I like to frolic in fields
Laced with landmines.

I like to take bubble baths
With curling irons, plugged in.  

I like to walk alleys
Naked at night.

I like to fast.
Indefinitely.

I like look in the mirror
And see someone else.

I like to think about these things
As if they were true.

I am the settler
The assimilated puppet.

I am the beacon
To avoid, not follow.

I am the lost soul
Who can't articulate how the feelings manifest.

I am the child
Who can't express what they need.

And in an instant
The realization swept me
The weight of all these years

All the lies
Like an avalanche
That I've told myself

It's okay
It's fine
I'm okay

How buried am I
How forgetful
As if I haven't done this before  

It's harder this time
I am so lost
In myself

My favorite meal (apparently)
Is eating crow
****** every day
Devoured like ice cream
On a hot day
I'm a hot mess
Words equate land mines
Going off without warning
Disguised as words
Play me a fool
I thought I was helpful
But alas
Set the gasoline on fire
Let it light the way
Use me as a bridge
And light me aflame
And they say
You should talk more
What do I get from that
Besides explosions
And feathers in my teeth
But with lips sewn shut
I won't be eating anything
So crow is better than nothing
Only because starvation
Takes 45 days
I lack the patience

One of the most painful things
I have had to endure (so far)
Was watching you slip away.

There is so much to unpack.
So many threads that came together,
Becoming the quilt that is you now.

But patches were removed,
Replaced,
Repurposed.

The reflection remains unchanged.
Nothing else follows.
Nothing else remains.

I see old pictures of us.
A you with different eyes.
If only I could pull you from those images.

I miss who you were.
They are forever gone.
Yet we both remain.

I am ready to fly off the rails.
I am prepared for the fallout.
I am filled with rage.
I am awaiting the toxicity.
I am craving the release.
I am unable to let go.

So I'll stay here.
In the repetition of misery.

I am not.

Isn't it a bit hard
To find meaning
In what you're doing right now
When you know
That it isn't
Helping -- even remotely
Slow down the mass extinction
Your species created?

There are a million ways you can divy it up
Justify it, add perspective, be realistic about your impact.
Which ultimately IS minimal
But could be larger
Maybe
If we all did... something?
Together?

Stop the world and find a common focus
Like the world always does
... In action movies
Usually because... Aliens
Which pose an immediate threat

A threat our brain can understand
Not this delayed doom
That feels so far away
... far away...
Until it's here

Is it too late?

Worst thing is that we **** 99% of all life on the planet.
Maybe this is just the 1% at it again
Taking it all for themselves.