Within four walls I felt restraint

That pushed my minds own metaphor

And as my lips began to dry

Her scent entwined across the floor.



I dropped my stare as shadows danced

And felt those ills that burnt in me

As bile raised to rear itself

My heart felt pain so bitterly.



But all around were tiny views

That brought back doubts in magnitude

And then I saw the chimney breast

That signalled peace but hid regret.



And seas took hold in swirling rage

As gifts of love from other’s age

And eyes that winked as acid tore

Whilst ravaged hearts could take no more.



So when she spoke I heard a voice

That mocked my dreams forbidding choice

And as she threw those words at me

The slate felt cold on withered feet.



I felt her pain which frightened me

But slowly stood & turned away

I laughed at blame imprudently

Than face the truth we live each day……..

We are aware of the darkness that a judgmental mind could never interpret,
regrettably a sympathetic one whom may never understand,
the unfortunate occasion that you may never comprehend,
nevertheless, the inconsolable thoughts taking possession as we ill-advisedly perceive it all.

We plead with our wits next to the shadowy void to pull itself together for the considerate rope, thrown by the aiding, observant heart, whom questionably believes they may be witness to a faltering mind.
Observing the consciousness of the defeated soul that appears to be in despair without hope,
whos only aspirations seem simply to be a desire for a purpose, if not just appreciated for unobserved accomplishments,
but as the Darkness appears it’s difficult to grasp the disoriented, desolated mind that was ******, abruptly upon us.

As much as you try to alleviate the agony you attest to see, handing over your own strength you long to be received,
There is still the over-whelming pull of our defective mind,
discouraging thoughts that blind the help being offered that we push aside,
we feel the need of fight or fly, as we flee to our merciless evacuation,
It’s in that moment we freely descend,
Diving into the captivating abyss,
With the knowledge of knowing we may never ascend again.
            
You can’t hear the darkness’s dialogue, but we listen to the seductive silence as the chemicals misalign,
the reckless, misguided drop into the blinding dark hole that feels numb in awareness, but aching to touch,
the darkness can speak for as long as we reluctantly consent,
despite the fact it leaves us feeling insignificant,
we let darkness define us and at times its abundant touch is imprudently enough to keep us retreating to darkness’s lair for refuge from our detrimental behavior.

We reach, we scream, we dig our nails into the muddy wall, but the hole is too deep; the rope isn’t long.
Maybe it’s a test as you climb the roots; but the darkness is still there grabbing at your legs, whispering to you that you’re meant to be here instead.
“It’s safe here!” Darkness says.  “They can’t get you here! They may get past that concrete wall, but not in this destitute of twigs and straw, but if they do, they could get stuck, too, maybe I’ll haunt them instead of you?”
I should have known how easy it was to fall so gracelessly into a shadowy hole that I know shows when prompted by self-possessed triggers in life that you can’t help but let devour the night.
We find ourselves asking if we should even reach up.
We began to wonder if the hole was meant to collect what we feel is broken and left for dead.
Some find us weak, but they have no clue,
When we do choose to be, we fight this battle almost daily, so you can’t say what weakness is,
When you’ve never needed the strength to fight the dark to begin with.

By,
Natalie M. Lawrence

I get
only to have got
only to have lost
want
and O to have lost I will
only ever initiate gratified animation
when this tie of
anthropological operation
divides my
contemptuous feline inclination
where I want ease
where for scrutiny I plead
negligence reclining on any
every dream
imprudently high on benzodiazepine
I dreamt purity was conceivably
Tranquilized on
Horizons beach  
applicable as subjectivity may be
the fabrication of chemical composure
has emancipated its tie
to beauty

"Under everything, just another human being"
A brain, blood, a heart.
I'm the same as you, aren't I?
I'm not, though, and I wish you'd understand that.


"I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed"
There are so many things that could take me.
I panic at the thought of driving a car, for every nightmare ends with a wreck.
How would you react to my death?


"Did I say that I need you?"
You've become my lifeline, my crutch.
I've no idea who I'd be with you.
The smile on your face and the tears in your eyes are the only things keeping me alive.


"Oh, did I say that I want you?"
No, I didn't.
No, I haven't.
But I should before it's too late.


"Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool, you see..."
A fool --
'a person who acts unwisely and imprudently'.
Yes indeed, I'm a fool for you.


"No one knows this more than me"
Trust me, I know.
I live with this every waking moment.
I'm the only thing stopping the words in my head from releasing into the air and into your heart.  


"Stay with me..."
"Let's just breathe..."

flux
life being in a perpetual state of change.

i realize we both cared for each other.
the idea of reengaging appeals
however,
the constant changes in my life
and your life,
would not make such union possible.
reminisce
indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events.
reminiscing on past lovers,
how life would be if those relationships worked out,
favorably.
past
gone by in time and no longer existing.
past had deadening effects on relationships.
but past wasn't past.
so,
fantasizing about the alternate reality,
where things turned out differently.
perhaps inevitable.
such imaginations are something we all go through.
fool
a person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person.
me.
A.