I imagine the little things
Like you and I making breakfast together for the first time
And us sitting in a coffee shops enjoying each other company in silence
Me, writing you love letters and slipping them into your coat pockets
You, making us tea

I dream of the first time we kiss
And how I will grab you at the waist and pull you in close

I think of the first time we'll fight
And how it will keep me up all night wondering if I did something wrong
And you telling me everything is alright

I bite my fingernails
Then nervously scratch my hair

I've been in fights before
One time I punched a guy
For making fun of my neck
I pushed him against the desk
And kicked his stomach.
He never spoke to me again.
I went home crying that day
Victory never tasted so salty.

Insecurities ringing in my ears
Like the alarm on a clock

It's time
Time again

I've been in fights before
But there's only one that leaves me
On the bathroom floor
With sunken eyes
A bitter taste on my tongue
And a sandpaper feel on my teeth

I've been in fights before
None as hard
As the one against myself

What do you do
When you don't believe yourself?
Who are you, if you are more than one?

I always thought I had two hands
For a reason
As one would push against
The back of my throat
The other
Would hug my waist

I don't know who I am
The clock keeps ticking
It's time again
I don't want it to be

There are two arms in a clock
And two arms on my body

It's time
It's time again

I was writing my research
The other night
I had to explain
The conflict of interest
In my study

I forget the research doesn't care about me
The conflict of interest
Doesn't mean when I sleep all day
Miss my college classes and fail my quizes
So that no one hears what happens in the toilet
At 3:12 am

When I was in 4th grade
My friend told me her secret method for a happy life

She said she'd write down
What had made her upset
Then tear it into little pieces
And throw it away

I have no one to talk to
And my room is full of confetti
Sometimes I convince myself
That someone is cheering for me

Why is no one cheering for me?
I am skinny
I am skinny
Why is no one cheering for me?

I feel two feelings
Every day of my life
One that I have betrayed someone
The other that I have been betrayed

I'm still trying to figure out
Which
Is worse

Hundreds of miles away
I look up to the moon and I see you
You're lying in your bed, sleeping
Dreaming your night away
I spend the night staring at the moon
Whispering 3 little words
In hopes the moon will whisper them to you

I've come to love the darkness as I fall asleep
Because in the darkest of nights, anyone could be lying next to you

Maybe the words I write will somehow float off the page, they'll drift and drift through the sky until they reach your eyes and you'll see I was right here the whole time

Maybe the notes I play will echo endlessly throughout the night, they'll ring across the clouds and the stars and they'll enter your mind

Maybe the words I whisper to myself when I'm alone will find their way to your lips and maybe, just maybe, you'll say
*you're mine

It was always a joke to you
But it was the world to me