.
With the flutter of your eyelids,
Tremor of your hands,
You're awake now,
The one thing you can't stand.

Then all you hear are the monsters whisper in your ear,
"You're awake, You're awake, You're awake."

Plastic.

Rhiannon Nov 2016

Plastic.

"How are you doing?"
He asked, plastic smile wide.
Playing with a bullet between his fingers,
Considering homicide.

A peace symbol on the wall behind him.
Hypercritical state of mind.
Tells me that he loves his family,
So it's confusing to find,
That he bombs others in another country.

Practicing homicide.

Please don't get involved.

Rhiannon Jun 2017

Please don't get involved.

Tell me I'm not crazy,
Tell me I'm sane.

Oh, but maybe,
You're the one dissecting my brain?

Pocket watch.

Rhiannon Nov 2016

Pocket watch.

You gave me a pocket watch,
I remember what you said.

"As time goes by I'll always love you, even when I'm dead."
I thought your words vague,
They didn't make much sense.

When you smiled you at me,
Your lips where chapped,
Like you used love in pretense.

Poems.

Rhiannon Jul 2016

Poems.

I can't seem to write poems anymore,
Even though I'm up at 4 AM,
Notepad ready and ballpoint pen.

But nothing seems to spring to mind,
Except for the thought that I'm wasting my time.

I can't seem to write poems anymore,
My creativity has been forgotten and my mind sore.

But nothing seems to be working,
And everyday I find,
The most horrible and degrading thoughts,
Lurking in my mind.

Pray.

Rhiannon Oct 2016

Pray.

Pray for your enemies,
Hold their hands,
Because their reasons for hurting you,
May be hard to understand.

But acceptance and forgiveness,
Will light you up and make you whole,
As love is the only real power,
That can cleanse a human soul.

Quiet.

Rhiannon Dec 2015

Quiet.

I want to hide.
Hide from it all.
No more computers, No more people.
I want to be all alone,
Just thinking.
This world can be a beautiful place,
But we decide to focus on the bad.
So I want to hide, hide, hide.

Rain.

Rhiannon Jan 2017

Rain.

I'm so grateful,
For the place I call home,
With the friends I will cherish,
and a room to call my own.

For the arguments we've had,
Then the calm after the storm,
For the apologies we muttered,
When a brand new love was born.

For the rain that used to patter,
Leaking on our windowsill,
For all the laughter and the chatter,
Knowing life could only go up hill.

Rain.

Rhiannon Aug 2016

Rain.

Dancing in the rain,
Clothes soaking wet.
Lungs inhale fresh air,
Talking to your silhouette.

You're freezing cold,
The rain has drenched your heart.
You imagine their subtle smile,
As you fall apart.

Rambles.

Rhiannon Mar 2016

Rambles.

All these insignificant rambles,
They seem to come out in loops.
I've got thousands of ideas on scruffy paper,
Just incase you want some proof.

This book I'm writing has no reason,
It's not even the depressive season,
But these rambles always swarm back.

Rat and Cat.

Rhiannon Jun 2016

Rat and Cat.

Imagine if I were a cat and you were a rat,
You'd be frightened of me.
I'd chase you round the whole house,
And **** you eventually.

But lets just say,
This is the way it is normally.
Only you're the cat and I'm the rat,
And you're terrifying, See?

You play with my emotions,
Let me think I am free,
But then you come back again,
And take a chunk out of me.

Reaching.

Rhiannon Oct 2021

Reaching.

Would you like me to be honest with you?
I think you're out of my league,
Like winning a lottery ticket or guessing at random,
You're something I can't achieve.

But it's not detrimental to my self worth,
I still think i'm fine,
But you're a rocket ship and I'm an aeroplane,
So maybe another time.

Reason

Rhiannon Dec 2015

Reason

Tell me the truth,
Just the reason you left.
Because I've never been sure,
I've heard you committed adultery,
But how can I know that's true,
I was still in my Mothers womb when you left.
When you ran,
Into the arms of the ***** that caused this war.

Rebuilding boundaries.

Rhiannon Oct 2021

Rebuilding boundaries.

