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Anna2000 Jan 2019
You said it was my sigh
one of desolation, dissent,
that prompted you
that ubiquitously grey day,
to place your soul on that frigid, wooden bench
at a bus stop of all places,
right beside mine.

You made a comment
where was I going,
dressed so sharp and solemn,
with a distinct aura of resignation,
and startled from my reverie
the fog was blown from my mind,
by you, so cool and clear.

You tell me now
that you had no real reason
besides perhaps a distant curiosity,
to sit by me in the brisk twilight.
But as I boarded the bus,
not far behind,
I planted myself right next to you.

It was then you claim you knew,
that the rest was history.
Anna2000 Oct 2018
A creeping sense of dread seeped in,
as I realized there was a traitor in my midst.
A double agent at it again,
striking mercilessly with an iron fist.

I thought all was as it should be,
shoved my heart in a barred cell,
and set my body free,
but oh how quickly my defenses fell.

How could I have been so naive,
to mistake lust and love for oil and water,
as once entwined they are impossible to cleve,
inseparable indistinguishable fodder.

Once I realized my own betrayal,
panic dug its twisted roots deep,
and only then did I truly fail,
as I fled the state of infatuation a frazzled heap.

It was then that  I noticed in my haste to flee,
I tore my heart in two, and whether it can be mended I have yet to see.
Anna2000 Oct 2017
From the point of my true comprehension of the idea of existence in this deep dark ocean of unexplored territory that we call Earth, I began to face a strange, persistant shadow that clung to my shoulders like an eternally stifling trench coat that it felt as if I came into the world wearing it. Day by day, strange seeds of instability stuck to my subconscious, magnets on steroids, caught one by one. Random places, it seemed, bore these irritants, perhaps caught like a cold from a passing conversation on ebola, woven inside a seemingly innocuous *** poster at the doctors office, buried deep inside the depths of a history book, the story of the plague jumping from within the pages like an ancient mummy released from its tomb free to run rampant. Slowly but surely, a ****** of gahstly crows coalesqued around my mind, each a unique individual, peck peck pecking my brain to shine a spotlight on its favorite seed, tending lovingly to the garden of insanity in my skull that fed them night and night again. Growing and growing, the number of birds grew to be so great, the weight of their talloned claws sunken into my shoulders so heavy, a hairline crack at the base of my solidity spread like a rash, until for three days straight, the atmosphere decided to hold oxygen hostage from my desperate lungs, and my secret spilled out to the world, splattering my family with cold raindrops of confusion and disbelief. Silly girl, they laughed, such a creative imagination. Just remember that crows and seeds dont exist, and you won't see them anymore. Crows are only for needy girls who want attention, of course,  they reassured me lovingly. Subdued and chained to my fate to ignore the crows, I do what I'm told, and endure the daily peck peck peck of my brain with the dignified endurance only one who has lost all hope of freedom can manage.

Left arm sore today? A seed snaps to my brain, and peck peck peck, a crow caws "cardiac arrest" for the remainder of the day.

Leg cramping at four in the morning? A planted thought prompts the eerie call "blood clot". Who needs sleep any way.

Back pain and heartburn? I sigh, accepting the prognosis of two collapsed lungs and scoliosis from the ***** birds hemming and hawing inside.

Some days, there are more seeds than others, and some days, the crows picking my brain feel hungrier and louder than ever. One day, perhaps I'll be able to dump those pesky seeds on a city side walk, and run far far away as the crows remain to fight the worry pigions that sometimes tag along for scraps, and I'll finally starve them all of their power over me.
Anna2000 Oct 2017
I remember when I was still smallest in the lands,
And he smiled as I held the still beating heart,
Of a gasping fish in my pretty little hands,
A ruby red ball we gleefully tore apart,
Just to drop it used, a memory now distant,
To be forgotten in an instant.

The bigger I grew,
The more transparent he became,
Once I was through,
He was always the same,
Belittling, snitching, cutting and loathing,
Yet I was the one he proclaimed danced in sheep's clothing.

As the end of my imprisonment grew near,
A golden number just a few months away,
Something broke, discretely shattering my fear,
Leaving the cold little stone for which he now must pay,
For by tarnishing my heart with his cold grimy hands,
It was a key he threw away, his arms encased in cool shackle bands.

