You are the sunshine that never comes
A promise whispered through the drums
Of cloudy skies and distant dreams
Where nothing’ s  ever what it seems
You light my world in silent ways
But never step into my days
I wait for warmth you never send
A summer that wont ever end
You are laughter trapped behind the rain
A gentle ghost inside my pain
I reach for you with open hands
But all I grasp is sinking sand
You are hope that lingers in the mist
A kiss I’ve longed for, never kissed
The dawn I chase but never find
You are  the sunshine but not mine

Between who I am and who I long to be

there lives a fire  a yearning a hum.
A space between now and the dream I chase
and in that space, life finds its place.

Desire builds bridges gives motion, gives weightt
it's the pulse that pushes, the force that creates
But when that dream pulls too far ahead
the present grows hollow, alive but unfed

Anxiety lives where the now   can’t stay
where tomorrow steals every breath away
'What’s next? What’s good? What’s coming for me?'
No time to feel just urgency

We leap from moment to moment too fast
no space for meaning, no time for the past
Mind and body fall out of tune,
as we race to escape an invisible gloom

And then  comes the silence  the weight the gray,
when desire itself has wandered away.
Depression is not the rush but the stall,
where the space between selves collapses and falls

'Why try again? Why feel the same pain?'
The questions repeat like a looping refrain.
'It’s pointless' we whisper. 'What’s the use?'
And the world feels distant,cold, obtuse

Anxiety and depression  two faces, one coin
of a modern life we each must join.
Once , meaning came from the stars or the skies
now we’re the authors we write, we revise

That freedom is rich, but it comes with a cost,
when direction is ours,  but we still feel lost
To face this ache with presence and grace,

To hear the silence to name the ache
to walk with the soul through the paths it must take.
In the heart of the struggle,  beyond all pretense
we find a new kind of healing
human and present.

When he arrived, his gaze sought only me,  
In this room, we danced through memories, wild and free.  
He,once unsure, now a pillar of strength,  
Lifted me gently, defying all length.  

With laughter and chaos strewn all around,  
He laid me on the table, where love could be found.  
Amidst the clutter, our hearts intertwined,  
In that sacred moment, all else was blind.  

Nothing else mattered, no trinkets or gold,  
Just the warmth of our presence, a story retold.  
In the mess of the world, we found our own space,  
Two souls in a whirlwind, lost in embrace.

I stand close enough
to taste the breath of a different life
not mine,  not his
but the one that lives in the space between
your eyes and mine.

your mouth
is a soft question
I’ve been pretending not to hear.

I love someone else.
I’ve carried him through every storm
wrapped his ache in silence
folded my needs into the corners of the bed
so he could sleep.

and he did
he did what he needed
and called it surviving
he chose himself
and I watched, breaking
quietly
with a smile

now Im here
caught in a moment that breathes too close
not touching,
but thinking too much about what it would mean
if I did.

its not desire that confuses me
its the part of me that wants to disappear
into someone who doesnt carry my history

I tell myself its nothing.
I tell myself its everything.

maybe I just want to know
who I am when I' m not choosing restraint

you look at me
like Im still soft,
like I haven’t been tired of choosing right
every **** time.

and maybe just once,
I want to choose the thing
that doesn’t make sense
the one that lives in the skin
not the spine
the one I keep dreaming of

just once
I want to taste the fire
without apologizing
for being cold.

I’ve been here before I know what you’ll say,
That it doesnt matter  you’ll find your way.
So I won’t repeat what you already know,
But I’ll go where you need, even if its slow.
I’ll get used to it, maybe become like you,
But until then, I think of us, its true.