The thought of a café or club
both make my heart rate rise.
Or going to cafés and stores;
even sometimes just outside.

I’m tired of sitting, so lonely,
so sick of staying inside.
So tired of choosing to stare at screens,
but I’m afraid to experience life.

While it seems a good solution,
it just makes me more upset.
I crave to be there, mind devoid of fear;
it seems impossible, nonetheless.

Inside is comfortable, I can’t deny,
but crushing; keeps me up each night.
I could stay inside my cave all day,
‘cause I’m afraid to experience life.

I sit frozen on my floor,
stomach sour and mind awhirl.
My palms and feet are getting sweaty,
fingers pulling at my curls.

So, I study how to take control
of a mind in fight-or-flight.
It will still spiral at outings mentioned,
but I’ll work toward experiencing life.

“I sure am glad I joined a frat,”
I tell my friends and family.
From spending nights in solitude,
To being in community.

I once had dreamed of better bonds
With students at my school,
And now I’ve found some, oh, boy, have I;
My days and soul now oft’ refueled.

Fall me knew what things were best for him,
And so, he sought them out.
Those who I got close with I didn’t expect,
But adore and love learning about.

“I sure am glad I joined a frat,”
I once thought I’d never say.
But it’s true—more than you could know—
And a member I shall always stay.

Last fall, I wished to fulfill greater purpose;
One much grander than I had,
And after hours of serving those both near and far
I've more than found it, and I’m so glad.

Next semester and beyond, I’ll dedicate myself
Far more than what's allowed at this time.
I’ll pledge my time, energy, and maintain my health,
To secure the future of my kind.

I pass you on campus near daily, yet now I see you differently.
Once a cute girl I briefly met, now a crush; your sweet face enthralls me.
She hasn’t a clue that I have feelings since we hardly ever speak,
But I see her enough that we could talk; perhaps a few times a week.

The Radio Girl, I sometimes call her; she has a show here on campus.
I’ve not heard it; boy, I want to; her music taste seems just like mine does.
I heard a ton from Instagram; her highlight reels hold fragments.
Her taste in fashion’s killer, too, all her flannels, Docs, and flared pants.

Tempted to find the our chemical potential, I do math and schemes for days.
Conscience says: “I shall do my research and watch from afar to get to know her ways.”
But wait, conscience, that’s kinda weird, and this fact I’m well aware of.
I just… worry I’m too lame to talk to her, or my autism might be a scare-off.

Radio Girl, I hope to pass you again on campus; my grins to you will beam bigger.
I may make myself available and muster up a social vigor.
I can compliment you, mention your show; doesn’t matter what we talk about,
‘Cause this won’t mean a relationship; as time passes, I must actually ask you out.

I miss him.

When he first died, I mostly missed that he was around.
Then, I missed that the family room lost its sound.
I missed his last hugs and his then-quiet voice.
I was left to accept this; no other choice.

I grieved and grieved, eventually coming to terms
with a reality that came to haunt me, so I’d learn,
with nightmares daily, watching him die in new ways,
also loomed darkly o'er me some hours of the day.

What torments me more now, though, is that Dad won't ever,
see who I’ve become; so, so much better,
than the child, the teen, and young adult that he knew,
with his words now all realized, and lessons learned, too.

I could lament this all day, believe me, I’ve tried,
but one single factor stops me—thankfully—every time:
the fact that the living, all sitting around me,
can see it—he can’t—and they’re waiting to see.

I miss him.

I think I'd like to join a frat;
What a big jump that’ll be.
From spending nights in solitude,
To joining a community.

I think I’ll join a co-ed one;
They seem like just my kind.
Greek letters all sorta sound the same,
So the right one’s hard to find.

I'd never live in a frat house,
Like the ones all up Court Street.
No, rather one whose members
Are in dorms, just like me.

I think I'd like to join a frat;
What a huge leap that'll be.
From sitting alone in my dorm,
To lounging, laughs, parties.

There's one this one girl told me of;
It seems quite promising.
I missed the rush, though; **** me, then;
Did I blow my chances in?

I'll find someone—no, contact them;
Yes, just text the frat’s Insta soon.
I'm desperate, I must admit
to belong & feel included.

I am the forest;
I am the trees;
I am the soft
and gentle breeze.

I am a rock;
I am the bugs;
I am the hawk,
The swan, the slug.