Soon it will be I who is free,
and trapped to rot,
it will be he,
bitter, and green, he asked and he got,
he laughed when I cried,
now with no guilt, his pleas are denied.
Anna2000 Apr 2015
Every day
some part of my subconscious is wondering at
human beings odd, acquired habit
of filling silence.
mistaking something valuable as a awkward mistake to be
eradicated, fixed, filled.
while at the opposite end of the spectrum
is those who value silence.
feel undeniable annoyance
at those who throw their peace away,
mistake the definition of silence for a lack of,
and not a gift.
Sitting in any class,
their will be two mindsets.
Two musings constantly buried in the subconscious
of two very different types of people.
one will bypass thinking,
instead flinging words out
like they were born without the space between that split second when something flits into a mind
and when that thought bursts out.
The other thinks, dreams, plans,
and doesn't stop.
If someone were to describe me,
their first word would be
silent.
the bane of my existence.
I'm not silent in my mind,
Everyday, full fledged conversations flood my thoughts.
Some reply's that will never be spoken, never absorbed by the shocked ears of the extroverts surrounding me.
Thousands of mad little dreams,
that thinking about five minutes later,
put my sanity into question.
The only dilemma is
i haven't spoken a word.
A problem for others,
a jumbled mess of escape and frustration for me.
Anna2000 Apr 2015
Science explains life as a series of reactions.
Some are inevitable.
Some are just chance.
Science is supposed to be a explanation,
But somehow,
Impossibly,
Mabye just because I am me,
Science has failed me.
That day in 7th grade was just a fleeting feeling
Or so I thought.
A crush is just that.
A confusing, scattered mix of feelings, that normally,
Science could explain.
Dialated pupals,
Normal.
Fluttering heart?
Normal.
Flushed cheeks?
Still normal.
This is what science explains.
Perfect sense.
But what about what it can't explain.
This little fleeting feeling can
Turn a normally sane person into a aparent lunatic .
Turn a single word into what seems like a thousand buzzing
Coded messages.
Turn a slight stumble into a worldwide tumble.
That quiet little feeling,
That you told to just go away,
Has apparently decided instead
To just keep growing.
To defy rationality
To blurr the line between just a flutter
And the unknown.
Even after a year of starving that feeling,
And you think, its finally gone
With a mixture of
disapointment and relief.
Just to find out that it was hibernating
And ready to make a comeback.
Why
Do these things
That just start as just a little feeling
Defy science
And turn into what could be described as
Resiliant, controlling,
Exiting,
Odd little feelings turned creature
That seem to have minds of their own
And a twisted sense of humor.
Things that some might Call
the begginings of love.
One of the few,
Or perhaps many,
Things that are truly
*undefineable.
Anna2000 Mar 2014
her hands are cold,
her cheeks are sunken,
her bones are brittle,
she is beautiful, pale, icy, and wrong.
her dark glimmering eyes hold secrets everyone glimpses,
but no one has the courage to ask.
her arms are sticks,
her wrists are twigs,
and her fingers are needles.
shes so thin, your afraid she will brake, at the slightest touch.
her parents don't notice, that nothings consumed,
until its to late.
today, this is the goal.
don't eat, don't speak, don't stop.
she's smart.
you cant see the scars,
and anything visible,
is from the cat.
her ankles are shredded,
her shoulders are scratched,
her hips are black and blue.
shes a vision,
a haunting ghost,
a apparition.
her hope is to escape,
escape this dreadful skin,
a prison to her perfection that she knows is hiding just under the surface, so close,
yet so far away.
she wants to be, needs to be perfect,
it feels like she is always so close,
but its never enough.

she can see it, she is not perfect,
and you know she feels it,
deep in her bones,
at the edge of her mind, the tip of her tongue,
the plume of her lips.
and it drives her crazy,
she knows, deep down, that this is not right.
but she cant help it.
it is not a choice,
this is a need, an addiction,
and she cant stop alone.

whats truly sad,
is that we all see it,
we all know, that when she cry's for help,
when she  screams the warning,"i'm fine."
that she is lying.

yet we choose,
we choose,
to believe it.
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