I missed out on so much
A Special day
A ceremony
A dance
Saying goodbye to so many
That I'll never see again
I hope they're doing all right

I miss the feeling
Of finding something new.
The anxiety.
The excitement.
But like all things.
Once they happen once.
They don't feel the same again.

I listen to the same songs
The same playlists
The same sounds
The same feelings
On repeat over
And over again

A lot of things have changed
A lot has gotten better
But the Pain hurts more when you fall from higher highs.

I think that the worse part is that  I know it's true
but accepting it is another thing
and I don't even know how to feel anymore
the loneliness is starting to feel comfortable
The best thing I've ever learned is how to find happiness in solitude.

The worst part is that I don't want to hurt the few people that love me
I keep going
I wake up and just exist.
If only they knew.

I feel numb
I feel tired all the time
I've stopped caring
I've been so scared
I don't even fear death at this point.
If I were to meet death
It would be with open arms.