I would like to apologise. Not for being upset, but for reacting rather than pausing and taking a deep breath. I was furious and devastated. A cut throat way to end. Never thought i'd be hurt by someone I called friend. Thank you for everything. For love and the laughs and the pain. You'll always be a part of me. A memory forged into my brain. Maybe one day we'll get back to talking. Admit our faults and carry on. But for now I'm still healing, so I'm distant , cold and gone.

Due to policy changes i'll be taking my heart back.

Restlessness.

Rhiannon Nov 2016

Restlessness.

It's 2:55 and my mind is screaming,
It's 2:56 and I should be dreaming,
It's 2:57 and I'm still awake,
It's 2:58 for goodness sake.

Ripped.

Rhiannon Dec 2016

Ripped.

You ripped out my heart,
Leaving an open wound across my chest,
You didn't even stitch it up,
And it's become infected since you left.

Well, I knew alcohol was antiseptic,
So I bathed it in whisky and *****.
You left me when I was high of anxiety,
I didn't even get to say that I loved ya.

Romance?

Rhiannon Mar 2016

Romance?

What is "Romance?"
Because to be honest I'm not quite sure.
Is it the shape of the clouds?
Or something a little bit more?

I've done some research,
But all I have found,
Is that love starts to kick you,
Once you fall down.

"A triumph of wit and virtue".
That's just a lie,
Because I've broken my wings,
So how can I fly?

rope.

Rhiannon Dec 2015

rope.

I don't feel a thing,
When people say they love me,
Cause I can feel the weight,
Of all the hearts above me.

Slowly bleeding out,
Everyone must know,
I can't feel the cold,
Even when it snows.

My senses are broken,
Pins and needles all the time,
And at this very moment,
I'm finding it hard to rhyme.

I don't understand,
What's going on?
Why do I only write,
Really sad songs?

Now I don't mean to scare you,
But I wouldn't get too close,
Because the last that did,
Couldn't feel the rope around their throat.

Rumour.

Rhiannon Oct 2016

Rumour.

There are rumours circulating,
About you and I,
I'm not sure what they are,
But then I'm not one to pry.

According to common gossip,
We've done so many things,
Like snuck out at midnight,
And bought each other diamond rings.

I only know those two,
From my friends big mouths,
Who exclaim these stories in detail,
Like they're something to be proud about.

But rumours are never good things,
They only cause pain,
Because people's sharp tongues sting,
As we drive each other insane.

Salt.

Rhiannon Apr 2016

Salt.

Should I be happy she's in love?
When he left me on a full moon and took all his stuff.

My friend boasts and gloats that she's happy,
Does she not have the slightest sympathy?
It's like she's saying "He left you for me look how happy we can be".

So I just stand back and stare,
The salt she rubs into my wound lingering everywhere.

Secrets.

Rhiannon Dec 2016

Secrets.

You told me you wanted to talk,
So I asked "what about?"
Then you avoided the question completely,
As if I'd began to shout.

I don't see the point in keeping secrets,
When it all is revealed in the end,
And is it worse for it to be revealed,
To your enemy or to your best friend?

You cannot oppress your feelings,
and that is perfectly fine,
So just let people know,
One person at a time.

Seize.

Rhiannon Apr 2020

Seize.

We formed forces impatiently,
the sharp hiss and sting of pain,
you asked, "Are you ok?" quietly,
I nodded my head in vain.

The lights were on and we were bare,
Our nakedness something new,
Your skin suprisingly soft and fair,
A whisper of history between me and you.

We lost ourselves unsuccessfully,
Thougths too loud in your head,
Afterwards we lay together quietly,
mumbeld words passed along the bed.

The next morning we had breakfast,
Talking over what we'd done,
Smiling at eachother nervously,
Agreed it was just some fun.

But your thoughts they kept on nagging you,
messages of twenty or more,
your denied conquest like a blade threw,
as your feelings sank into the floor.

I'm here to amend the memory,
the weight of your body against mine,
But I can't make myself touch you anymore,
and this feeling is no longer fine.

I'm sorry you think I used you,
You mean so much more you see,
You're the person in my life who,
Sank into sensation with me.

Serpent.

Rhiannon Apr 2016

Serpent.

This unimportant information,
That you seem spread.
You're just like a duck,
Constantly quacking for bread.

You seem to think you're lovely,
But that doesn't seem true.
When I hear the lies you spread,
And all the evil you do.

Other people life's are not your business,
So I think it's best you say nout.
Because your serpent like tongue is causing problems,
So sort yourself out.

She.

Rhiannon Mar 2016

She.

She doesn't read my poetry,
And throws away my stuff.
She cannot stand my music,
I think I breathe too much.

The bile I stutter from my tongue,
Is nothing compared to hers.
She's a wasp and I am stung,
But she's only using her words.

The selfishness she commandeers,
It does nothing but hurt me so.
As she cuts her skin destroying herself,
She only let's me know.

She.

Rhiannon Nov 2016

She.

She left without a word.
It was like loosing a limb,

Or she'd chucked me in the ocean,
Knowing I couldn't swim.

She had it all planned.

Rhiannon May 2017

She had it all planned.

What do you want me to say?
What the **** do you want me to do?

If you do end up killing yourself,
I will not make a martyr out of you.

You are not disposable.

Shots fired.

Rhiannon Nov 2015

Shots fired.

Holding the gun to my head,
I swear I'll press the trigger,
One more minute and I'll be dead,
My body left to rot and wither.
Eyes wet with tears of sorrow,
I've always been a giver.
So will you take the gun from my head?
Or will you **** me quicker?

Sing

Rhiannon Jan 2016

Sing

Dancing in the moonlight,
Singing a happy hymn.
I can't wait to show the world,
All the joy you bring.
Your smile brightens my darkest days,
Rays of sunlight erase the doubt,
Surely this is what life's all about?

When your hand accidentally brushes past mine,
That leaves my entire world in a twine,
As my eyes go wide and light up in surprise,
While a blush creeps up my cheeks.

I know I have nothing to fear as long as you're near,
because you'd wipe away all the tears,
That could stain my skin.
Making me want to sing,
In the moonlight,
A happy hymn.

Skin.

Rhiannon Jun 2016

Skin.

Facing your demons is always hard,
Especially when it sits on your stomach as pounds of lard.
You try to resist your favourite treats,
But no you must admit defeat,
Those cookies aren't going to eat themselves.

And as you stroll through the supermarket,
On every shelf sits a wealth of desserts and treats,
All the ones that you want.

It would be a shame to say no, Right?
I mean my clothes aren't that tight,
And it's not as if I can't get off the floor.

But you act as if it's a chore,
To reach up to the tallest shelf and get more,
As you complain about the size of your stomach.

So when the skinny girls walk past you glare,
Because you're envious of the care they take of their bodies.
Well, That could've been you,
If you just resisted a little while longer.

Sky.

Rhiannon Nov 2016

Sky.

We were supposed to fly together,
Soar through the sky against the wind.

Let the breeze lift you up,
Accept the weather conditions.

But you didn't like the fact it was snowing,
So you fell hurling downwards,
And cracked your head on the concrete.

Slow down.

Rhiannon Feb 2017

Slow down.

I remember when you said,
"Maybe we should leave this town".
I said, "Nah, Sorry Mate. I got too many relatives running around".

You said, "That's alright",
But the furrow of your brow made you looks cross.
And no matter what I say,
It's like you're a fishing line and I'm an albatross.

Smell the fresh air.

Rhiannon Oct 2017

Smell the fresh air.

Nothing worth having comes easy,
That's just a lesson I've learned,
And sometimes when there are things we desperately want,
We have to be paitient and wait our turn.

Those you love will sometimes annoy you,
Or hurt you in some kind of way,
But still that does not diminish the value,
Of them coming back to see if you're ok.

At times the weather can be miserable,
But the sun always comes out in the end,
So take a deep breath and march on,
Treating the world like your best friend.

Smile.

Rhiannon Apr 2016

Smile.

And then you told your Mother,
That you wanted to quite,
But she wouldn't accept it, no.
Perfect you must fit.

You're crying and your sister,
Tells you you're ok.
So you smile like she told you to,
As your inside decays.